so sick of hearing....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
so sick of hearing....
1991
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 1:34pm
hello everyone!! i just read the cnn article on how burnt out and guilty the working mom is...and how hard it is to incorparate "quality" time...and all i can say is WILL YOU COME OFF IT PLEASE!! i work-40 hours a week; sometimes 6 days a week to get all my hours...and i have 2 children-7 and 3...and you know what-every day during the school year, i walk my dd to school...i volunteer at my dds school-in her classroom and on field trips-i have the last 2 years and plan to do more of the same this coming year...i keep the house clean-do the dishes and laundry, go grocery shopping, etc. and you know what-neither of my kids feel slighted. we just took a week long vacation where we went to an amusement park and then to visit my sil for a few days...they have a lil shallow pool-and i go "swimming" with them often-usually before i go off to the adult world of work...we go on shopping trips with my mom and visit a cousin who has a huge pool and the adults play cards outside on the deck when the kids swim...we play games, we take walks, we go to parks...it just boggles my mind. yes i get tired-and yes there are days i wish i didnt have to go in to work...but then theres days that i cant wait until i go in-some women are meant to stay at home and theyre happy doing it...and some women are meant to work outside the home-i need that adult stimulation-i need my friends and my friends are all behind that deli counter with me...again i dont feel my kids are slighted in the least-my own mom was a stay at homer and she didnt volunteer at school and we never took the kinds of trips and outings my kids are lucky enough to have on a regular basis...i dont feel guilty when im at work-i dont think being a working mom hurts my kids...im getting sick and tired of hearing how unhappy working moms are, or how guilty i should feel cuz im not with my kids 24/7...maybe im the exception...or maybe the media focuses too much on the exceptions and a lot of working mommies feel like me...??? take care!!
joanne
maman2goons@yahoo.com

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2007
Tue, 08-07-2007 - 11:08pm
I dont think that you are the exception. I am a working mom of 2 girls ages 3 and 8. I feel like you do as well. I dont feel guilty for working and I still get plenty of time with my kids. I volunteer in class and also go on field trips. I also like my job. I do get a lot of vacation, 25 days a year. maybe that is the difference that the working moms that are unhappy dont get much time away from the office. I would be curious to know how many vacation days happy working moms have vs how many vacation days unhappy working moms have..
Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 9:29am
I agree -- the point I always try to make I think is that MOST of us have a pretty good balance to their lives. I get 15 vacation days plus the week between Christmas and New years plus all major holidays for a total of well over 30 paid days off a year. plus I can work at home when I need to and come and go pretty flexibly. I'ev never felt guilty for working I LOVE what I do .

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 12:17pm

On the flip side - when I sah I go sick of hearing how I must be going crazy and what a waste my life was.

There are ignorant people on both sides and I generally ignore them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2007
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 11:23am
I agree! This is my first child & I know I'm gonna have to still be working to care for my son the way I'd like to. I feel that a child can have just as a wonderful childhood with a working mom (as long as your "involved" with your child & his activities). I think working moms should get more praise...it takes alot more "grit" to be away from your children to work & make a living...then it does to stay home with them. I want my son to have all of the very best...that's why I must work. On top of that, I love my job & I have great benefits. I want to hold onto my job...jobs like mine are hard to find. So I feel the same about what you had to say. Right on girl!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2004
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 5:12pm
By the very best do you mean 'material things'? What is more important: material stuff or values and learning that comes from parents rather than a secondary provider. I am not knocking working mothers, but to say you work because you want him/her to have the best is, in my idea, the wrong viewpoint. This should not be the focus of why one chooses to work or not. Not everyone is made to WOH or SAH, but the decision should be based on what is best for the child not what you can buy for the child.
Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 10:03pm
Well I work many hours a week (when I'm not pregnant -- I've cut back to 45 or so at the moment). And I can say that I have felt guilty when I'm on extended travel (more than one night away) or when I have back to back really really long days and only really see my kids a few hours. But that doesnt happen often. But I still sometimes feel guilt. HOWEVER -- and this is the part that gets me that I think the media takes a very one sided view one -- I feel guilt about other things too that are totally not related to WOH/SAH. And all my SAH friends do too. I think many, if not most, parents feel guilty from time to time about our choices. Its human nature.
I've felt guilty about a time out I gave one of my kids -- even though I knew they deserved it and needed it. I've felt guilty about them getting a 'owey' at the park on my watch.
Its normal. The media just likes to hype the stereotypes and....suprise suprise...play on working parents guilt:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-10-2007 - 9:46am

Sometimes what's best for the child are things and experiences your income can provide:

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Fri, 08-10-2007 - 10:07am
Why is it an "either/or"? Why can't kids pick up learning and values from other care? Working to provide things for your kids doesn't mean they're missing out in any way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2004
Fri, 08-10-2007 - 1:26pm
The things that money buys are not the things that build eternal value and are not where I want my kids to put their faith in. Yes, I like to do things, yes my child goes to music lessons, I go to the gym, and I get a spa day every now and then, but we try to be conservative in our spending. I want them to enjoy the simple things in life like sitting outside and enjoying the weather, taking walks, spending time with family, I don't want them raised to expect great things that are bought for them. I was brought up in a family where we got everything we wanted, but my parents were gone all the time to do so. No disrepect to my parents because they were self-made and wanted better for us than their family had, but I would rather have lazy days around the kitchen table playing cards than fancy cars or trips across the country.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-10-2007 - 3:00pm

"The things that money buys are not the things that build eternal value and are not where I want my kids to put their faith in."

Really? Money buys me food to eat, a house to live, clothes to wear, a car for transportation...

Today I bought my son glasses. Otherwise, he can't see the board at school. Bad Mommy, buying her son material things.

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