so sick of hearing....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
so sick of hearing....
1991
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 1:34pm
hello everyone!! i just read the cnn article on how burnt out and guilty the working mom is...and how hard it is to incorparate "quality" time...and all i can say is WILL YOU COME OFF IT PLEASE!! i work-40 hours a week; sometimes 6 days a week to get all my hours...and i have 2 children-7 and 3...and you know what-every day during the school year, i walk my dd to school...i volunteer at my dds school-in her classroom and on field trips-i have the last 2 years and plan to do more of the same this coming year...i keep the house clean-do the dishes and laundry, go grocery shopping, etc. and you know what-neither of my kids feel slighted. we just took a week long vacation where we went to an amusement park and then to visit my sil for a few days...they have a lil shallow pool-and i go "swimming" with them often-usually before i go off to the adult world of work...we go on shopping trips with my mom and visit a cousin who has a huge pool and the adults play cards outside on the deck when the kids swim...we play games, we take walks, we go to parks...it just boggles my mind. yes i get tired-and yes there are days i wish i didnt have to go in to work...but then theres days that i cant wait until i go in-some women are meant to stay at home and theyre happy doing it...and some women are meant to work outside the home-i need that adult stimulation-i need my friends and my friends are all behind that deli counter with me...again i dont feel my kids are slighted in the least-my own mom was a stay at homer and she didnt volunteer at school and we never took the kinds of trips and outings my kids are lucky enough to have on a regular basis...i dont feel guilty when im at work-i dont think being a working mom hurts my kids...im getting sick and tired of hearing how unhappy working moms are, or how guilty i should feel cuz im not with my kids 24/7...maybe im the exception...or maybe the media focuses too much on the exceptions and a lot of working mommies feel like me...??? take care!!
joanne
maman2goons@yahoo.com

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2007
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 5:48pm

I guess I'm one of the snivellers...

My son is 13 months old, and I have worked a 70 hour work week since he was 3 months (except our days off - we work 16 days on, 12 h days, and then 5 off.) It tears me apart! I missed him rolling over, I wasn't the one to discover his first teeth, and most recently I missed him take his first steps. I've seen him cry and reach for the babysitter instead of me. And after a 12 hour day plus 3 hours in commuting time, I didn't have much left over for him - he would usually be asleep as soon as I picked him up, and many times until I dropped him off the next day. This is no way to raise a child. Unfortunately in my line of work (oil and gas construction), I don't have a part time (or even a regular full-time) option.

I am scheduled to get out of this - on September 18th. But now I am expecting my second, and I hope I can get in some real quality time with my son before the new one comes. I guess "work" is different for everyone, and I too look at "working" mothers who put in 20 h a week and complain - I DREAM of spending only 20 hours away from my son! But for myself, I know that this type of work is not sustainable for raising a family. It's the only work I know, though, and so it leaves me with little option.

Thanks for listening and considering :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2006
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 5:50pm
Not everyone is physically capable of joining the military either. I was disqualified due to asthma.

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joypark.jpg picture by funkymamajoy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2003
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 6:00pm

These are incentives to join the military not lowered standards.

 

Shari mother to

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 6:17pm
Maybe you haven't heard it, but it was in the news last month--it may have related to the army only. The army did not make it's recruitment goals for the month of June, which is usually their biggest month due to hs graduations. This not meeting recruitment goals was even with the lowering of standards the army had put into place (not sure when) to allow recruits in who had criminal records and were overweight--maybe other health issues too. I heard this in a tv news report, but I'd bet you could google it.

VickiSiggy.jpg picture by mamalahk

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 6:23pm
I read currieri's info & yes much of that is not lowering of standards. It sounds like they changed their standards in regards to tatoos. I didn't even know they had any. They lowered their standards with regard to overweight people. The news info I heard also reported that people with criminal records who wouldn't have been able to get in, may now be able to, because those standards had changed.

VickiSiggy.jpg picture by mamalahk

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2006
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 6:24pm

<• Increasing to more than 15 percent the number of Army and Army Reserve troops given waivers for medical and moral reasons or for positive drug and alcohol screen tests.>

1 in 6 recruits, about 17% last reported, needed a medical or moral waiver claim for enlistment. That's not an incentive, that's seriously lowering standards. And not to mention the changing weight and education standards. YMMV

Here's an artical that directly addresses the criminal background waivers:

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/02/14/us/14military.html?ex=1329109200&en=06c953182b1c51bb&ei=5088&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss

(you may need to be a registered user to read the artical)

Army Giving More Waivers in Recruiting
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By LIZETTE ALVAREZ
Published: February 14, 2007
Correction Appended

The number of waivers granted to Army recruits with criminal backgrounds has grown about 65 percent in the last three years, increasing to 8,129 in 2006 from 4,918 in 2003, Department of Defense records show.




Edited 8/21/2007 6:40 pm ET by currieri
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 6:26pm

I did not misrepresent anything. The statement that I was a SAHM who used day care is a true statement. I made no mention of the hours used because it had nothing to do with the post I was replying too. You made this statement to I am fine now:

"That strikes me as curious. Maybe I've forgotten but don't you have 3 children close in age? I do - ages 4, 6 and 8. They've gone for days this summer just the 3 of them (plus me/DH) without needing other children. I can only handle about 2 additional friends (drop-off) here at my house.

At some point, isn't 3 enough for them to entertain themselves together? Or are you talking about the fighting component of siblings ~ they need to be away from each other but with friends? (THAT I understand!)"

That is the post I was replying to. I gave an example of sometimes children can be close together in age but still not be together during the day.

I also find it odd that I would try to curry favor with WOHM's here. If I make the statement that I was a WOHM who did not use daycare (also a true statement) does that mean that I am trying to curry favor with the SAHM's here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 6:37pm
I am an Air Force vet and my Dh retired Air Force. None of our children have had any desire at all in the military. I think the older ones feel like they have already done their time.
Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 6:54pm

first of all welcome and congrats on finding a solution that works for you -- I've worked full time since my now 8 year old was just shy of 4 months and I wouldn't change a thing but every one is different and has different need.

just remember the first time YOU saw your son roll over was the first time it mattered for you -- the first time YOU saw him walk was the first time it mattered for you -- a big deal is made aobu these infant and toddler firsts but honestly the ones I remember are the first time Liza said "mom can we talk in private?" the first time she cracked a joke wiith a killer punchline, the first time she said "momma this is a drop off birthday party, you can come back and pick me up later" (yes!) the first time she told me not just that she loved me but that I made her laugh. And she's only 8 -- there are so many more big important firsts to look forward to. Don't get too wrapped up in missing anything now -- there's So much more to come!

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 8:11pm

don't despair about the firsts -- ANY TIME you see a first, it is a first for YOU. And honestly, what about "lasts"? the last bottle? last diaper? last day in preschool? last night without a night-light? etc....

Time marches on. I'm glad you have found a better balance for you & your family. As a teacher, I'm gone from 6 am-4 pm (work hours 8-2:30). Plenty of time for me to have been raising my three (now fourth with my step-daughter) kids over the last 16 years.

Carole

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