Should I stay or should I go?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2009
Should I stay or should I go?
1679
Mon, 05-18-2009 - 2:36pm

Hi ladies! it is so nice to be here and vent vent vent vent!!! I would like to share with you guys what is been BOTHERING me for a while now.

I'm 30 my husband is 50 (doesn't look like 50 AT ALL!) we have a 1 year old boy.

We both have good jobs (diferent cities) we've live in different states since we met. I don't like what I do and I would like to change my career and go back again to Graduate School for another major.

I am an engineer and he is an economist, I want to go back to school for a PhD in Psychology, but first I want to stay at home with my baby until he is ready to go to school and then I could go back to school. This sound like a plan since DH is getting a FANTASTIC job . I mean good benefits, good money, very nice city, etc etc etc.

The problem is:

To do so I have to leave my job and I am scared to death!!! what if we don't work out very well? I will be regreting all my life having left a good job. What I would do if we divorce? Start from zero homeless?

Since he is going to be the one making the money how does that is going to work out? He says he will support me always, and he's been trying to convince me to stay at home with our baby but I've been reluctant (reason why we live in diferent cities) to the idea of not having my own money. He is a very generous man, but with a bit of mood swings. We will be living together for the first time since tomorrow,( since he is in academia he is coming to spend the whole summer here at my city ) I guess I will take it from there and see how we work out as a couple.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-1998
Tue, 05-26-2009 - 11:13pm

I think you are wrong and I have actual data to prove it

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2009
Tue, 05-26-2009 - 11:36pm

Really? you're not racial? I think you are by the definition of the word (psst that's not a bad thing), but if you want to discuss if you're racist, please bring it on. I don't think anyone has accused you of that yet, but you did bring it up.

There is a long history of American immigrants, legal or otherwise, standing on the corner, or in halls, or in union halls, looking for work. It still exists, and it has existed for over a hundred years, and for good or ill, it will continue.

I have no understanding of your deliberate attempt to equate all day laborers with unAmerican laborers. In fact, I bet the day labor pool has suddenly expanded to include the non-immigrant population due to the economic current down turn.

I think your observation of perceived illegal undertaking, and your lack of intervention, is pretty appalling, if true.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2009
Tue, 05-26-2009 - 11:48pm

Can you indicate where you were sympathetic to the "terrible problem affecting the vulnerable"?

Because I've missed your empathy. Maybe I read it wrong?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2009
Wed, 05-27-2009 - 1:16am

No you weren't.


CNH:

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2009
Wed, 05-27-2009 - 1:17am

I hear that.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2009
Wed, 05-27-2009 - 1:20am
Post 420, backtrack away.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2009
Wed, 05-27-2009 - 6:52am

The theater I work at is across the street from a day laborer office- they have told us the line goes down the block and around the building by 4am most days -- these are for your basic flag man type jobs-- there are people there all day long -- now five years ago when I started workinga t the theater they were busy but not swamped now they're swamped and you see people you never saw before - alot more women, alot more seniors, and the occassional person in a suit looking very lost.

Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Wed, 05-27-2009 - 7:14am

Yes, seriously. Also, plenty of born and bred Americans work off the books, the practice is not limited to illegals.

As far as the day laborers, I bet even more are US citizens now than in years past. If you are out of work, any work is presumably better than no work at all.

The level of venom and ill feeling directed towards Mexican/Hispanic immigrants by some is quite shocking. The film mentioned elsewhere is about the fact that two of these day laborers were murdered by locals who were "upset." But when the dislike is not murderous it still is surprising considering that the US is a country of immigrants. I once had a lady rant to me for hours about all those "hayspanics" who insisted on speaking Spanish. I tried to explain to her that most do also speak English or learn to anyway along the way. But she was upset that they continued to speak Spanish, even if they had learned English. She herself was descended from German immigrants. It turned out that she and her dh were married in her home church, in German. It took a lot of restraint not to laugh when she told me that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-1998
Wed, 05-27-2009 - 8:27am

Absolutely! These articles were all written before the economy took a dive. I would imagine the numbers have evened up considerably.


DH and I have watched a couple of interesting movies about illegal aliens recently. One that stands out is Under The Same Moon.

Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Wed, 05-27-2009 - 9:12am
The other reason I do not understand the animosity to Hispanic immigrants is that, as a group, they tend to be family-oriented, interested in assimilating, interested in building a solid and secure life for their families etc, close to ideal as immigrants go. It is hard for me to see how they are any different from the wave of Italian immigrants about 100 years ago. Of course, the Italians (and the Irish and the Greeks etc) were treated quite horribly too, but that still doesn't make it any better IMO for them to now turn around and behave so nastily to the Mexicans.

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