so sick of hearing....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
so sick of hearing....
1991
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 1:34pm
hello everyone!! i just read the cnn article on how burnt out and guilty the working mom is...and how hard it is to incorparate "quality" time...and all i can say is WILL YOU COME OFF IT PLEASE!! i work-40 hours a week; sometimes 6 days a week to get all my hours...and i have 2 children-7 and 3...and you know what-every day during the school year, i walk my dd to school...i volunteer at my dds school-in her classroom and on field trips-i have the last 2 years and plan to do more of the same this coming year...i keep the house clean-do the dishes and laundry, go grocery shopping, etc. and you know what-neither of my kids feel slighted. we just took a week long vacation where we went to an amusement park and then to visit my sil for a few days...they have a lil shallow pool-and i go "swimming" with them often-usually before i go off to the adult world of work...we go on shopping trips with my mom and visit a cousin who has a huge pool and the adults play cards outside on the deck when the kids swim...we play games, we take walks, we go to parks...it just boggles my mind. yes i get tired-and yes there are days i wish i didnt have to go in to work...but then theres days that i cant wait until i go in-some women are meant to stay at home and theyre happy doing it...and some women are meant to work outside the home-i need that adult stimulation-i need my friends and my friends are all behind that deli counter with me...again i dont feel my kids are slighted in the least-my own mom was a stay at homer and she didnt volunteer at school and we never took the kinds of trips and outings my kids are lucky enough to have on a regular basis...i dont feel guilty when im at work-i dont think being a working mom hurts my kids...im getting sick and tired of hearing how unhappy working moms are, or how guilty i should feel cuz im not with my kids 24/7...maybe im the exception...or maybe the media focuses too much on the exceptions and a lot of working mommies feel like me...??? take care!!
joanne
maman2goons@yahoo.com

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 2:26pm

You know, I understand about wanting to stay home with kids when they are young. I really loved the baby/toddler/preschooler stage and loved spending time and doing things with my kids at that age. So if you don't have to work, and you don't want to work, it sounds like you are doing exactly what you want to do and good for you.

What I *don't* get is why it's such a terrible horrible thing to work outside the home if you want to, if your kids are well-taken care of, and if everybody is happy and thriving. I didn't have to work, and sure, there were some days my kids would rather have stayed home than gone to daycare, but there are days they'd rather stay home than go to school. I don't think they *ever* got the idea that I would rather be at work than with them, because by the time they were old enough to understand that not everyone's mother works outside the home, they were old enough to understand that my working got them cool perks -- not "stuff," (which we are definitely not into and I've got a monster thread to prove it), but things like cool vacations --- I am a European historian and we "have" to go to Europe for an extended period about every other year, plus the kids go with me to conferences all over the USA) -- and good seats to college football games and stuff like that. My kids are now 11 and 15, and I have yet to see any real negatives attached to me choosing to work outside the home.

What REALLY bugs me about the debate is that the kids who *may* be losing out are the children of the parents who get a "free pass" --- the "have to" workers. In a lot of cases, people who need two incomes just to survive simply don't have the option to hire well-trained nannies, or to put them in top daycares that cost oodles of money a month. Those are the kids who are most likely to be latchkey kids, things like that. But precious few people worry much about those kids, because their parents "have to" work. Instead, we get all these worrisome statistics about a .7% rise in aggressive behavior among seven year olds, or a fifteen month old who only knows how to count to ten instead of to twelve. Why is that?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 2:28pm
Out of curiosity, why do you feel that it is developmentally better for a 4 yo to be at home with a parent but developmentally better for that same child one year later to be in school for 30+ hours per week. What changes between the ages of 4 and 5?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 2:28pm

I wasn't asking for a complete daily schedule, just trying to get an idea of how you are defining time

PumpkinAngel

Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 2:31pm
sure it's technically an option for everyone but for someone like me it would never be an option b/c my fundamental views are very different.... my late sister considered going ROTC for about 3 seconds but abandoned the idea pretty quickly

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 2:36pm

I didn't want to get political, but if one of my kids wanted to enlist I'd shoot 'em in the foot myself, lol.

Robin

Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 2:37pm
amen sistah -- and especially not while this bozo is still in office...;-)

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2004
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 2:38pm
I don't have 80K of extra income. I quit working so now I have that much less income. My family has had to cut back on many things for me to stay home....actually I was trying to encourage other moms through my post to get their children to apply for scholarships out there to help pay for school. Geez....can't even be nice on here without someone trying to twist your words.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 2:39pm
Not trying to speak for PNJ, of course, but I have to say that there are people (I happen to be one of them, too) who just can't be happy being their own boss. The external motivation is what keeps some of us hopping.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2004
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 2:46pm
At least you are honest. I love being my own boss and felt that most of mine held me back from my full potential. Now my success and failure depends on me no one else.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 2:58pm

"What REALLY bugs me about the debate is that the kids who *may* be losing out are the children of the parents who get a "free pass" --- the "have to" workers. In a lot of cases, people who need two incomes just to survive simply don't have the option to hire well-trained nannies, or to put them in top daycares that cost oodles of money a month."

Yes!

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