Sneaking purchases...
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| Thu, 03-25-2004 - 11:10am |
I was reading another board about sneaking purchases past their husband's. I know I use to sneak before we started doing our finances together. I would actually come home during lunch to get the mail or unload packages. I was pitiful. Even now, I will bring things in the house and wince thinking how upset Devin would be with me.
So, have you ever hid purchases or not told your DH the whole picture of your finances? We use to horrible fights about finances. I would do the weekly budget and e-mail him it. We would discuss it and everything was fine. Then, he would tell me two days later that he was doing a marathon that cost $75.00. I had to actually ask him before we did the budget-Do you have any marathons? Do you need shoes? Do you have any equipment you need? Can you tell I

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"But it's definitely not the norm."
How would you know?
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This'll shock you - I think your children are probably best overall with you AH.
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You have no experience as a child car provider.
You have no experience using child care.
So how on earth would you know what the norm was or not?
PumpkinAngel
No one said that a provider loves the child the same way the parent loves the child. What people have said is that many providers believe that a provider can have a long-term, loving bond with the child, a quite healthy attachment that meets the needs of the growing child and SUPPLEMENTS (but does not substitute for) parental love and care.
I've got a friends with nine kids -- the youngest is about tfour, and the three older ones are in college (one has actually graduated). The babies are very nicely bonded to the older siblings, who provided a LOT of care for the little ones while they were at home. They love each other. The babies miss the older ones as they move away from home, but the bond continues to enrich all their lives. I have a sister myself who is 16 years younger than me -- we had more of a quasi-parental bond than a "regular" sibling bond. But the bond is real and long-lasting. That's more the kind of bond my kids have with their providers -- not quite the same as family, but real, potent, meaningful, enriching, and loving all the same.
You are correct, it is not brain surgery, but I don't know why you decided to compare the two. It is a very difficult profession that requires a certain type of individual. Not everyone is qualified to be a childcare professional, and even some who are technically qualified just aren't cut out for the field. You seem to be under the impression it is easy work that any idiot can do. I assure you, that is not true.
Funny, my fiance is a day care teacher, and he DOES love all the children in his class. I remember when he first told me that, I asked him "Really? You *love* all of them? Even (for instance) the troublemakers, the complainers, the ones who hit the teachers, etc.?" He assured me he did. He does not always love their behavior, but he recognizes that each child is an individual with her or her own way of expressing oneself, and he loves each one for his or her uniqueness.
Funny, we often see my fiance's former "kids", now in elementary school, around town. He loves getting high-fives and hugs from the kids, and learning about what they are doing in school, what interests they have developed, and generally how life is treating them. His interest in them and their well-being did not cease when the child's enrollment in his center did.
To start, I can honestly say that I don't know your children and do not know how their time away from you affects them. For my children, the effects would be and are obvious, and that is the experience I can speak from, and I'm quite certain that you probably arent' interested in my experience, as you will certainly spout how it doesn't apply to you. What I do know is that ANYONE who thinks 40 hrs a week away from BOTH parents DOES NOT affect the children, is not facing facts.
And your second statement about it being true for all parents and children? Yes, I believe this is true for any child who spends 40 hours a week away from one or both parents. As I said before, my dh does a phenomenal job with the time he has. Does he and I wish he had more time? Absolutely. Would it have a positive effect on our children? Without a doubt. Is it feasible to have a no-income family? No? Is it feasible to have a one income family? You better believe it. Millions of families do it every day. And most of us do it b/c we believe in the tremendous value of those extra 40 hours we get with them if we SAH b4 the are in school. They are away from us enough once Kindergarten starts. Why start it any earlier than that?
I betcha the pediatrician who left her dd with a dcp who they had known and used and was licensed for 13 yrs thought she was using optimal dc too...that is until the dcp overdosed her infant on diphenhydramine (to help her "sleep" better thru a cold she didn't have) and the baby died. I'm sure none of you thnk your child is in danger, otherwise what kind of parent would you have to admit to being? I'm sure you all think you can trust your dcp like family...oh, but wait... family is most likely to abuse...didn't I see that here? Is a risk like that worth taking when you don't have to? (Yes, I know some do, and we hope for the best...) But if you don't HAVE to...some of you talk about needing to keep your "foot in the door" more than you need the paycheck right now....It comes down to this for me: I KNOW without a doubt that my children are completely safe from any form of abuse when they are in my care...no one can say that when the kids are not in your care...that is not a risk worth taking, IMO.
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