Sneaking purchases...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sneaking purchases...
1291
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 11:10am

I was reading another board about sneaking purchases past their husband's. I know I use to sneak before we started doing our finances together. I would actually come home during lunch to get the mail or unload packages. I was pitiful. Even now, I will bring things in the house and wince thinking how upset Devin would be with me.


So, have you ever hid purchases or not told your DH the whole picture of your finances? We use to horrible fights about finances. I would do the weekly budget and e-mail him it. We would discuss it and everything was fine. Then, he would tell me two days later that he was doing a marathon that cost $75.00. I had to actually ask him before we did the budget-Do you have any marathons? Do you need shoes? Do you have any equipment you need? Can you tell I

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Sat, 04-03-2004 - 7:56pm
Actually, I wasn't talking about either situation. At issue is whether teachers and dc providers love the children in their care.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 04-03-2004 - 8:05pm
<> No, we're not paid to care for our colleagues, superiors and subordinates. But many of us are lucky enough to work with such wonderful people that we end up caring about them as we do our own families. It's sad that you don't understand those kinds of relationships because *YOU* are missing out. >>

You were lucky, I wasn't. Seems to me dc really is the luck of the draw. Unless of course you can prove it isn't.

Mayhaps luvthebabes, like me, doesn't like the odds.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Sat, 04-03-2004 - 8:11pm
You are spending way toooo much time on this debate topic. And, no, of course, you haven't shown I'm lying. Nowhere in that message does ECSM allege the dc provider loves her child and, in fact, the post to which ECSM was responding - #4492.6 - makes it absolutely, crystal clear that with the high turnover rates, there is no way the original poster could find a dc provider to love a child. She did use the term "loving." Yes, hopefully the dc center is a loving, kind environment - not one that fosters fighting and aggression. But, no, the tone of that board is that WOHPs don't need someone to love their child at dc because the child is loved by his parents.
Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 04-03-2004 - 8:24pm
You continue to amuse me. I think your posts are some of the best fiction I've ever read.

<> Yes, you are "missing out." Because you can't understand those relationships you like to put down. But it seems that's your modus operandi and you do that to pretty much every post you disagree with. You're just misinformed.

<> No, I'm not feigning kindness. I really don't care if you think I'm kind to your or not.

<> I'm glad you agree with me that your posts are hysterical.

<> Ditto. I find your posts lately very entertaining. I haven't posted much lately, but your posts have brought out the laughter-factor.

<> You must be. Otherwise why would you feel it necessary to put down an entire group of people for no good reason. You can't have our experiences so how can you make broad, generalized statements about what the child/childcare relationship is like? Oh, yeah, because it makes you feel better to *think* your choice is the best choice for all.

> No. Again, you've completely missed the point or misrepresented the point. I'm not surprised.

<> And it's very obvious you've learned very little about me or any other WOHM here, and assume that all WOHMs are militant WOHMs or couldn't possibly care about their families the way you care about yours.




Edited 4/3/2004 9:36 pm ET ET by laurenmom2boys

Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 04-03-2004 - 8:32pm
<> Yes, I know you've had bad experiences. I haven't and many people here have had very good relationships with care providers.

She hasn't had *any* experience with DC (at least none that she's mentioned in this forum). But yet she feels she's qualified to comment on the very good relationships and experiences many of us have had. Not only does she comment on them, but she trivializes them. My children have had good relationships with care providers. It's insulting when some stranger acts like those relationships are/were not important. It's insulting when someone trivializes decent, loving relationships when they have *no clue* as to the extent of those relationships.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Sat, 04-03-2004 - 8:34pm
When I wrote "CARING," I was referring to the 2 types of care by adults being discussed - childcare and school.

If there were ever a teacher or dc provider who loved a child, I think we can all agree that that love should be unconditional...not romantic love, sexual love, or conditional love or any other type out there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 04-03-2004 - 8:45pm
I've come in here late and haven't read many of the posts in this monster but there has to be a reason why she doesn't feel safe using dc. Not wanting to using dc doesn't mean she's trivializing anything and she may very well have a *clue* that she's just not willing to share either right now or on this forum. I didn't share my *clue* at first.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Sat, 04-03-2004 - 8:47pm
You: "I have asked you this before and you have not answered. You seem to have quite a bit of knowledge on what occurs and doesn't in a child care setting. How is this? Are you assuming? Is it hearsay? Is it fact?" Like almost everything that everybody writes here, mine are opinions. And, yes, I do have as you noted "quite a bit of knowledge on what occurs and doesn't in a child care setting" because of the SAH/WOH boards, my understanding of human nature (I am 36), discussions with my WOH friends, newspapers, magazines, tv. I think the childcare relationship is not so complex that a SAHM can't grasp it.
Avatar for kerry88
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Sat, 04-03-2004 - 11:40pm
My experience w/ daycare:

Found out we were pregnant (very planned) last April. In May, I started to interview DCP in both centers and home cares.

I visited about 15-20 centers and at least 5 highly recommended home cares. Cost was VERY prohibitive (over $220/week for each place visited), but I figured it was VERY worth it to get my son into someplace good for him - a place I felt okay leaving him for 40 hours a week.

After numerous questions, interviews, visits, etc. I chose a provider who had been recommended by a friend. I took Ben there for his first day when I went back to work (he was 3 months old). Since I am breastfeeding exclusively for the first year of his life, I left EBM in bottles, and specific instructions. I did NOT want him to be allowed to CIO because that is not what he's used to. She agreed. I wanted to breastfeed him when I dropped him off - she said NO. I wanted to say goodbye to my son before I left (i.e. when he woke up) - she said NO. I was upset, but left for the day.

Went back at lunch (worked 1/2 day) and all of the kids there were watching a movie on TV (not something I want my baby getting used to), and oh, there were *9* kids there with ONE person watching (when she had told me she had 5 total and she was only licensed for 6). She told me she had let him "cry in his car seat until he fell asleep, 15 or 20 minutes) because "picking him up when he cries is bad for him".

You know, after interviewing ALL of the people I did, this was the place I felt most comfortable sending my son, yet it was horrible (in my opinion), against state regulations, and was not the way I want him treated all day.

DH and I decided that since 40+ of my son's waking hours were to be spent at daycare, we would have little control over how he was treated. This daycare had been the only one to tell me they would do what I wanted in reference to CIO, etc., yet it was a lie. How could I guarantee that it wouldn't happen again?

Since DH works for the state educational system and has 8 years in (10 makes him 100% vested in his pension) and since I'm breastfeeding our son, we decided I would stay at home (DH was prepared to be the SAHP). I wanted to work PT, but we decided to opt for me to SAH right now and I'll work when we need extra cash (won't happen for a while since we budget well).

I honestly believe that MY son, in MY case would not have been treated as well as I can treat him during the day. He is a super happy kid - always smiling and pretty much never cries (even when I put him down). He knows that if he's upset, I'm there to help him.

Do I need to justify my decision to anyone? Nope. Do I think it's right for everyone? Nope. I just really believe that unless you have an at home nanny (which didn't make sense for us) and a nanny cam, you don't know exactly what kind of care your infant is getting.

I know most people on this board have older children, but my infant can't yet speak for himself, so I want to be around most, if not all, of his waking hours, to make sure that he's okay. Call me overprotective, but I've been burned and my son is worth everything in the world to me. Money, status, material goods, trips, etc. aren't at all what is important to me if my family isn't happy.

So. . . in a very long winded post (sorry!) I want to agree - day care is a crap shoot. You may think you're getting one thing but you never know what goes on behind closed doors - and I can guarantee that my son will not be abused or mistreated with me.

Edited to add: EVERY day care I went to mentioned that "there are always biters" - do I want my son to be in an environment where I KNOW he's going to get hurt? Yikes! It was one thing that made me really uneasy.


Edited 4/4/2004 12:43 am ET ET by kerry88

Kerry with Campbell Elizabeth 11.03.06 and Benjamin Brady 12.10.03
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 12:12am
Biters were the least of my worries.

DD was beaten by another kid at a home daycare.

Ds fell down the stairs because a provider failed to put up the gate when she had to take a dump.

I showed up early at a provider's house to find my then 10 y/o ds watching twins in a playpen while the provider was next door at her mom's having coffee.

Ds was allowed to knee skate (something I would not have allowed) and he needed stitches.

Dd has a 3 inch pipe burn on her leg because a sitter allowed her to hop on her bil's harley while she was wearing shorts.

Just a bunch of things I would never have allowed my children to have been exposed to had they been in my care. Not to mention that our older kids have told us they hated daycare and all the structure and rules.

Now that I sah none of the above will ever happen to my children again.

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