SAH/WOH - Why?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
SAH/WOH - Why?
3166
Mon, 02-20-2006 - 7:41am

I am sure this has been done before but I was wondering this in light of recent posts lately.

Why did you decide to sah/woh?

Was it a choice or something expected of you?

Was your plan to sah/woh though out or impulsive? Long-term or short-term?

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Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 7:53pm

"I don't believe that a spanking is the very worst possible thing that can happen to a child."

I don't think anyone would argue its the "very worst possible thing." But that really has never been my point. It's a loss of control, IMO, its violence, its at best, physical abuse, though low level admitedly, and at worst, humiliating and damaging.

Sure, its worse to get hit by a car, or verbally abused in some instances. But since when do we judge parenting choices by whats the worst possible thing? If we did that, then neglect would be acceptable as its really not the "worst possible thing." I mean being sexually abused (I was and no I'm not equating that to spanking so don't even go there) is not even the worst possible thing. Getting pregnant from it would be worse right? Or death is worse right? You see where I'm going with this right? There is always a "worst possible thing" and personally I don't use that to guide me in my parenting choices.

Quite the opposite. I try to choose what I think is the best thing, given the situation and my tools at the moment.

MM

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 7:59pm
Now, that is unfair. That can be said about any form of child rearing/disciplining. No child behaves 100% of the time, even when they know there will be consequences. That's why you still have to ground them (or whatever it is you do in your particular situation) when they are teenagers. Saying that the fact that discipline still needs to be used once in a while is proof that the discipline style doesn't work discounts every style out there. Do you have to give Jimmy a time out more than once? Well, must mean it doesn't work.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 8:05pm
Well there is your problem. Spanking that is violent is called ABUSE. No one in our home is abusive. So I guess I would agree that I don't understand why someone would model abuse at home.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 8:10pm
Agreed, she needs to know not to do whatever you think she shouldn't. I used to just talk to them, maybe time them out for a few minutes. It worked well most of the time. I'd just feel weird swatting anybody. It seems so harsh.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 8:11pm
No, it doesn't lead directly to having been spanked. But it's a good possibility.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 8:14pm
I suppose it all boils down to how often "once in a while" actually is. To me, if a child is spanked over several years, that implies either that it's a regular thing or that the kid has a lot of problems. After all, if spanking were that effective, a kid by the age of 6 or 8 would be deterred by just the threat of a spanking, no?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 8:16pm
Well... all I can say is it never occurred to me that it was something that shouldn't be done until I read this thread. Now that it's occurred to me, I still haven't changed my mind. My parents swatted me when I was little. No big deal. Dh was beaten with a belt, had hot coffee poured on him, things thrown at him, all sorts of things. That's abuse. Nothing anywhere near abuse would be allowed in this household. I know that people who are abused as children either do it too, or are vehemently against it. I'm very sure about which way dh went on that one, that's for sure. I don't think I would do any swatting once they are out of diapers. If you can talk them into going on the potty, you can explain consequences. And you lose that convenient padding. (joke... ok maybe tasteless, but that's me)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2005
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 8:17pm
Oh, NOW you're concerned about TOS? LOL. Don't worry, "dear." No one will report you. I think we all know how much this board means to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2005
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 8:22pm

<>

I disagree. It's a very slight possibility.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2005
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 8:23pm

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Hey, thanks for proving one of my points. The threat of a spanking works wonders with dd and ds. And I don't even have to threaten it very often. It's very very very rare these days.

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