Scenario

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2003
Scenario
934
Sat, 12-06-2003 - 11:17am
I see a lot of stories on this board about sahms refusing to work when their family is in need of a second income.

Well picture this scenario and tell me if you think it's appropriate for this mother to stay home-

As a single and childless woman, she always lived frugally, and worked hard. He is the same way- both the husband and wife manage to get out of debt and save up a few thousand dollars by the time they meet. They date for a couple years (or whatever amount of time YOU think is reasonable for a couple to date before marrying). By the time they get married, their combined savings is at 8,000 dollars. As a childless couple, they continue to live frugally and work hard. His income goes to pay the rent, utilities and necessities while all of her income goes into her savings. They have a few setbacks here and there like car repairs or illness or emergency out of town trips. But altogether, they manage to save up say, 20 grand by the time their first child is born X amount of time later. The husband gets great insurance at his job. They are already used to living off of his income anyway since her income was mostly going into savings. There is still no credit card debt and no auto loan debt. This being said, is it TOOOOO much to ask for this woman to stay at home for at least a couple of years, maybe between 3-5 years to take care of the baby at home? What if she planned on going to work once the child or children got to elementary school, and just wanted to stay home for the baby years? Is that reasonable?

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
In reply to: the_boss_plus
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 4:58pm
I am very well aware of what constitutes Type A and B personalities. One does not necessarily lend itself to either WOH or SAH. Do you not think there is anything a Type A SAHM can do to earn external recognition? To compete or receive appreciation from others? CLW believes that SAHMs compete to have their children achieve high grades - would that not be a characteristic of a Type A personality?
Avatar for mygriffin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: the_boss_plus
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 4:59pm
OK, so you and your DH are equal. How does that benefit the kids? Would spending more time with either parent be bad for them???
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
In reply to: the_boss_plus
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 5:01pm
Exactly, Type A moms don't necessarily raise Type A children. Never said parents don't influence their children's personalities. What I WAS saying is that children are not clones of their mothers.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
In reply to: the_boss_plus
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 5:04pm
I have never said that WOHMs can't get the same challenges.YOU are the one who thinks a Type A personality could never be satisfied SAH.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
In reply to: the_boss_plus
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 5:13pm
I think you are right. Dual WOH for your family is absolutely best since you and your dh compete for your children's attention. How sad. My dh is away far more than I am, yet the kids are just as attached to him as they are to me. They are as likely to go to him when they get hurt or have a problem than they are to come to me. We don't have to compete for our children's affection or attention BECAUSE they know we are equal in our love and devotion to them. Thank God that is true or WOH would not be a healthy choice for any parent.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
In reply to: the_boss_plus
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 5:15pm
It just amazes me how you need studies to back up your personal choices. I am so thankful that I do not have to depend on studies and statistics to determine what is in my family's best interest. I don't care how many studies say otherwise, my dh would not be more involved if I WOH. He wasn't when I did so I KNOW that is the truth.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: the_boss_plus
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 6:24pm
"Why is it more 'efficient'?" Because there are certain things that DH has no idea how to do, which he would have to learn in order to do them 50% of the time, and vice versa. There are some things that we each detest doing that the other does not particularly mind, so if you're considering overall happiness, the benefit of doing something 50/50 would not be worth the cost to the other partner. There are certain things that would take about 10 times the time for one of us to do than for the other to do. We do not need more than one of our incomes by any stretch of the imagination. To both get part-time jobs that would net out the same income and the same # of hours as each other would be extremely difficult, would probably end up with more hours worked total and would likely result in having to buy our own insurance, etc. Inefficient and doing nothing to increase the happiness of any of us.

I don't recall ever having said that ANY of my "natural talents" lie in the domestic arena, LOL! I was a top notch lawyer, but I'm no housekeeper. What I am is a very good mom with a lot of patience and interest in kids, and I also happen to be a pretty good cook through lots of willingness to try things. That's about it for me and domesticity. I really don't understand your last sentence about me hastening to explain anything. I don't believe I ever said that DH's job made it "virtually impossible" for me to WOH, however, it is certainly not worth it to me or to my family to do so, and yes, it's both our preference that I'm the one that's at home.

What's your point?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: the_boss_plus
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 6:32pm
I can see why, given your competitiveness, doing everything the same amount as your DH is best for YOU. I haven't seen you give one reason for your naked assertion that it's best for KIDS, or why it's better that one parent give up time that both parent and child would have enjoyed spending together to an unrelated caregiver in the name of "fairness" to a parent who may not be interested in spending additional hours with his or her child anyhow.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
In reply to: the_boss_plus
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 6:42pm
A compliant assertive child???? LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: the_boss_plus
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 6:42pm
Hear, hear, ITA. Same type of division of labor here, with a child deeply devoted to us both, for good reason.

Pages