so sick of hearing....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
so sick of hearing....
1991
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 1:34pm
hello everyone!! i just read the cnn article on how burnt out and guilty the working mom is...and how hard it is to incorparate "quality" time...and all i can say is WILL YOU COME OFF IT PLEASE!! i work-40 hours a week; sometimes 6 days a week to get all my hours...and i have 2 children-7 and 3...and you know what-every day during the school year, i walk my dd to school...i volunteer at my dds school-in her classroom and on field trips-i have the last 2 years and plan to do more of the same this coming year...i keep the house clean-do the dishes and laundry, go grocery shopping, etc. and you know what-neither of my kids feel slighted. we just took a week long vacation where we went to an amusement park and then to visit my sil for a few days...they have a lil shallow pool-and i go "swimming" with them often-usually before i go off to the adult world of work...we go on shopping trips with my mom and visit a cousin who has a huge pool and the adults play cards outside on the deck when the kids swim...we play games, we take walks, we go to parks...it just boggles my mind. yes i get tired-and yes there are days i wish i didnt have to go in to work...but then theres days that i cant wait until i go in-some women are meant to stay at home and theyre happy doing it...and some women are meant to work outside the home-i need that adult stimulation-i need my friends and my friends are all behind that deli counter with me...again i dont feel my kids are slighted in the least-my own mom was a stay at homer and she didnt volunteer at school and we never took the kinds of trips and outings my kids are lucky enough to have on a regular basis...i dont feel guilty when im at work-i dont think being a working mom hurts my kids...im getting sick and tired of hearing how unhappy working moms are, or how guilty i should feel cuz im not with my kids 24/7...maybe im the exception...or maybe the media focuses too much on the exceptions and a lot of working mommies feel like me...??? take care!!
joanne
maman2goons@yahoo.com

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2007
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 6:37am
That's not very much time in dc. You made it sound a lot more substantial earlier when you said something like you were *a sahm with a child in daycare.*
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2007
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 6:39am

Good. Do you think most working mothers agree that they have it all too?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2007
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 6:50am
Good response!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2007
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 6:53am

Were you ever a sahm to Dylan? I honestly can't imagine a more unfavorable set-up for preschoolers than a full-time wahp or two. WAH and caring for a child is a recipe for disaster IMO. Daycare would be much better for the child.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2007
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 7:05am

I've been a sahm for 8 yrs and I agree if it were just a question of a few extras most women would jump at the chance to stay home for a few years. I think most dual wohps are working for the necessities, which to me include *setting aside enough money for college for every single child in the family*, health insurance, money for retirement, etc. And ~ from this board ~ it seems like while the second salary is needed for the necessities too, it also allows for money left over to enjoy life.

Also, sah for a few years often means a huge hit in one's hard-earned career path (unless you're young and can pretend the 5 years of unemployment was for college or a license or something!) and then a delay or even a forfeiting of retirement plans.

I agree with you that having a parent home is best for the child, but that's usually not financially feasible these days.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 7:14am
I thought about you (and me!LOL) when I read her post!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 7:32am

I think it's all part & parcel together. Hours get quoted when msahms seem to think that a "week" is M-F and that wohms don't spend enough "time" with their children. Their stance does not take into account the very real work of PARENTING that goes far beyond Mon-Fri -- evenings, weekends, holidays, vacations.

And the bottom line -- whether growing up in a sah or woh household -- given GOOD parents, the kids will grow up pretty much the same.

Carole

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 7:34am

thank you. that sounds about right. No matter how you slice it, dc kids spend MORE time at home with family than at dc.

carole

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2007
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 7:53am
That wasn't my point at all. I think men need a job to be happy. They need work and structure and purpose. I have known many sahds over the years and they would be better off with paying jobs. Women can better handle the lack of structure SAH.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 7:55am

i can't speak for most wohms. First, generally, if you're doing something that you want to or enjoy doing, then it's easy to feel like you've got it "all".

I "have it all" because, as a teacher, I have a fabulous schedule that allows for lots and lots of downtime with family (181 or so days at home per year).

Sister "has it all" because she was able to negotiate a schedule where she works from 6:30 -- 1:00. Then she goes to work two nights per week to make up her required hours. However, leaving at 1:00 means that she can pick up her kids from dc -- and not pay for two full-time slots.

Other sister "has it all" because she was able to do her job from home. she sent her dd to dc so that she could get all her work done.

Best friend "has it all" because she works for her town hall. She's right near her dd's school so that if her dd needs her she's right there. Often her dd will come to her building after school and start on her homework while her mom finishes her last 1/2 hour of work. She also has some flexibility if she needs time in the middle of the day.

Even my mom "had it all". She got a job when I was 12, youngest sister was 6. She worked from 9-3 and was home quite close to when we all got home. Her salary enabled her to pay for our yearly summer vacations, extras that we needed, etc.

I can't believe we're that different from the rest of the wohm population.

Carole

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