A side, from the *dad* debate....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2009
A side, from the *dad* debate....
20
Mon, 09-14-2009 - 1:35pm

A firend and I were talking the other day, and between our conversation, and this recent thread, I got to thinking......What is a realistic division of (house/family) work for family with a sahp/wohm?


Some of you have said that it's up to the person with the higher *standards* to meet those standards...but I wonder, where does one draw the line?

********
Ducky

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Sun, 09-20-2009 - 2:15pm

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Yes! Try telling anyone to take care of both my little ones while I'm gone AND do chores also, and they'll quickly find it's impossible. Usually one of us has to watch the kids so that the other can shower, do laundry, wash dishes, etc. Heck, once I found myself saying "Oh thank God you're home - I need to pee!" LOL










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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2009
Sun, 09-20-2009 - 1:08pm

I'm a SAHM, and I defintely do most of the housework. Our son is only 10 months, so there isn't a whole lot of free time during the day to do stuff. He usually mows the grass, fixes anything around the house, and takes the trash out. His "job" is to take the baby and occupy him while I do the stuff I wasn't able to get done while he was at work. Daily, I pick up the toys, do the dishes that were used during the day, sweep the floors (we have all hardwoods).


I have fibromyalgia so occasionally I am not feeling up to doing a whole lot. When I first started SAH, I would feel resentful because the house could be a mess, and he would just ignore it. After talking about it, I realized that he was just used to me doing it, and the mess didn't bother him like it bothers me. He will help, if I ask him. Now, if I go grocery shopping or other errands and he is home, I can ask him to do the dishes, or mop the floors, etc. and he will. If I don't ask, I can't get upset when stuff isn't done.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2009
Tue, 09-15-2009 - 8:17pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2008
Tue, 09-15-2009 - 10:15am

We have the housework split in a way that works for us.

Lilypie First Birthday tickers  
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2001
Tue, 09-15-2009 - 10:04am
Well, there's the less-direct method of complaining too...meaning, my clothes on the floor don't get washed (and I run out of gym clothes, for example). Or I don't cook dinner until he gets home to wash a few extra dishes. And we eat late. I prefer the direct approach. So does he.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Tue, 09-15-2009 - 9:36am

The person who *is* doing the job can complain. Dh can get on me for not putting my laundry in the hamper. I can complain if there are dirty breakfast dishes in the sink when I get home to try to cook dinner.




but if i complain about a chore i might be doing it's a signal to DH that he needs to step in and help.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Tue, 09-15-2009 - 9:30am

i'm glad to hear equal divisions of labor work for you.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Mon, 09-14-2009 - 11:56pm

What are some of his at-home chores? Does he have ANY? (such as lawn mowing, just as one example). I would suggest she put the discussion into a context he can see, such as (using my example), if he's in charge of mowing the lawn, is he ALSO in charge of clearing the lawn of all the toys and gardening tools, etc., so that he CAN mow, or does he expect the family to assist in the preparation of lawn mowing by being sure to keep their toys and belongings put away, leaving the lawn free for mowing whenever he can get to it?

Then she can bring the example around to the laundry, similarly as the person in charge of the laundry, there are places for the laundry to be so that she KNOWS it needs to be washed. These places are known as hampers and anything in the hamper gets washed and anything NOT in the hamper does not.

************

Kitty

The horrifying consequences of underaged
baking cannot be overstated.--me, because there's nothing you can't learn from teh
interwebz

************

Kitty

"If you can't annoy somebody with what you write, I think there's little point in writing."-- Kingsley Amis, British novelist, 1971 t .

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2009
Mon, 09-14-2009 - 11:38pm
That makes sense.

********
Ducky

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2001
Mon, 09-14-2009 - 9:43pm

So, I used to work with a guy who had that exact attitude "the person with the higher standard just has to do it". He's a pig. He's 45 and still single.

My thought is "the person who is NOT doing the work, has no right to complain".

My husband cannot complain about the meals that I cook.

I cannot complain about how frequently the laundry is done (as long as it's not sitting on the bed to be folded when I am getting ready to go to bed. I don't care if it gets wrinkled waiting for tomorrow).

Dh cannot complain if all I do is wash the plates and then stop.

The person who *is* doing the job can complain. Dh can get on me for not putting my laundry in the hamper. I can complain if there are dirty breakfast dishes in the sink when I get home to try to cook dinner.

I never considered that it was the SAHMs job to do everything. I think the number of hours should be equivalent. If the WOHP is working 45 hours per week, then the equivalent amount of home care/child care/homeschooling should be completed at home. After that, the rest of the work gets divvied up.

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