Sneaking purchases...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sneaking purchases...
1291
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 11:10am

I was reading another board about sneaking purchases past their husband's. I know I use to sneak before we started doing our finances together. I would actually come home during lunch to get the mail or unload packages. I was pitiful. Even now, I will bring things in the house and wince thinking how upset Devin would be with me.


So, have you ever hid purchases or not told your DH the whole picture of your finances? We use to horrible fights about finances. I would do the weekly budget and e-mail him it. We would discuss it and everything was fine. Then, he would tell me two days later that he was doing a marathon that cost $75.00. I had to actually ask him before we did the budget-Do you have any marathons? Do you need shoes? Do you have any equipment you need? Can you tell I

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 11:58pm
Sorry, that does not make you a ft sahm. You are, by defintion, a pt wohm. Just as I am. Why pretend to be something that you arent? I'm very proud of my status and I have no issue with saying the words *Part-time-working-mother*. Try it!! Its not hard.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 12:04am
While I agree that good shoes for certain things are important, you can buy inexpensive children's shoes with good arch support. And you said it-most kids arent that hard on shoes. Mainly because they tend to outgrow them before they can break down the arches-my ds goes up a half size about every 6 months. Now my dd's feet appear to have stopped growing (we hope, poor girl, she is a size 9 or 9.5!!), so its more important that she has shoes that can last because she will wear them longer.

If you are *that* worried about it, they REALLY should be going barefoot ;o)!! And YOU should NOT be wearing 10 year old shoes yourself-no matter how expensive, they are probably not doing your feet any good. Expensive shoes break down just like cheap ones!


dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 12:19am
By the definition I gave, it absolutely and undeniably makes me a FTSAHM. Who are you to categorize me? I'm glad you are proud of your work status. I happen to proud of my parenting status, the one that allows me to be home with them all day, every day. The one that allows me to be the one they see when they wake, or get a booboo, or want to go to the park in the middle of the day, or the zoo in the morning twice in a row, b/c they had so much fun the day before. If your job allows you all these things with NO restrictions (meaning no set schedule, no mandatory days, having to request vacation time and wait for approval, etc) then maybe you are miscategorizing yourself too. I don't think your job allows you these luxuries though, does it? Of course all those tasks can be scheduled, but us SAHMs can go on a whim, anytime, anyday! It is divine!

Why does it bother you people that I categorize myself, according to my description mentioned a few posts back, as a FTSAHM? It's like your trying to lure my to "your side" or something, as if there's some kind of light "over there" that you think I'm going to see? I think it's weird....why can't you just let it be? Honestly, go back and read my post a few back? Am I wrong in my description of what a SAHM is, and do I or do I not fit it? I am home and WITH the children, with my attention on them completely, for all of their waking hours every single day of the week. And about ONE DAY A MONTH, I work while they sleep. Even the "official" FTSAHMS here probably leave their kids for a few hours a month with a sitter or grandma for some alone time, or time with dh. Am I "disqualified" b/c I leave and get paid? What about the SAHM who volunteers at her church 2 days a week for 5 hours each morning, and leaves the kids with her sister, or neighbor? Is she disqualified too, or is she still "in" b/c she's not getting paid?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 6:26am

Well, hell .. I suppose I can make up my own definitions too, and make myself a SAHM if I wanted.


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That's the point. No one is disqualifed at being a ft mom because they WOH. you *do* WOH pt. You can't deny that. Its is a FACT. No one thinks you are less of a mother because you WOH pt ... well, I think you do, that's why you won't classify yourself that way.

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 6:37am
It sounds like you see saying that you are a SAHM as some kind of badge of honor when you talk about being "disqualified" and being "in" It is simply a definition not an award. If you have paid employment then you are a WOHM, if you do not have paid employment then you are a SAHM.

In early 1995 I was a SAHM who volunteered a few hours a week.

In late 1995 I became a WOHM who worked part time.

The hours I worked/volunteered were very similiar but my definition was different.








iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 7:01am
"dc" means daycare. Do SAHMs who CRITICIZE WOHMs truly have the opportunity to work, earn a salary and make their income a meaningful contribution to the household? Do you? Or is the ft salary you could earn today equal or less than what dc would cost, making WOH a "wash," to use your own terminology?

Also, there is no way a typical summer job during 4 yrs of hs is going to make a dent in $40,000 tuition (the $40,000 does not incl. room and board) at the top schools should a child turn out to be smart enough to get accepted. It's just unrealistic to make your blanket statements that SAHM is best, but not look ahead to college and grad school tuition. I'm sure some WOHMs factor in college tuition in their decision. It's silly to say SAHMs are best because we can stay home and sit down with our young children everyday to do their homework. Why get good grades if they can't afford the best college that would foster their strengths? State U isn't necessarily the best choice for those Einsteins out there. By criticizing women who don't SAH and scrimp like you did just to get by, you advocate foreclosing a child's college choices and therefore, his ENTIRE future. I couldn't fault a WOHM in that way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 7:20am
True, but as you get closer to the end of your loan, the amount you are paying in a mortgage is a smaller % of your total budget. The loan payment is static and most people's income increase through out the loan period. As the loan becomes less of an "investment", you will have more income leftover to make other investments.

Janet

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 7:25am
No, I'm saying the alleged "ban" against white is nothing more than an affectation. If it were a true ban, "winter white" would not exist. Either white is acceptable all year round or it's not. This senseless "shades of white" that the fashion industry cons people into buying into is nothing more than that...a con. A way for them to sell you TWO sets of white clothing/shoes instead of one.

And they can have it. I don't wear white so it's not an issue.

As to the other nonsense that "fabrics/colors" are mandated by season, again, nonsense. ESPECIALLY here in the DC area where it's simply not unheard of to have 70 degree weather in March. You know, like 5 days ago. If you want to slave yourself to some ridiculous "rules" that forbid you wearing weather appropriate clothing, or seasonally "ruled" colors, go for it. As for me, if I feel like wearing pink, I'm gonna wear pink. If I feel like wearing deep aqua, I'm gonna wear deep aqua. And if I feel like wearing black...yup, I'm gonna wear black.

And I'll wear fabrics appropriate to the weather of the DAY and the circumstance; the season can simply take care of itself. So when my office is freezing in August because the A/C is set to Arctic, I'm gonna be wearing wool sweaters. And when I get ready to leave work, I'll change to a cotton t. When it's 70 degrees in February, I'll be wearing my little silk skirts and t's and sandals.

You can disagree all you want to; I'm not foolish enough to follow a rule for no better reason than the fashion industry is trying to make a buck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 7:45am

"I don't think your job allows you these luxuries though, does it?"


Hoo boy, that's a good one!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 7:47am
Oh, nonsense. I agree it's better to buy, because you end up with something in the end, but it's sheer and utter nonsense that you can't find safe 1 bedroom housing within 15 miles of DC for under $1500. Bowie, Crofton and 'burbs of Annapolis are all well within that range, as are Laurel and areas of Silver Spring and Wheaton. All of those areas have apartments in safe neighborhoods for less than $1500.

Maybe you can't in Virginia, but it's a flat out lie that it can't be done in Maryland.

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