Sneaking purchases...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sneaking purchases...
1291
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 11:10am

I was reading another board about sneaking purchases past their husband's. I know I use to sneak before we started doing our finances together. I would actually come home during lunch to get the mail or unload packages. I was pitiful. Even now, I will bring things in the house and wince thinking how upset Devin would be with me.


So, have you ever hid purchases or not told your DH the whole picture of your finances? We use to horrible fights about finances. I would do the weekly budget and e-mail him it. We would discuss it and everything was fine. Then, he would tell me two days later that he was doing a marathon that cost $75.00. I had to actually ask him before we did the budget-Do you have any marathons? Do you need shoes? Do you have any equipment you need? Can you tell I

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 2:12pm
Sure can.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 2:25pm
But isn't it to her and her children's credit that she truly believes she's just a ft SAHM? I mean I too must spend 10 hrs out of the hse each month where my children are only with DH. I'm not getting paid, but I'm just a SAHM, not a pt Wohm. Do we women have to justify the catty stereotype and pummel her repeatedly? That's the reason I jumped in. It gets unproductively ugly here sometimes. Oh, yes, I forgot, this is a purported Debate board, deal with it. I think women should be able to have a productive discussion without getting ugly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 2:29pm

No, not at all. It's not at all to her and her children's credit that she calls herself "just a SAHM."

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 2:31pm

No, I don't know...but now I am making up things or feigning ignorance? Plus I am being manipulative as well?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 2:32pm
Can I answer? Of course my situation tends to run a bit outside the norm, but I can give some pretty concrete examples. Because my dd *did* have some separation/abandonment issues, it was actually recommended by her therapist that *I* sah with her (as much as was feasible). It was on me rather than dh because her issues were with women-she already had a strong bonded relationship with dh, but she needed to learn to trust ME. We *could* have managed it with me woh ft, but it sure made things easier as far as consistency to have me be able to be the one to take her to school, pick her up, volunteer in her class, make her breakfast, visit her at lunch, take her to the dr, etc.

Ds was a VERY colicky baby who started teething at 3m (had ALL his teeth by 18mo, even his 2 year molars-in fact he just LOST his first tooth already!!). I dont think he ever slept more than 10-11 hrs total, even when he was tiny. In order to comfort him, you had to carry him propped up in your arms so he faced outward and could *see*. We have more pictures of us walking around like that with him!! I honestly dont know that a dc provider could have handled it-he was a challenge (makes up for it now thank goodness). Plus, he went through some pretty intense separation anxiety, I am thankful that I was able to kind of let him ride it out on his terms rather than forcing him to adjust before he was ready. Despite his extreme attachment to me, by 3 he walked into his preschool classroom with nary a glance back at me, which makes me feel that we did do the right thing by being able to give him that extra time.

Now, I certainly dont think that my kids would have been *harmed* by my woh ft. We probably would have gone the nanny route or au pair (you know my dc issues). It would have been a little harder on them overall I think though, if I hadnt been able to be home the majority of the time.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 2:33pm

After reading your last post, you might try practicing what your preach.


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 2:41pm
So you dont think her accusations that wohms are somehow destroying the relationship they have with their children (Or its not as good as HER relationship with her kids) isnt nasty? And as far as cattiness, why is it wrong to call yourself a pt wohm if thats what you ARE? She has a JOB, she WORKS outside the home. I have friends who work 1 day a month, but they still say they have a JOB.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 2:48pm
Well, if my only choice for a daycare provider involved the risk of having my child spanked, yanked by the arm, or "crying it out" before naps, then yes, I would have been a stay-at-home mother. My providers did none of those things. They did use time-outs, which I don't consider abusive -- they are effective in a group situation if administered properly, and my provider did so properly. She and her employee are terrific, dedicated, people. My kids were blessed to have time with them.

I think when we're talking about the rates of abuse in family vs other-care, that we're basically talking the more egregious forms of physical/sexual abuse. Not the possibility of a child having her self-esteem damaged by an overly critical mother or an overly critical daycare provider, which are both bad situations, but hard to measure because it's not the kind of thing that's going to show up on morbidity reports.

Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 3:01pm
Okay, first you're being harsh, now you're feigning ignorance AS WELL AS being *manipulative!* You had better clean up your act today, young lady.

ROFLMAO!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 3:02pm

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

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