Sneaking purchases...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sneaking purchases...
1291
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 11:10am

I was reading another board about sneaking purchases past their husband's. I know I use to sneak before we started doing our finances together. I would actually come home during lunch to get the mail or unload packages. I was pitiful. Even now, I will bring things in the house and wince thinking how upset Devin would be with me.


So, have you ever hid purchases or not told your DH the whole picture of your finances? We use to horrible fights about finances. I would do the weekly budget and e-mail him it. We would discuss it and everything was fine. Then, he would tell me two days later that he was doing a marathon that cost $75.00. I had to actually ask him before we did the budget-Do you have any marathons? Do you need shoes? Do you have any equipment you need? Can you tell I

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 3:04pm
I am sure that my daycare providers would describe the feelings that they have for my children as "love." They got my older son when he was just over two, and watched him until he was eight. During that time, the younger was was born -- he started in their care at five months and continued until he was six -- these people were important parts of our family for about eight years total, and the kids have an ongoing bond with them -- it's a bond that is diminishing with time, but they still see each other about once every six to eight weeks and there are always hugs and "catch ups" and whatever -- the kids are eight and twelve now. We didn't know our last daycare day was our last daycare day -- I'd paid them through the end of the school year, but my hours were changed and I was getting off at the same time as my six y/o....so I gradually cut down taking him...he could go over there and play from time to time the last couple of months since the spot was paid for, and then come summer, we didn't go anymore....but her kids and mine still go to each other's birthday parties, we stop by with a small gift and a card for mother's day and the provider's birthdays, etc. You can't "ask" another adult to love your child, but it happens when you're lucky. And I believe that babies are kind of "wired" to love anyone who cares for them, so parents should realize that their babies will indeed form a bond with their providers.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 3:05pm
And during non-working hours in the homes of dual WOHPs, "there is certainly room for abuse of this sort of thing." Where are you going with this? (We were discussing dc.)
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 3:07pm

Where's that "bangingyourheadagainstthebrickwall" icon?


We have *repeatedly* said that all our children's lives would be *different* if we WOHMs chose to SAHMs. Different. *different* DIFFERENT. DiFfErEnT


But different doens't mean worse. Its just different. My kids might be better at putting their toys away if I was home with them instead of working. But dd wouldn't have her gymnastics ability because I couldn't afford the lessons. Ds might not still have his pacifier if I SAH, but he also might not know all the words to 153 nursery rhymes. There would be lots of differences. But its my *parenting* that will help them to be happy, responsible, independent, intelligent adults in 18 years; not my work status.

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 3:14pm
I'm trying to get rid of yelling altogether. I didn't really yell until recently. My 3 are 10 mos, 2.5 and 4.5.

In my home, I would only be using timeouts for when I lose my temper, so I don't think they should be used on my children. Other more even-tempered moms/dads may be using timeouts in a more fair way. In my home, they'd be somewhat abusive because not really disciplining my children, just me regrouping, which isn't a bad idea, but I often get over it by leaving a room saying, Mommy's going potty, and then return hopefully in a better temper. I'm not saying I'm doing a good job, just you asked how I handle things.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 3:16pm

I'm curious you have posted quite a bit about children being abused to use your term for CIO before naps, time outs, arm pulling and etc, in a daycare setting.....do you have first hand knowledge that these abuses for lack of better word, occur in daycares in your area or anywhere?


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 3:20pm
Oh yea...Mommy has been known to have a time out every once in awhile as well.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 3:21pm
I previously didn't see it as a slight to WOHMs, but now that you point it out, I would be offended somewhat if I were a WOHM debating here. OK. I can see how that would add to a stigma or dirty secret of WOH, obviously something I don't personally ascribe to.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 3:22pm
How is to her and her children's credit that she thinks that she is a SAHM? It says nothing about her parenting. Would her parenting change in any way if she considered herself a WOHM and not a SAHM? She is stuck on a stereostype. She does not consider herself a WOHM because she feels that she does not act like a WOHM. How does a WOHM act?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 4:01pm

No we're discussing SAH and WOH. Thus, the topic of the board.


If your contention is that some dc is a poor option because of the chance of abuse, then SAH is a poor option too, because there is also the chance of abuse there.

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 4:38pm
What do you mean? Call it "CIO" when it isn't? I guess I'm not understanding you. "CIO" is a method that is used commonly with the support by the AAP, I believe, to get the kids to fall asleep on their own. Moms or a DCP who lets kids cry because they are too tired or won't be bothered aren't using "CIO" *method* at all.

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