so sick of hearing....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
so sick of hearing....
1991
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 1:34pm
hello everyone!! i just read the cnn article on how burnt out and guilty the working mom is...and how hard it is to incorparate "quality" time...and all i can say is WILL YOU COME OFF IT PLEASE!! i work-40 hours a week; sometimes 6 days a week to get all my hours...and i have 2 children-7 and 3...and you know what-every day during the school year, i walk my dd to school...i volunteer at my dds school-in her classroom and on field trips-i have the last 2 years and plan to do more of the same this coming year...i keep the house clean-do the dishes and laundry, go grocery shopping, etc. and you know what-neither of my kids feel slighted. we just took a week long vacation where we went to an amusement park and then to visit my sil for a few days...they have a lil shallow pool-and i go "swimming" with them often-usually before i go off to the adult world of work...we go on shopping trips with my mom and visit a cousin who has a huge pool and the adults play cards outside on the deck when the kids swim...we play games, we take walks, we go to parks...it just boggles my mind. yes i get tired-and yes there are days i wish i didnt have to go in to work...but then theres days that i cant wait until i go in-some women are meant to stay at home and theyre happy doing it...and some women are meant to work outside the home-i need that adult stimulation-i need my friends and my friends are all behind that deli counter with me...again i dont feel my kids are slighted in the least-my own mom was a stay at homer and she didnt volunteer at school and we never took the kinds of trips and outings my kids are lucky enough to have on a regular basis...i dont feel guilty when im at work-i dont think being a working mom hurts my kids...im getting sick and tired of hearing how unhappy working moms are, or how guilty i should feel cuz im not with my kids 24/7...maybe im the exception...or maybe the media focuses too much on the exceptions and a lot of working mommies feel like me...??? take care!!
joanne
maman2goons@yahoo.com

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 7:45am
Much of the reason that divorces increased was because of changes in laws. A divorce was very hard to get in the 50's. Who do you think were the ones pushing for those changes, people that either lived though horrible marriages they could not get out or the children living in those marriages. Just because people dovorced less it doe not mean that families were happier.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 7:48am

Yes, those are the days we should all aspire to recreate. There are much better drugs today, lol. We could really improve on the theme, lol.

I think I'll have a cup of coffee and go to work instead.

You know, when you think about it, homemakers were displaced by the 1950's. Modern conveniences like grocery stores, refrigerators, running water, etc, etc, etc...took a lot of work out of running a home. It's no wonder women were bored to the point they were depressed. Back in the days of living on the farm, mom could feel good about what she did because she was contributing to the household. What does a housewife do? Not much to contribute.

Let's face it, the cleaning never ends and it's pretty much unappreciated just expected to be done. It doesn't add to the bottom line or even make life better. Just a bunch of chores that need to be done to live. Then what? Play dates with sally? The coffee clutch where you can all sit around and whine about your depressing lives?

I remember my great aunt on the farm being just as vital to the running of that farm as my great uncle. They worked together. They were a team. They relied on each other. Today the housewife does the relying on someone else but her dh could replace what she does easily enough with minimum wage labor. That would depress me too. Pass the prescription pad when you're through with it. Never mind, I'll just take two cups of coffee and go off to my job where I actually accomplish something and get a paycheck that improves my families lives and my dh has come to rely on to boot. Works for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 7:49am

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I have to disagree here. I divorced my dh BECAUSE I put my children first (or at least right up there with myself!). No, he wasn't mean or abusive. However, he didn't show me respect, would talk down to me, was never "there" for the kids, etc. I KNOW that i did the right thing because now he has stepped up to be the DAD that he should have been when we were married. He is "there" for the kids -- and THEY see the difference.

Also, what our marriage was modeling for them is NOT what I wanted them to see as what marriage should be. Now with my new dh and I they get to see what a solid, healthy, loving marriage looks like.

I stayed together for the kids for about 6 years before the divorce (we were married almost 15 years total) -- it sucked, BIG time. I was so unhappy. I lost ME in the process and realized (when I woke up on my 40th birthday) that "I, too" deserve to be happy.

Carole

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 7:55am

Now seriously...do you honestly believe that, as a general rule, staying together "for the kids" is really doing those kids any favors?

Just as with many other issues that weren't commonly heard of decades ago, I believe the the main difference is that the stigmas surrounding those issues have begun to fall away, making it easier to change bad situations rather than letting them rule our lives. How can that be interpreted as anything but a change for the better?


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 8:07am

great point..half of marriages didn't end in divorce then......imo,divorce is a convenience for lots of couples. as are other modern day fixes. go figure.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2007
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 8:13am

Perhaps *you* feel more entitled.

Yeah well, that's just, ya know, like, your opinion, man-The Big Lebowski 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2007
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 8:17am
And all that polyester!

Yeah well, that's just, ya know, like, your opinion, man-The Big Lebowski 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 8:34am
Do you think just because there were fewer divorces families were any happpier?
Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 8:34am

Liza and Kelly and I are off to the water park for the day so I shan't be round but I just wanted to say that if you really think divorce is a convenience then I wish with all my heart for you that your life remain inconvenient for ever. Divorce rips your heart and your life and your world in two and to think I entered into that process lightly or for convenience is in comprehensible. I could have stayed with a man who verbally and emotionally abused me, I could have stayed with a man who humiliated me in public in front of friends and family, I could have stayed trapped ina place that was wrong and stuffing all that I knew I was . But I chose the 'convenient' route and started all over again from scratch, shed oceans of tears , swung across that abyss and climbedo ut on the other side.

and because of that I get to take my happy sunny kid and my fabulous girlfriend to a water park today and enjoy what a real family outing is supposed to feel like--so yes I guess that is much more convenient for me.

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2007
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 8:40am

We have the same policy.

Yeah well, that's just, ya know, like, your opinion, man-The Big Lebowski 

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