Sneaking purchases...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sneaking purchases...
1291
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 11:10am

I was reading another board about sneaking purchases past their husband's. I know I use to sneak before we started doing our finances together. I would actually come home during lunch to get the mail or unload packages. I was pitiful. Even now, I will bring things in the house and wince thinking how upset Devin would be with me.


So, have you ever hid purchases or not told your DH the whole picture of your finances? We use to horrible fights about finances. I would do the weekly budget and e-mail him it. We would discuss it and everything was fine. Then, he would tell me two days later that he was doing a marathon that cost $75.00. I had to actually ask him before we did the budget-Do you have any marathons? Do you need shoes? Do you have any equipment you need? Can you tell I

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 2:04pm

You should start a circus act with all that backpedaling.


<<I never claimed to know better the internal workings of the dcp's mind than would the WOHM>>


Not exactly, but you did claim to have more knowledge of daycare than WOHMs. Here's the quote ... <>


That right there states that you think, as a SAHM, that you have a better understanding of dc than a WOHM. How is that possible? If you have never worked as a dcp, nor used a dcp, how can you understand it better than a WOHM who has used dcp? Who on a daily basis has direct interaction with dcps?

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2001
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 2:07pm

Dang I hit post before tackling your "free care" argument.

 

Linda - wife, mother, grandmum                     &nb

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 2:08pm

Once again, i think you have a very narrow definition of love.


<<In my world, as small as it may be, you either love someone unconditionally or you don't.>>


Bullcrap. My love for my xh was, obviously, conditional. I loved him on the condition that he didn't treat me and our children like crap and screw another woman. Oh, but since there were conditions involved, I guess I never loved him in the first place (at least, according to your theories).


Love is a very complicated emotion. You can't put it in a box and define it in narrow parameters.
And requiring love to be unconditional or to not exist at all is just silly.


I'd have missed out on a lot of love in my life if it was all required to be conditional. I'm glad I don't take that view, because its been great receiving all that conditional love.

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 2:09pm
Yes it is okay. But because its not something you desire doesnt' mean it can't happen.

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 2:12pm

I agree. The *ultimate* situation would be for children to be surrounded by *capable* and *loving* providers, be they family or not.


But, if its not gonna be both, i'll take capable over loving for othercare situations.

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 2:15pm
<> Ditto. I feel exactly the same about your posts.

<> I never said that just because you were a SAHM that your vision was myopic. I don't think being a SAHM has anything to do with your shortsightedness.

<> And perhaps you should take your own advice.

<> No, we're not threatened. We're debating. Big difference. I'm not threatened by opinions of people who have no clue about my life.

<> I do too. I have respect for all decent people whether they be SAHPs or WOHPs or any variation thereof.

Funny though, I find it interesting that you're responding to me about a response I made to funsahm. Are you perhaps one and the same person? The way your post is worded, it's very confusing.




Edited 4/6/2004 2:17 pm ET ET by laurenmom2boys

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 2:19pm

"you either love someone unconditionally or you don't."


Do you love your husband unconditionally? If he beat you and cheated on you would you still love him?


Do you love your mother unconditionally? If she hated your children would you still love her?


If unconditional love the only love that is worth anything, can you TRULY say that you love every family member (sister, brother, father) with NO CONDITIONS at all?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 3:45pm
Do you really find this to be true: "Any old way you can possibly spend your day as an adult is going to involve some kind of drudgery." I've found daily life does not have to involve an ounce of drudge work. If you're finding the opposite, then there's something to be said for your exploring other options and making sure there's not a moment of that, and certainly it shouldn't be all-consuming as you're hinting. Something to think about and I appreciate your giving some advice, but I think it doesn't apply to me.

Is it possible that those in dc find changing the dirty diapers, toilet training accidents, vomited-upon clothes of babes not their own to be drudge work? Absolutely. There's a huge abyss of difference.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 3:51pm
There's a huge difference between diaper duty 3 hours a Sunday in a volunteer capacity and diaper duty (plus potty training-diaper duty) 9-5, m-f, 12 mos a yr, wouldn't you agree?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 4:13pm
I said Funsahm and I were in an "excellent" position because we SAH everyday. I have a gaggle of babes home with me, just like dcps though they have more. WOHMs are not in a BETTER position than I to read the minds of dcps. I'd say we're equal. WOHMs are not there during the day. And sometimes dcps are not entirely forthcoming in what they say. It's a fun topic for debate - whether dcps are just so altruistic as WOHMs allege and what are they really thinking?

You: "But you know what's in their heads? How is that?" Me: The WOHMs make this wild accusation - based on their observations and based on what the dcps actually say - that most dcps LOVE their charges. It's nice that in this type of open forum, I'm equally permitted to hypothesize.

Few dcps have responded here, so I guess we're all mostly speaking in hypotheticals anyway. But, I do like the post of It's Me Again, a former childcare provider, who described that dcps will actually love only "a few" of the children in their care. Her words may be much more reliable than anything we Sahms or Wohms could say, don't you agree?

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