Sneaking purchases...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sneaking purchases...
1291
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 11:10am

I was reading another board about sneaking purchases past their husband's. I know I use to sneak before we started doing our finances together. I would actually come home during lunch to get the mail or unload packages. I was pitiful. Even now, I will bring things in the house and wince thinking how upset Devin would be with me.


So, have you ever hid purchases or not told your DH the whole picture of your finances? We use to horrible fights about finances. I would do the weekly budget and e-mail him it. We would discuss it and everything was fine. Then, he would tell me two days later that he was doing a marathon that cost $75.00. I had to actually ask him before we did the budget-Do you have any marathons? Do you need shoes? Do you have any equipment you need? Can you tell I

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 8:39pm

Yes but you didn't ask that now did you....would you like to point out a post where I was judgmental or condescending to someone?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 8:43pm
Well, hell, by that ridiculous standard, *I'm* a FT SAHM, and I've been logging 50-70+ hours every single week for the past month. But, hey, I do my work when my kid's asleep, so cool!!!!! Hey, PnJ, I'm a SAHM!!!!!!!! And I'm still contributing to my 401(k) *and* Social Security.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 8:49pm
Show me where I accused anyone of, to use your words, "attacks"... you guys seriously crack me up!

To answer her question, which was something to the effect of my dh's relationship with our kids...I admire him for how hard he works at using what little time he has with them to truly try and build a foundation with them. It is sooo important. We both wish he had more time, but sadly, families cannot do without any income. We thank God that at least one of us is able to be with the children all the time. We are so glad we are able to see past the material things to realize that for us, his income can provide 99% of our needs. He loves our children very much, and does his best in the time he has. And he realizes the value of my having 40+ more hours a week than he does. If both of you work, neither would have the benefit of seeing the difference of one parent being at home and one not. But if you fill those 40+ hours with parental love, parental time, education, etc, than they DO make a difference. To deny that is ignorant. Sure your DC can provide those same things, but NOT in the same capacity that you as their parent can. To believe that a dc provider will love and nurture you child THE SAME AS YOU DO, is selling yourself short, that's all there is to it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 8:58pm
If you are working 70 hours at night, where are your children while you sleep?
Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 9:00pm
<> Nobody here has ever said, nor do they believe that a DC provider can do that either. People who use DC expect their children to be well cared for and loved the way a DC provider can love a child in their care. Nobody here or anyone I've ever known expects a DC provider to love a child the SAME as a parent. And there's no need for that. That's a very limited, narrow view of they different types of relationships children can have with other adults.

<> So tell me how your DH is any different than any other parent that works. He's not. Most WOHPs do exactly that.

<> Again, how is your DH different than any other WOHP?

<> How do you know what kind of schedules people here have? How do you know they're not working opposite shifts? How do you know they don't have flexible schedules and are home with their kids every day after school? You assume too much based on your narrow views of what constitues a dual WOHP household. Maybe if you actually were part of one of those households you'd have a clue as to how they work. As it is you're assuming things about families that have no basis in reality.

<> Yeah, right, like my next-door-neighbor growing up. She was a SAHM of 8 kids. Filthier home, more repugnant family you'd never want to meet. Don't assume that just because a parent is home that there's any more love or education or personal time than a WOHP. To deny that is ignorant.

Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 9:05pm
Not to answer for H&I, but I imagine while she's working her DS is home sleeping so he can get up and go to work in the morning. H&I please correct me if I'm mistaken.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 9:10pm
Way to misinterpret. You're funny. I never said I wasnt concerned about my children. I said I was not concerned about the parent-child relationship. And again, what ABOUT your dh? Is the relationship between him and his children somehow *less* because he woh?


dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 9:11pm
>>>Yeah, right, like my next-door-neighbor growing up. She was a SAHM of 8 kids. Filthier home, more repugnant family you'd never want to meet<<<

If this was your view of how it would be if you stayed home with your children, its no wonder you chose to work. As for the rest of us here, I think its fair to say this wouldn't describe anyone posting here. But thanks for your insight that not all SAHMs are good ones. I happen not to fall into that category, so it doesn't really apply to me. I choose to be the best SAHM I can.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 9:13pm
Well, if that's the case, I hardly think she has the insight to council anyone here on what it is like to raise a child in today's world. She was doing this 20 yrs ago. For cryin' out loud...yeah, my mom has different views on some parenting issues too...we've all learned since then...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 9:24pm
But thats just it. You cannot judge a parent by their work status. You appear to think that by claiming you are a sahm (you are not), you are somehow elevated above other parents. You appear to think that your children will magically be *better*, never get into trouble, never have problems at school, etc. Got news for ya, their IQs are not going to increase simply by having your presence near.

What I think is highly insulting is your insinuation that wohms are not as caring or *good* as you are. I just hope they are raising their children with a less judgemental attitude than the one you convey.

And in regards to that attitude-what if you have a dd who ends up in a very high powered career that she does not feel the need to give up when she has children. Going to look down on HER too?????

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

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