Scenario

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2003
Scenario
934
Sat, 12-06-2003 - 11:17am
I see a lot of stories on this board about sahms refusing to work when their family is in need of a second income.

Well picture this scenario and tell me if you think it's appropriate for this mother to stay home-

As a single and childless woman, she always lived frugally, and worked hard. He is the same way- both the husband and wife manage to get out of debt and save up a few thousand dollars by the time they meet. They date for a couple years (or whatever amount of time YOU think is reasonable for a couple to date before marrying). By the time they get married, their combined savings is at 8,000 dollars. As a childless couple, they continue to live frugally and work hard. His income goes to pay the rent, utilities and necessities while all of her income goes into her savings. They have a few setbacks here and there like car repairs or illness or emergency out of town trips. But altogether, they manage to save up say, 20 grand by the time their first child is born X amount of time later. The husband gets great insurance at his job. They are already used to living off of his income anyway since her income was mostly going into savings. There is still no credit card debt and no auto loan debt. This being said, is it TOOOOO much to ask for this woman to stay at home for at least a couple of years, maybe between 3-5 years to take care of the baby at home? What if she planned on going to work once the child or children got to elementary school, and just wanted to stay home for the baby years? Is that reasonable?

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
In reply to: the_boss_plus
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 8:17pm
Well, I agree but think you have the cause and effect wrong. Being a Type A personality would be a reason a woman would choose to WOH. WOH wouldn't cause you to be a Type A personality.

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: the_boss_plus
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 8:23pm
How is a SAHM with whose children are in school any more available then a WOHM? My DD can call me at work just as easily at work as she can call me at home.
Avatar for mygriffin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: the_boss_plus
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 8:24pm
I totally agree with you. If both of my kids were in school full time, it really wouldn't be worth it for me to SAH or even work part time. The two or so hours extra I'd have with them per weekday would hardly be worth giving up the difference in salary.

I think I come at this debate from my own point of view -- the point of view of a mom with kids ages 5 and 2. Sometimes it gets me in trouble. lol.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: the_boss_plus
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 8:50pm
This post is so filled with blatant baloney I hardly know where to start, and it's hardly worth bothering with anyway as your mind is clearly closed. All those kids of SAHs who have no idea what a book is will soon be beating the pants off the kids of the WOHs in the grade department because of those driven-to-achieve SAH parents they have, I suppose. Give me a break. It's a virtual miracle how all good things in your eyes spring from WOH moms and the DCs they choose!

Personal responsibility and WOH go hand in hand? Can you imagine what a hullabaloo there would be if I were to claim "personal responsibility and SAH go hand in hand?"



"SAHM's have more at stake with regard to their kids performance." Only if your preposterous theory that SAHs don't have any outlet but their kids for their so-called competitiveness didn't have more holes than a sieve. I'm sure many people SAH at least in part because they're not the slightest bit interested in competing with anybody at anything - if they did it sure would be a lot easier to do so in the workforce. And who says kids are a SAHs whole life anyhow? Since when are our only outlets kids or work? And how do you know it isn't the WOH, not the SAH parent, coaching their kid so as to beat the kid of the doctor down the road? It does seem to be the men who go out of control at sporting events trying to live through their kids, sure didn't have any reason to think they were SAHDs!

Amazing how when you were SAH, your teaching your children everything you could was because you need soooo much more mental stimulation than other people - yet other people who SAH and teach their kids things must be doing so because their self esteem is excessively tied up in their children! Also amazing how you love statistics so, but can sum up the attitudes of a whole body of mothers you dislike by the comments of one or two of your neighbors. Blech.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
In reply to: the_boss_plus
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 9:00pm
My anecdotal evidence is regarding mothers who clearly have their egos tied up in their kids. I offered Sylvan up as proof that I don't have my ego tied to my kids grades. I have deliberately put my dd into a program that is in opposition to the one taught at school because I think the one taught at school is garbage (Everyday Math). I have deliberately chosen to not push dd#2 ahead any farther than she is because that would just make her stick out all the more. My point was that if my ego were tied to my dd's grades I would have spent my energies and monies on persuits that would increase their grades not ones that actually have no impact. What Sylvan teaches and what Everyday Math teaches are so different that my dd's grades aren't going up. In fact, because she's taking time away from school work to go to Sylvan and practice what she's learning there, they may be going down. I don't care BECAUSE I don't have my ego tied up in my dd's grades. I spoke specifically of SAHM's who go as far as to do their kids projects for them. Ain't gonna happen here. My dd's will take a failing grade first BECAUSE I don't have my ego tied up in their grades and I think they need to learn that their work is their responsibilty and if someone elses mom does it for them, then they need to learn the world ain't fair.

As I said, IF I had my ego tied up in my kids grades/accomplishments they'd be getting higher grades and experiencing better accomplishments. No, my ego isn't tied up in my kids accomlishments. Not by a long shot. I have my own accomplishments to tie my ego up in I don't need to take credit for my kids accomplishments.

I'm glad your school privides a good elementary music program but the advantages of early musical training occur before elementary school. I signed my kids up for early music training because I knew it was good for them. That dd#2 is good at it is a feather in her cap not mine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
In reply to: the_boss_plus
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 9:01pm
Dear, I'm not talking about a study and SUGGESTING reasons why correlation doesn't imply causation which has nothing to do with my small corner of the world. I'm sorry you can't get that.

Edited to add the word NOT before talking about a study, which I left out the first time.




Edited 12/14/2003 12:30:10 PM ET by cyndluagain

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2003
In reply to: the_boss_plus
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 9:04pm
I know that you DO think that, I wasn't questioning why you wouldn't. I want to know why you DO think that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
In reply to: the_boss_plus
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 9:05pm
I didn't say WOH choose to be type A. I said WOH are more LIKELY to be type A which would be because type A would be more likely to choose to WOH. That being the case and genetics being what it is, it is possible that you'd see a difference in the kids of WM's because they inherited their moms type A personality.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2003
In reply to: the_boss_plus
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 9:08pm
But the assumption inherent is that a WOHM functions better / handles stress/ mulitasks, etc... more effectively than a SAHM.

Perhaps the type a personality SAHMs are the ones who organize the family get togethers, chair the PTA committees, start new community programs, create play groups, etc. NOW I am not in any way saying that ONLY SAHMs do this, I am saying that there is more than one outlet for a personality trait.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
In reply to: the_boss_plus
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 9:18pm
You DO know what a type A personality is don't you??? It's someone who is driven, often likes to be in control and is accomplishment oriented. Why WOULDN'T I think moms who are type A would be more likely to WOH??? There's no reason to think that someone who is driven would prefer to SAH and every reason to think they'd choose career AND motherhood if they chose motherhood.

Pages