SAH/WOH - Why?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
SAH/WOH - Why?
3166
Mon, 02-20-2006 - 7:41am

I am sure this has been done before but I was wondering this in light of recent posts lately.

Why did you decide to sah/woh?

Was it a choice or something expected of you?

Was your plan to sah/woh though out or impulsive? Long-term or short-term?

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 6:03am

<> I disagree; imo we feel what we feel, and we're entitled to it. No one even has to know how we feel if we don't want them to.
Usually they don't even know unless we show them or tell them.

<> Isn't there a difference between thoughts, words, and deeds? Feelings aren't harmful to anyone but maybe the one with the feelings. What you do with the feelings can make a difference, but not the feelings themselves. It's our responsibility to manage our actions, despite our feelings.

<>

No, it's not good. But the anger isn't the problem. The way of dealing with it is the problem.

<>

And here we come to the crux of the matter. No, anger doesn't manifest itself into everything. Nor does any other feeling. As responsible adults, we choose how to handle our emotions. If we react to them by doing things that we then blame on our emotions, we risk perpetuating a vicious cycle wherein we feel justified in doing things "because we're angry" or "because we couldn't help it". Imo it's important to separate our feelings from their outward expressions and to teach our kids that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 6:57am
I doubt the Maryland police scroll around town looking for cars running.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2005
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 7:06am

You would be quite mistaken.

Community activist Phillip Lee, who is president of the Kettering Civic Federation, told the council that when he and a group of his neighbors joined police one morning last week to identify cars left running unattended, police issued 38 citations between 6:30 a.m. and 7:45 a.m.

"What we think residents know, they do not know," Lee told the council. "You'd be surprised at the number of people who do not know that you cannot leave your car running in the driveway. It is a violation of the law."

Police have been issuing such warnings throughout the county as part of a public awareness campaign. Soon, they will begin issuing fines.

Cached link, dated Feb 24

Karen


"Terry manages to hand the bag off to Ruth Marie, who takes off in the most mincing sprint you have ever seen in your life. She does her best, but she runs like she's got a pink parasol in one hand and an inhaler in the other."


Miss Alli @ TelevisionWithoutPity, Survivor: Exile Island



Image hosting by PhotobucketImage hosting by PhotobucketImage hosting by Photobucket



Edited 2/28/2006 7:08 am ET by jzygayle


Edited 2/28/2006 7:11 am ET by jzygayle

Karen

"Veronica: "I hate fake deer too. Every time I see their stupid fake-deer faces I want to grab a shotgun and go all Cheney on 'em." Sure, but since fake deer don't talk, they won't

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 7:08am
I would like to state that it was snippyme that brought murder and other forms of abuse into the debate. I stated that I thought spanking/hitting a child was abuse. She responded with what she thought was abuse and wondered (out of the blue) how I could equate murder with spanking, then she ask how I could equate hitting someone inthe face with spanking (which I didn't do). I responded by saying that I was comparing spanking/hitting a child with spanking/hitting an adult. I feel strongly that both are forms of abuse. Yes, there are degrees of abuse.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 7:25am

Well, except that spanking is illegal in Sweden and kids still figure out how to hit each other pretty effectively :-). Dd certainly had a tendency to hit when provoked long before she started in dc and she's never been spanked. She also bit a few times as a baby/toddler (never was bit). Ds, on the other hand, would never have dreamed of hitting/biting for any reason. I think hitting is a natural instinct when one is provoked...it's just that some kids seem to control that instinct better than others. Dd still has a tendency to want to lash out physically but she's learned to sublimate that a large extent.

I've never been particularly upset by children hitting each other in the "heat of the moment", so to speak. It needs to be stopped and the kids need to learn how to use words instead of fists, but I've always assumed that to some extent it's a fairly natural reaction. What I find far more disturbing is children who act violently without any provocation. I do wonder what that's all about.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 7:27am
Great post!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 7:31am
I really don't get all that het up about a swat on the bottom, but something confuses me a bit about this line of thinking. If the swat on the bottom is just to get attention and not to inflict any kind of pain, wouldn't simply removing the child from the fish tank work just as well? I probably won't be able to make myself very clear on this but it just seems to me that if the whole issue is attention getting/consequences surely physical removal from the object of interest accomplishes the same thing as swatting. Touching the fish tank means that she doesn't get to look at it at all. The only possible advantage I can see swatting having is the addition of physical pain, otherwise I just can't see the difference. In either case, she presumably either learns to keep out of the fish tank (or else face the consequences be it removal from the tank or a swat on the bottom) or she learns how to get in the fish tank when you aren't around :-).
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 7:35am

Kids who lash out without provocation have poor impulse control. They usually do have provocation, but it's nothing anyone else would recognize as such.

But to your main point. I agree, it's a natural impulse to hit, and I posted about that earlier. When we spank, we don't help our kids learn more appropriate ways to channel those impulses. We only legitimize hitting, preparing the child to mismanage his impulses and rationalize it by thinking there are times when it's okay.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 7:39am
Good grief!! Remind me again...this is really our president? We actually voted for this guy (ok, not me personally, but the majority)?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 7:48am
Hmmm, I thinking of one little girl who absolutely floored me. She was about 4 at the time and dd was 2. Her older brother had a play date with ds and she and her mom came along for the visit. She literally went straight up to dd (playing in another part of the room by herself with completely different toys) and body-slammed her into the wall (keep in mind that she was a very tall 4 yo and dd is tiny, she weighed about 16 lbs at the time). After that, I kept VERY close to dd to head off any other sudden attacks. There were several more attempts. I simply couldn't see what the provocation could possibly be, they seemed completely out of the blue since they weren't even really playing together or with the same toys.

Pages