scenario

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
scenario
65
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 1:42pm
Just a hypothetical scenario to be debated.
Let's say "Jane" doesn't have children yet, but wants to. She wants to sah for five years at least when she does have a child or children.
Then, "Jane" gets pregnant. During her pregnancy, most people in her life inflate the cost of having a child in some kind of effort to either warn or scare her. Jane had no idea kids would be so expensive. So, even though she doesn't want to, she plans to go back to work.
The baby comes, and Jane and her husband start to realize that most of the fear inducing conversations during the pregnancy were not true. The cost of raising their little one turns out to be a tenth or less of what others scared/warned them about. All the savings that they put aside during her pregnancy for all of these catastrophic baby expenses go largely untapped. They discover that they could have swung it with her at home after all. The problem now is is that Jane not only likes working, but she has a great childcare arrangement and a lot of flexibility at work. Her baby is happy, healthy very alert and thriving. She is glad she went back to work, and would prefer to stay working, but the mega warnings about catastrophic costs of child rearing are now turning into shame for "leaving" her child. Jane feels guilty about not having any guilt over being a wohm. She wonders what to make of herself, since she didn't have to go back to work after all. Should she have gone back to work? With her childcare arrangement and job going so well, what would you tell Jane?

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Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: mom2ajoy
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 1:48pm
I would tell Jane I'm delighted she has such a great job and wonderful care for her happy baby -- congrats on having a great cushion of savings for things like dance classes, braces, family vacations and summer camp and I would tell her to treat her self to an extra special mocha latte, have a great day at work , have a gret evening with her family and leave the guilt at the door.

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
In reply to: mom2ajoy
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 2:00pm

I would tell Jane to quit worrying about what everyone else thinks and live her own life the way she sees fit.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2007
In reply to: mom2ajoy
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 2:34pm
I'd tell Jane to do what she wants to do, with her husbands's support, get rid of the guilt, and blow off what anyone else thinks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
In reply to: mom2ajoy
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 2:38pm
Thanks, but does anyone have anything to add that's a little beyond that? I think it's a little more than "Just don't worry about what other people say". There is a lot of confusion out there about what's best for children.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: mom2ajoy
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 2:38pm
I fail to see what the problem is.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: mom2ajoy
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 2:39pm
What's best for my children is that they have happy parents.

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Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: mom2ajoy
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 2:41pm
I have said it many times before but the only "best" that I care about is the best that works for ME and MY child. The only 'study' I care about is the one that involves my child -- is she happy? am I happy? Are we both happy with each other? then if so and all systems are go then frankly scarlett I truly DON"T give a damn what anyone else says.

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
In reply to: mom2ajoy
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 2:51pm
What should there be beyond that?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
In reply to: mom2ajoy
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 2:59pm
So Jane is supposed to be miserable?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
In reply to: mom2ajoy
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 3:01pm
I don't think it is much beyond "don't worry what others say."

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