Sneaking purchases...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sneaking purchases...
1291
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 11:10am

I was reading another board about sneaking purchases past their husband's. I know I use to sneak before we started doing our finances together. I would actually come home during lunch to get the mail or unload packages. I was pitiful. Even now, I will bring things in the house and wince thinking how upset Devin would be with me.


So, have you ever hid purchases or not told your DH the whole picture of your finances? We use to horrible fights about finances. I would do the weekly budget and e-mail him it. We would discuss it and everything was fine. Then, he would tell me two days later that he was doing a marathon that cost $75.00. I had to actually ask him before we did the budget-Do you have any marathons? Do you need shoes? Do you have any equipment you need? Can you tell I

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 9:36am

My children will do just fine with "caring and concern and giving."


Edited to add:

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 9:36am
there's so much wrong with this that i have neither the time NOR the patience right now to even wade into this mucky quagmire.

suffice it to say that you are WAY, WAY off-base.

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 9:45am
OMG! do you realize that we, FINALLY, agree on something?

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you bet! and my kids are with me for 128 HOURS per week on the 40 weeks per year that i work AND they're with me sah during the 12 WEEKS per year that i don't work. and, of course, i'm responsible for their health, social, emotional, educational and spiritual/religious needs until they are 18-22.

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THANK YOU. I have always KNOWN that "I" am the one raising them, "I" am the one doing the vast majority of the "teaching".

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Actually, others can do a fantastic job IN ADDITION to all that we have provided. Do you really believe that there are NO other parents out there who can parent as well as you? LOL.

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Neither have we. We've had wonderfully positive, fun experiences for our kids in dc AND all of those have been IN ADDITION to having fantastic parents. Amazing how that works, isn't it?

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I'm so glad we agree. My kids have US (you know the "better" option ) for the vast majority of the day, week, month and year for years and years and years.

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 9:47am
You: "So how would you feel if someone told you that you couldn't possibly love your child because you do all the grunt work while DH goes off to work so you are so jealous of him that you can't seperate and direct your feelings? Possibly you are not jealous of him at all?" Me: You'd be hard-pressed to find SAHMs "jealous" of DHs. It's a completely different ballgame when we're talking caregivers who are family of the children.

You: "My dcps both expressed how miserable they would be going off to work for someone else every day and how much the loved the freedom, control and lack of office politics/drudgery their jobs provided." Me: I am sure there are just as many office politic issues and dis/satisfaction with work conditions in the dc centers as in any other job. That's actually a big part of my argument. And with the nanny who works at one's home, there may be no office politics, but there certainly is the drudgery issue and you absolutely have to factor in even moreso the possibility of envy. How could that not be a factor at all?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 9:50am
"In fact, you're imbuing them with a superhuman ability to put aside everything going on in their lives, going on in the centers/homes, going on in the world and love other people's children. "

Again, I just can't get this. I am perfectly capable of loving other people's children in spite of everything else going on in my life. I love all of my nieces and nephews dearly. I love the children of several friends of mine. I have problems of my own, children of my own and yet I still could list several children outside of my immediate family that I love and would walk the extra hundred (thousand or more) miles for. How does this require "superhuman" ability? If I am capable of deeply loving children who I don't see on a daily basis, why should it be so much harder for others to love children who are in their daily care? Are you saying that the more time one spends with a child the less likely one is to be capable of loving them? If all the chores involved in taking care of small children are likely to cause a person to feel less love, how then to explain the love of an at home parent who has to deal with those chores 24/7? I don't think that all dcp will love all children. I certainly don't love the children of all of my friends. But saying that the act of loving someone requires superhuman effort seems to me to ignore a basic part of human nature: we are designed to love, to fall in love, to feel love....sometimes without basis and unrealistically, sometimes very inconveniently but all too often far too easily.


laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 10:01am

This just goes to show you get in trouble when you overgeneralize.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 10:02am
Also, she's acting like moms have absolutely nothing else going on in their lives other than their children. How about ill elderly parents?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 10:18am

How come you get to decide who feels what?

SUS

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 10:20am

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SUS

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 10:30am

IMO its always about a cost/benefit (risk/benefit) analysis.


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Yes. And in my case, and that of many WOHMs here, the benefits to be gained by WOHM and our children attending othercare outweighs the risks/costs associated with it.

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

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