Should I stay or should I go?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2009
Should I stay or should I go?
1679
Mon, 05-18-2009 - 2:36pm

Hi ladies! it is so nice to be here and vent vent vent vent!!! I would like to share with you guys what is been BOTHERING me for a while now.

I'm 30 my husband is 50 (doesn't look like 50 AT ALL!) we have a 1 year old boy.

We both have good jobs (diferent cities) we've live in different states since we met. I don't like what I do and I would like to change my career and go back again to Graduate School for another major.

I am an engineer and he is an economist, I want to go back to school for a PhD in Psychology, but first I want to stay at home with my baby until he is ready to go to school and then I could go back to school. This sound like a plan since DH is getting a FANTASTIC job . I mean good benefits, good money, very nice city, etc etc etc.

The problem is:

To do so I have to leave my job and I am scared to death!!! what if we don't work out very well? I will be regreting all my life having left a good job. What I would do if we divorce? Start from zero homeless?

Since he is going to be the one making the money how does that is going to work out? He says he will support me always, and he's been trying to convince me to stay at home with our baby but I've been reluctant (reason why we live in diferent cities) to the idea of not having my own money. He is a very generous man, but with a bit of mood swings. We will be living together for the first time since tomorrow,( since he is in academia he is coming to spend the whole summer here at my city ) I guess I will take it from there and see how we work out as a couple.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2008
Tue, 05-19-2009 - 4:31pm

I wasn't telling her to put her eggs in that basket. I was giving her things to think about. I don't think there's any guarantees in life, even if she lived with this man for 10 years, things can still go wrong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2008
Tue, 05-19-2009 - 4:44pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Tue, 05-19-2009 - 10:14pm
Oh I totally understand that, and I never said that there would be any guarantees, but there IS a huge risk factor here. It's the fact that she has no experience living in the same city as him that has me nervous. The dynamics of a close-distance and a long-distance relationships are different. Even just 6 months of being together day in and day out before committing to giving up her career would ease my mind greatly as to their day-to-day compatibility.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2008
Wed, 05-20-2009 - 5:56am

>>Oh I totally understand that, and I never said that there would be any guarantees<<


No, I didn't say you did. I actually said it furthering explaining my position. I do not think the main issue here is her marriage lasting. I think the main issue is whether this woman wants to give up her job or not. JMO. If she solves that issue, the idea her marriage might not last might be a non-issue.


The dynamics of a close-distance and a long-distance relationships are different.


You're right, the dynamics are different. However, if I were married for 10 years, living with the man for 10 years and decided the give up my job to stay home, my concerns would be the same, as far as giving up a job

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2009
Wed, 05-20-2009 - 8:23am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Wed, 05-20-2009 - 8:30am

Not "capability", compatibility. I just want them to make sure that they are compatible as living partners before making any big decisions.

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I totally agree.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2009
Wed, 05-20-2009 - 8:31am


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Wed, 05-20-2009 - 8:34am
This is an aside, but what is the difference between preschool and pre-K? If it's academics, what's the difference between preschool and daycare? I've never quite been clear on what delineates them.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2009
Wed, 05-20-2009 - 8:39am

Why would waiting one year to live together and SAH make a difference how would this ensure to secure the family?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2009
Wed, 05-20-2009 - 8:48am

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