Should I stay or should I go?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2009
Should I stay or should I go?
1679
Mon, 05-18-2009 - 2:36pm

Hi ladies! it is so nice to be here and vent vent vent vent!!! I would like to share with you guys what is been BOTHERING me for a while now.

I'm 30 my husband is 50 (doesn't look like 50 AT ALL!) we have a 1 year old boy.

We both have good jobs (diferent cities) we've live in different states since we met. I don't like what I do and I would like to change my career and go back again to Graduate School for another major.

I am an engineer and he is an economist, I want to go back to school for a PhD in Psychology, but first I want to stay at home with my baby until he is ready to go to school and then I could go back to school. This sound like a plan since DH is getting a FANTASTIC job . I mean good benefits, good money, very nice city, etc etc etc.

The problem is:

To do so I have to leave my job and I am scared to death!!! what if we don't work out very well? I will be regreting all my life having left a good job. What I would do if we divorce? Start from zero homeless?

Since he is going to be the one making the money how does that is going to work out? He says he will support me always, and he's been trying to convince me to stay at home with our baby but I've been reluctant (reason why we live in diferent cities) to the idea of not having my own money. He is a very generous man, but with a bit of mood swings. We will be living together for the first time since tomorrow,( since he is in academia he is coming to spend the whole summer here at my city ) I guess I will take it from there and see how we work out as a couple.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Mon, 05-18-2009 - 3:33pm
Personally, I would wait until the two of you have actually lived together for a year before making the drastic decision of quitting your job and becoming totally dependent on him. You might find that you make a great couple when apart but are not compatible in close quarters. In the meantime, try to save up most or all of your income so that when you do stay at home you can have a back-up source of funds in case the relationship doesn't work out, giving you time to re-enter the workforce without being destitute.
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Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Mon, 05-18-2009 - 3:37pm
I will ditto that sensible advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2009
Mon, 05-18-2009 - 3:43pm
yep....I'll add my dito here too.

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Ducky

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 05-18-2009 - 3:45pm
What she said.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2008
Mon, 05-18-2009 - 4:37pm

This is a tough one. If you wait a year or two, or child wil be three and that will only give you a couple of years home with him. He will also be ready to start preschool at age three.


I think you have to decide which is more important to you, staying home with your son or working. Will you also regret it if you don't stay home? Could you possibly work part time? You also have to remember, if the marriage doesn't work out, he will have to pay child support. What are the job prospects in your current field? Would it be hard to find another job?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2009
Mon, 05-18-2009 - 4:43pm

He will also be ready to start preschool at age three.


I realize that this isn't true for everyone, but ime, most preschool programs start at four years old, not three.


Could you possibly work part time?


I think that this is a good option, if it's available.


You also have to remember, if the marriage doesn't work out, he will have to pay child support.


Yeah...... not something that I would count on.

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Ducky

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Mon, 05-18-2009 - 4:44pm
I agree that it will be hard to wait until he is two before staying home and wouldn't give her as much time with him, but since they have never lived together, it is really too risky to take the leap right now from fully independent to fully dependent. I think one year is reasonable to ensure the family's security.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007
Mon, 05-18-2009 - 5:06pm
I shall tritto.

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Why hide your light under a bushel of bears, I ask you?

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Why hide your light under a bushel of bears, I ask you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Mon, 05-18-2009 - 5:19pm
Yes I would Ditto here. I would not be hot to sah before working on living with my dh for awhile and melding our lifestyles & learning how to put up with eachother.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2009
Tue, 05-19-2009 - 12:42pm
as someone who GETS child support I wouldn't put many eggs in that financial basket...

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