Sneaking purchases...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sneaking purchases...
1291
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 11:10am

I was reading another board about sneaking purchases past their husband's. I know I use to sneak before we started doing our finances together. I would actually come home during lunch to get the mail or unload packages. I was pitiful. Even now, I will bring things in the house and wince thinking how upset Devin would be with me.


So, have you ever hid purchases or not told your DH the whole picture of your finances? We use to horrible fights about finances. I would do the weekly budget and e-mail him it. We would discuss it and everything was fine. Then, he would tell me two days later that he was doing a marathon that cost $75.00. I had to actually ask him before we did the budget-Do you have any marathons? Do you need shoes? Do you have any equipment you need? Can you tell I

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 6:57am

*sllluuuurrrp* (that's the sound of me being sucked in again ...


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Not one person has criticized her parenting. Not one poster has made any implication about how good a parent she is to her children. She, however, has inferred (and blanketly stated) that many of us are not good parents because we WOH. She is criticizing much more harshly.


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Of course not. NO TWO CHILDREN, sah or woh, get teh same overall life experience. My children would have a totally different life experience if I SAH. But it wouldn't be a WORSE life experience; just different.


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She is *way out there* when she's doing that thinking for other families. If she's thinking for her family, and what is best for them, then she's probably right on. After all, they are HER family; and she's knows whats best for them, not us. Pity, she can't see the reverse is true as well.


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Yep and I don't think you'll find one WOHM (or SAHM) that disagrees with that. It *may* be. But for most of us, we know what the case is for our children and dc is NOT detrimental to my children.


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Because they are sharing the responsibility with other workers. They aren't doing it 24/7. And because, like you, they could be great people that know how to work through the stress.


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You've missed the point. We don't believe that. What we do belive is that if a WOHD, who is the sole-incom provider, can be a GREAT, LOVING, INVOLVED dad then a WOHM (secondary income) can be a GREAT, LOVING, INVOLVED dad. Funsahm has said some terrible things about WOHMs and how they love and value their children. Would she say the same thing about her husband? Nope. Why? He isn't any with her children any more than we are with ours. If HE can be a great father, we can be great mothers. Why is that concept so hard for militant SAHMs to grasp?


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When I was married, dh had no stress related to the kids being in dc. He had pressure taken off him knowing the children were being well cared for and well educated. He also had pressure taken off knowing his children didn't have to do without extras, because my income provided for those.

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 7:31am
Well, that's not only an irrational observation, it's just plain stupid.

I don't know of ANYONE who thinks their DCP will...how did you spew it again?...oh yes.... "love and nurture you child THE SAME AS YOU DO".

I don't expect my son's FATHER to love and nurture my child the same as I do; why would I expect my DCP to do so? Just because it's not the same doesn't make it bad or inferior or neglectful or anything to be ashamed of. It's just different. Might as well complain that mustard is different than catsup. yeah, it is; so what?

I DID, however, expect my DCP to love and nurture my child; and she did so beyond any ability of some self-aggrandizing stranger on the internet to impugn. That her love and her nurturing was different isn't relevant at all; it was still love and it was still nurturing.

works for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 7:35am
Home, sleeping, just like YOURS fellow Full-Time Stay At Hom Mommy!!! Glad to join your sacred sect and all; What a privilege to know that I can be a SAH Mommy just like the most militant of your ilk and all I have to do is work when John's in bed. Cool beans!!!!

And nyah, nyah nyah to all you cruel, selfish WOHMs who still work days :::waggling butt and tongue simultaneously at the masses:::::

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 7:37am
Nope, you're totally right. My baby boy sleeps while I work so that he can work while I sleep. HEY!! Does that make him a SAH Son???? We SO TOTALLY ROCK!!! :::snort::::
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 7:40am
yeah, cuz we ALL know that Mom's who have already FINISHED raising their kids are completely ignorant of all the WEALTH of information possessed by people who are still buying diapers....

ROFL.

It's a sure bet that if you're a practicing Christian, you're completely unfamiliar with Titus 2, eh?

Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 7:42am
:::snort::: is right! LOL!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 7:44am
But I also get to wear the SAHM medal because I work when my DD is at school.
Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 7:44am
But am I really a FT WOHM? After all my boys are in school for most of the day, and DH or I am at home in the mornings with them and 3 afternoons a week with them, so what does that make me??? I'm still trying to figure it out. Even if I didn't WOH they'd still have to be in school and we'd still be apart for a good portion of the day.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 7:51am
Oops, your ignorance is showing.

The benefits of breastmilk were widely known and publicized before my child was born. I had 3 parenting mentors who breastfed exclusively the first year and extend fed til their kids self-weaned. I conferred with them a great deal before finally choosing (with their blessing, I might add) to formula feed based on my personal situation at the time. But I am and was back then, a very vocal proponent of breastfeeding. Ask anyone here.

The TV thing was heavily played even when *I* was a child, let alone when my son was.

Nutrition? ditto.

SIDS? The only thing that's changed about that is the recommendation against tummy sleeping and the removal of soft, cushiony bedding from the crib in the earliest months.

Certainly they've had vast advances, but you are presumptuous in your claim that because my son is no longer an infant that I have lost the ability to read, observe and learn, as well as in your presumption that because my child is no longer an infant, I have no knowledge of things relating to them. Given how many of my friends have small children themselves and given the fact that real friends take a keen interest in things that interest their friends, I have plenty of opportunities to observe what is different and what's the same in the past 20 years. I also teach 2 year old Sunday School, as well as administer the entire Cribbery program at church, including keeping the Cribbery up to state regulations and code.

You presume much and know little. That's hardly anything to be proud of.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 7:53am
I think we're going to need a ruling here. You: "Also, children are more likely to be abused in their own home than in a DC setting." There are many problems with this accusation, but one being in how you define "abuse." To me, spanking, timeouts, yanking a child by his arm, CIO before naps is abusive. That's how I define it. Is it criminal? No, but it's offensive and abusive to me and possibly many other families who've had a parent give up a job and SAH. They have a parent quit working and SAH because of this possibility - that this may not be how the dc provider defines abuse.

Having my definition in mind (which is probably how many SAHPs also define it), how can you possibly say (without aid of video cameras in dc home/centers and homes) that more abuse occurs in home?

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