Sneaking purchases...
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| Thu, 03-25-2004 - 11:10am |
I was reading another board about sneaking purchases past their husband's. I know I use to sneak before we started doing our finances together. I would actually come home during lunch to get the mail or unload packages. I was pitiful. Even now, I will bring things in the house and wince thinking how upset Devin would be with me.
So, have you ever hid purchases or not told your DH the whole picture of your finances? We use to horrible fights about finances. I would do the weekly budget and e-mail him it. We would discuss it and everything was fine. Then, he would tell me two days later that he was doing a marathon that cost $75.00. I had to actually ask him before we did the budget-Do you have any marathons? Do you need shoes? Do you have any equipment you need? Can you tell I

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In addition, she chose someone highly recommended to her. That friend was very much deceived - over the course of time - too.
Further, thankfully, Kerry surprised the provider by appearing at midday. What more do you expect a WOHP to do? Kerry researched, asked around and thankfully surprised the provider.
Adding them up, there were 10 families in this one instance who were deceived by this licensed provider. Obviously, it is quite possible this is not an unusual occurrence. Your post smacks of blaming the victims - Kerry and her dear boy.
BTW, you're able to afford an in-home nanny. I have a wealthy sibling who went thru 2 expensive au pairs and an expensive 55 yr-old surprisingly alcoholic, but very involved, nanny before his wife, like Kerry, decided to stay home and quit her well-paying job. You're not telling Kerry that she is at fault - and even alone - in selecting a provider who was quite adept at deceiving, are you? That's what I get from your post.
Even if I were a childless adult (dare I recall those lovely days for a moment?), I would still - at the age of 36 - comprehend most of the dc experience. Geez, it's not brain surgery! At 36, yes, I know a lot about human nature and how adults behave.
I never claimed to be in the minds of WOHPs. What I do know is that when you pay someone to care for your child, whether at school or at dc, they do not all love our children. They are doing their jobs, hopefully well. Think a dc provider "loves" a babe? Try dropping him off full-time after telling him/her you're no longer paying and you'll see that love dry up quickly. I'm not attacking anybody. I'm just saying, dc may be an acceptable, suitable alternative to SAH, but please don't tell me to believe other adults love the children in their charge.
My nanny loves my children but she also needs to live & survive. She actually did care for a child at no charge at one point because the mother fell on hard times...she ended up taking the child in & raising her for some time.
If god forbid, something happened to me and I had no family on this earth, my Nanny would move heaven & earth before allowing my kids to be taken to foster care (if she could)...I believe that 100%. I have seen her, many times, have a lot more patience with my toddler (maybe because she's not sleep deprived!) With my infant, I have no problems letting him cry a few minutes to wind down and sleep and even though I have told her that its OK for her to do that she refuses...she can't bear to hear him cry. When they are sick, she calls like 10 times on the weekend to find out how they are doing. She is not *required* to do that!
I have learned so many things from her and I believe my children benefit from her experience. I was a total novice and she taught me many things about infant care.
You have had a DC provider in this thread tell you she loves her kids. Are you saying she is a liar?
I see my nanny on a daily basis...my MIL watched her take care of my kids for an entire year (she was living with us). Yes, as many have stated on this thread, a DCP *can* love her kids and MANY MANY of them do.I will not live my life in fear. I will not believe that there is only ugliness in this world. I will choose to believe that good people still exist and that they are the MAJORITY of DCP's.
I had a Nana growing up and all I remember were the wonderful things she taught us and her warm & loving presence.
I'm sorry that you feel that all the DCPs out there are heartless, money grubbing people who could never truly love their charges. Thank God I *know* different!
Why is it ridiculous? The WOHP has both the experience of how his/her children are in dc and how they are handled AND what it's like to care for a group of children. WOHPs have to deal with exactly the same sort of stuff a SAHP does 2 out of 7 days per week, not to mention vacations etc. In addition, there are many many WOHPs who did not go back to work until their children were toddlers or school age....I strongly suspect that they have a far clearer understanding of dc vs. SAH than a SAHP who has never had any personal experiences with dc.
"Even if I were a childless adult (dare I recall those lovely days for a moment?), I would still - at the age of 36 - comprehend most of the dc experience."
Really? Very impressive, I have to say. I don't think I would have had a very detailed understanding of anything to do with kids if I hadn't had some of my own. I found the differences between theory and reality to be quite dramatic...maybe I am just lacking in imaginative ability.
"Think a dc provider "loves" a babe? Try dropping him off full-time after telling him/her you're no longer paying and you'll see that love dry up quickly. I'm not attacking anybody. I'm just saying, dc may be an acceptable, suitable alternative to SAH, but please don't tell me to believe other adults love the children in their charge. "
You are mixing up two very different things: love and money. For example, I know absolutely that my sister loves my children unconditionally. I know that if we lived close to each other she would more than happily watch my kids for me, even act as their dcp. But I also know that she would very sensibly insist on some kind of payment for this because however much she loves those kids, there is work involved and both she and I would absolutely agree that that work should be paid for. If I suddenly refused to pay for her caring for my kids, though I could still well afford to do so, she would most likely refuse to watch them on a regular basis any more...and I would completely agree with her reasoning. She is not a doormat, and I like that about her. If I were in a crisis and needed the help with the kids, but couldn't afford to pay she would help me out because she loves me and loves my kids and would do what she could to help out in a crisis. My parents love my children unconditionally as well, but there is no way they would take care of them for more than a few hours on occasion...I completely understand this: they are getting older and simply don't have the energy anymore.
Fwiw, dd's dcps don't actually even have a clue whether I have paid in any particular month or not. They get paid their salary from the local county and that salary gets paid regardless of whether the parents are paying up, defaulting for a few months or what-have-you. The county deals with and knows about who is paying or not and how. I've never tried it, but I have heard that people who don't pay for several months do not have their children suddenly ripped out of the dc, the situation is handled between the county and the parents.
Laura
eileen
YUCK. what a complete and total misread.
eileen
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um, okay, whatever. BUT, i think you must be reading a different board. OR maybe when a sahm goes on and on and on about "all those 40 hours" that she spends with her kids vs. wohms -- of course, THAT couldn't be trying to get someone to "affirm their choice" for them, now could it?
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IRONIC. EXACTly how i feel about WOH (here AND IRL). when i do give examples, it is in response to questions and is meant to be discourse or debate.
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LOL. mine ARE okay. actually, they are MORE than okay.
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funny. most ALL parents i know (many, many woh) live on a budget. WHY is it that i need to live on a "tight" budget if i like the budget that we have?
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then you're reading into things that aren't there. kind of like how Msahms say they are "so confident" with their choices, but their words show no joy, fun or warmth? got it.
eileen
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