Scenario

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2003
Scenario
934
Sat, 12-06-2003 - 11:17am
I see a lot of stories on this board about sahms refusing to work when their family is in need of a second income.

Well picture this scenario and tell me if you think it's appropriate for this mother to stay home-

As a single and childless woman, she always lived frugally, and worked hard. He is the same way- both the husband and wife manage to get out of debt and save up a few thousand dollars by the time they meet. They date for a couple years (or whatever amount of time YOU think is reasonable for a couple to date before marrying). By the time they get married, their combined savings is at 8,000 dollars. As a childless couple, they continue to live frugally and work hard. His income goes to pay the rent, utilities and necessities while all of her income goes into her savings. They have a few setbacks here and there like car repairs or illness or emergency out of town trips. But altogether, they manage to save up say, 20 grand by the time their first child is born X amount of time later. The husband gets great insurance at his job. They are already used to living off of his income anyway since her income was mostly going into savings. There is still no credit card debt and no auto loan debt. This being said, is it TOOOOO much to ask for this woman to stay at home for at least a couple of years, maybe between 3-5 years to take care of the baby at home? What if she planned on going to work once the child or children got to elementary school, and just wanted to stay home for the baby years? Is that reasonable?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
In reply to: the_boss_plus
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 10:20pm
Too funny. You don't want your children to be compliant? Compliant does not mean door mat. Compliant means they are reasonable and demonstrate self control. The opposite of compliant is unruly. A mom who expects her 5 year old to remember to submit notes from the teacher, to complete her own homework w/o help or reminders certainly doesn't sound like a mother who doesn't like compliance.


Edited 12/13/2003 10:22:05 PM ET by it_is_me_again
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
In reply to: the_boss_plus
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 10:27pm
ITA, and having done both, I cannot say that one way is more difficult than the other - just different. My house was far cleaner when I WOH because we weren't here to dirty it. My childcare provider did alot of that messy stuff for me. When I had an IH caregiver, she also did some cleaning and cooking. Quite contrary to what some WOHMs here say, I always said I had less to do AH because my children were not there creating work for me to do. I never felt I had all my AH duties to do in addition to my WOH.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
In reply to: the_boss_plus
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 10:30pm
YOU would think that way because YOU are biased, but that does not make it a reality. There are as many Type A AHPs as there are Type A OHPs. To suggest otherwise is just plain silly. BTW, type A is NOT necessarily a good thing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
In reply to: the_boss_plus
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 10:33pm
Being Type A would not necessarily change a person's view of child rearing. There are tons of Type A SAHMs who do not feel a need to be employed outside the home. I loved working outside the home, and I am not a Type A. Type A SAHs are just as at risk for heart diease and high blood pressure as Type A's who WOH.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
In reply to: the_boss_plus
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 10:42pm
Um, there is nothing wrong with a kid having two equally involved parents, in fact that is ideal. Where/how did I say equally involved parents are not beneficial? That equality does not have to look how YOU think it should look either. I for one would never even consider marrying a man and having children with him if he felt that equality was necessary in each and every aspect of our lives, in the sense of 50/50 contribution in all things. That, in my world, is absolutely absurd.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: the_boss_plus
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 11:00pm

Why on earth would you just go from sahm to school...public or private..it's a big change.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
In reply to: the_boss_plus
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 11:05pm
Nope, don't think so. The charts tell me if her class is meeting her needs. As her mother it is my responsibility to make sure her education does. Kind of hard to have an ego trip over something no one else knows about, lol. NONE of the other parents know that my dd is the one that tops the class and if I have anything to do about it, they won't. Knowing that my dd is number one in her class is cause for concern as she may not be getting what she needs in school.

And I'm sorry you don't like her teachers comments but I think the teacher is in better position to say around here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
In reply to: the_boss_plus
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 11:07pm
I like self reliance and assertiveness. Yes, I expect my dd to take responsibility and to face the consequences when she doesn't, however, that isn't compliance. That's learning via natural consequences. I don't expect her to listen to me or any other adult just because they said so. That way is dangerous.


Edited 12/14/2003 11:41:26 AM ET by cyndluagain
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
In reply to: the_boss_plus
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 11:08pm
Care to explain why you think type A's would be SAHM's? No, I don't think they would be as a rule. I think being driven to achieve would be more conducive to being a WM.


Edited 12/13/2003 11:12:58 PM ET by cyndluagain
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
In reply to: the_boss_plus
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 11:09pm
I'm sure there are some. I simply said I think it's more likely they're working. Most of the WM's I know are type A's, like myself. Care to give your theory as to why most type A's would be SAHM's? I think they'd be WM's because of being more driven and goal oriented. As a type A myself, I don't see anything attractive about being a SAHM as a type A. I'd probably do something stupid like make teaching my kids my goal. I'd rather they set their own goals.


Edited 12/13/2003 11:12:28 PM ET by cyndluagain

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