Sneaking purchases...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sneaking purchases...
1291
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 11:10am

I was reading another board about sneaking purchases past their husband's. I know I use to sneak before we started doing our finances together. I would actually come home during lunch to get the mail or unload packages. I was pitiful. Even now, I will bring things in the house and wince thinking how upset Devin would be with me.


So, have you ever hid purchases or not told your DH the whole picture of your finances? We use to horrible fights about finances. I would do the weekly budget and e-mail him it. We would discuss it and everything was fine. Then, he would tell me two days later that he was doing a marathon that cost $75.00. I had to actually ask him before we did the budget-Do you have any marathons? Do you need shoes? Do you have any equipment you need? Can you tell I

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 8:51am
I'm totally saying this as an outsider who's never used dc. Do you really find that dc providers "love" your children? Because I've heard many women say, my dc provider was so upset and cried when I told her Johnny wouldn't be coming anymore. And I've thought dc providers look at it as a job, sometimes an overworked, underpaid job with often a high turnover rate even in the best dcs. As someone admittedly on the outside of it all, I just can't see another adult loving my child. Caring for him and hopefully not mistreating him - yes. But loving, I thought, was asking too much. Are you just fortunate, or do most WOHMs "expect" love from the dc provider?

And I do expect their father to love them the same as I do. Treat them in a different way? Yes, of course.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 8:51am
How does that apply when the children are in school 30 hours a week?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 8:52am
Uh, she has one 21 year old child.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 8:53am
Funny, I don't fall into the category YOU put all WOHMs in, either.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 8:55am
No, actually, I think much of her advice has great value because she's BTDT, and my children are only 4 and 2.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 8:57am

I'm sorry you are so poor at multi-tasking, or don't see the value.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 8:58am

My nanny started working for us when my DD was a year old (she's 3 now)...she was there when I gave birth to my DS and was the one that helped my DD with the transition since Daddy was by my side.


She loves them like they are her own grandchildren. She carries their pictures in her wallet...she buys them gifts, she remembers all their milestones and even corrects me sometimes "No, his tooth came out on this day!" Sometimes I tell her that my DD was being bratty on the weekend and she tells me "Not my girl...but she doesn't act like that!" She defends her! LOL


When we went to Florida for a 2 week vacation...ONLY 2 weeks...I thought she would be so happy to have a break. She stood at the door and looked at my kids and lost it! She was crying for 20 minutes saying goodbye to them.


Yes, a DC provider can love your children. And to see another person love your children in that way...well, its such a wonderful feeling. I feel like we are a team : both of us working together to nurture and educate "our" kids. She is truly a part of our family!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 8:59am
I take issue with your saying you "expect" teachers to love your children. This, unlike with dc, I have experience with. Even the best of my teachers, and up until college I had very small class sizes - 15 -20 students in an English class., for ex. - did not love me. And I am quite lovable! But I disagree that dc providers and, later on, teachers love their charges. That's the main difference I see with dc and SAHP - the child with a SAHP is with someone who loves him, but at dc, he's with someone who's doing her job, hopefully really well and kindly. The child home for those 40 hours is with someone who loves him (if it's not a nasty SAHP). That difference, I believe, has to be allowed by WOHPs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 8:59am

If I SAH, my kids would not be more loving, considerate, kind, better educated, cleaner....need I continue?


If I were using suboptimal othercare, you might have a point.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 9:05am

A DC provider and a teacher is two totally different things. Especially in young children there is so much one-on-one contact...my DCP would have to be totally heartless to not love a baby giving her gummy smiles every morning! All the DCP that I know do love their kids....its a much more intimate relationship than student-teacher.

 

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