Scenario

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2003
Scenario
934
Sat, 12-06-2003 - 11:17am
I see a lot of stories on this board about sahms refusing to work when their family is in need of a second income.

Well picture this scenario and tell me if you think it's appropriate for this mother to stay home-

As a single and childless woman, she always lived frugally, and worked hard. He is the same way- both the husband and wife manage to get out of debt and save up a few thousand dollars by the time they meet. They date for a couple years (or whatever amount of time YOU think is reasonable for a couple to date before marrying). By the time they get married, their combined savings is at 8,000 dollars. As a childless couple, they continue to live frugally and work hard. His income goes to pay the rent, utilities and necessities while all of her income goes into her savings. They have a few setbacks here and there like car repairs or illness or emergency out of town trips. But altogether, they manage to save up say, 20 grand by the time their first child is born X amount of time later. The husband gets great insurance at his job. They are already used to living off of his income anyway since her income was mostly going into savings. There is still no credit card debt and no auto loan debt. This being said, is it TOOOOO much to ask for this woman to stay at home for at least a couple of years, maybe between 3-5 years to take care of the baby at home? What if she planned on going to work once the child or children got to elementary school, and just wanted to stay home for the baby years? Is that reasonable?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: the_boss_plus
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 7:31pm
You're the one who brought up parents competing with each other for their child's attention: "It's kind of hard to be an equal parent when you're competing with someone who never leaves and you do on a regular basis." See, my notion of the benefit of an involved dad has to do with him actually GETTING involved, not just puffing up his "parenting percentage" compared to his wife by taking parenting hours away from her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
In reply to: the_boss_plus
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 7:35pm
No, I didn't bring up competing. You did. I said equal parenting was better not that parents should compete. You don't have to compete to strive for equality. Competing implies one comes out ahead as in the SAH/WP combination with the SAHP coming out ahead. Trying for equal parenting involves NOT competing. Just letting the other parent be equally involved.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
In reply to: the_boss_plus
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 7:38pm
I am saying that the SAH/WP combination create an unequal parenting situation with one parent being primary and the other secondary. I am not saying that WP's don't have enough time. I'm saying that a SAHM is primary in that she has 35 solo hours a week with the kids and 49 she shares with her dh. Dad would need 35 solo hours to even the playing field. Mom, by virtue of the fact she's always there, is going to be the primary parent.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: the_boss_plus
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 7:41pm
I didn't think you were talking about a study. I thought you were talking about your own completely unsupported stereotypical opinion. Thanks for the confirmation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: the_boss_plus
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 7:53pm
Yep, not important to have both parents "actually" very involved if you can cover up one parent's absence by making the other parent equally absent. . . charming, isn't it? I just can't decide whether that's more or less ludicrous than a MWOHM espousing the notion that people aren't contributing to parenting if they're working.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: the_boss_plus
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 8:07pm
And it's better to have two parents who are sometimes there rather than having one parent who is sometimes there and a parent that's always there . . . why? I can see why it causes problems for the PARENTS if they're competing with each other in the "do everything the same" department, but I'm still missing why it's bad for the KIDS, and why it would be better to take those 35 hours AWAY from the mother in your example.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: the_boss_plus
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 8:13pm
ROTFLOL, that quote about it being hard to compete when one had a SAH was from you. "Trying for equal parenting involves NOT competing. Just letting the other parent be equally involved." Ah, so now you don't want the parents to COMPETE for equal time, you want the one who has more to GIVE UP that time! That benefits kids HOW? I keep asking, and you keep not saying.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2003
In reply to: the_boss_plus
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 8:17pm
So now it's a competition about who got in music class first?

As to your "anecdotal" evidence, you haven't provided any of that either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2003
In reply to: the_boss_plus
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 8:26pm
Sure can - but it is surprising that you couldn't follow it, as it was pretty straightforward even with the missing punctuation.

CLU: No, I don't think so. Otherwise you'd get why type A's are more likely to be WOHM's.


144: But you haven't proven or shown me that at all. You think that type A's may be more likely to WOH, but no one says it is more likely based on a personality type theory.

CLU: Although type A SAHM's would explain those moms who claim things like their children walking early was a result of their work, lol.

144: Would it also explain the type A WOHM who assert the same thing? NEWLY ADDED - I agree with Laura above, it would seem the type A person would be more involved given their needs for external motivators, high drive and competitive nature.

CLU: Given a choice, I think a type A would choose to work.

144: That is just it, you would THINK.

CLU: We tend to have a hard time with things like dependency

144: Then why are you married? Why do you have children? Why do you work for someone else?

CLU: miss the challenges and accomplishments of work when we don't work.

144: Again, this makes the big huge assumption that there are no internal challenges and accomplishments of those who don't earn a paycheck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
In reply to: the_boss_plus
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 8:36pm
My logic is that when there is a large time differential between parents, one is primary and the other secondary. It's really not that hard to understand.

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