so sick of hearing....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
so sick of hearing....
1991
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 1:34pm
hello everyone!! i just read the cnn article on how burnt out and guilty the working mom is...and how hard it is to incorparate "quality" time...and all i can say is WILL YOU COME OFF IT PLEASE!! i work-40 hours a week; sometimes 6 days a week to get all my hours...and i have 2 children-7 and 3...and you know what-every day during the school year, i walk my dd to school...i volunteer at my dds school-in her classroom and on field trips-i have the last 2 years and plan to do more of the same this coming year...i keep the house clean-do the dishes and laundry, go grocery shopping, etc. and you know what-neither of my kids feel slighted. we just took a week long vacation where we went to an amusement park and then to visit my sil for a few days...they have a lil shallow pool-and i go "swimming" with them often-usually before i go off to the adult world of work...we go on shopping trips with my mom and visit a cousin who has a huge pool and the adults play cards outside on the deck when the kids swim...we play games, we take walks, we go to parks...it just boggles my mind. yes i get tired-and yes there are days i wish i didnt have to go in to work...but then theres days that i cant wait until i go in-some women are meant to stay at home and theyre happy doing it...and some women are meant to work outside the home-i need that adult stimulation-i need my friends and my friends are all behind that deli counter with me...again i dont feel my kids are slighted in the least-my own mom was a stay at homer and she didnt volunteer at school and we never took the kinds of trips and outings my kids are lucky enough to have on a regular basis...i dont feel guilty when im at work-i dont think being a working mom hurts my kids...im getting sick and tired of hearing how unhappy working moms are, or how guilty i should feel cuz im not with my kids 24/7...maybe im the exception...or maybe the media focuses too much on the exceptions and a lot of working mommies feel like me...??? take care!!
joanne
maman2goons@yahoo.com

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 8:53am

Why SAH if it is not adding anything of value to your family and your kids are not among those for whom SAH is the best solution? Also, people work for many reasons beyond just making ends meet.

For example, you may have a dh who can support the family fully, i.e. you can "afford" to SAH. However, by doing so, you are injuring your longterm work prospects most likely, and should you be in a situation of "having" to work down the line, it may not be easy to get to the point of being able to support yourself. Some people prefer to keep their hand in, so that they won't have to start from scratch again later.

As another example, my aunt worked when I was a kid and my mother wanted to work. Both women had similar educations, identical dhs with the same job (twins who are business partners) and absolutely no financial need to work. They both felt bored and unfulfilled when not working at the things they were educated for and knew about. Neither was anything very hifallutin' but they both enjoyed their work. When later on they both got traded in for younger models, it turned out to be a good thing that they had not completely dumped their careers over the years.

Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 8:54am
yeah being the single earner does suck at times but one thing I lvoe about it is there's no one to "check" with if I want to buy something/do something/go somewhere. My ex husband used to eat out every dya for lunch but expected me to brown bag it -- he'd routinely spend hundreds on cds but complain that the saline solution for my contact lenses was too expensive... such a prince. I love the freedom to say "yes i will buy myself a new book today b/c I want to" and knowing that it's my responsibility to pay for it-- I gotta tell you as much as I scrimp and save and invest and budget NOTHING felt so freaking awesome as trading in the ugly car my ex had bought me and driving off that lot with a brand new bright red jeep (that I promptly slapped my rainbow bumper sticker on !) LOL

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 9:00am
If you are happy with your choice, all the more power to you. What I do not get is why you feel that others should choose as you have. In your post, all the reasons for SAH are about you and your satisfaction in being there for the firsts etc. Again, enjoy! but how is that an argument for my staying home, for example, if I do not give a rat's behind about firsts?
Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 9:02am
Exactly! I have pointed out that no one has said that she "should" work or so why is she so hung up on telling the wohms moms here we should stay home if we don't want to?

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 9:06am

Well, that is exactly your way or the highway–your way being that they are on their own for college, and if they do not go they can trudge the highway.

May I ask what sort of college degree you got? Was this a distance learning degree (I am thinking it was, given that you were in the Guard, but I do not want to assume).

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 9:32am
But that statement, in and of itself, implies that SAH is the best thing to do. Otherwise, particularly if you're saying that outside care is not a bad thing, why would it matter why a parent was working?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2007
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 9:41am
That's (obviously) not what I disagree about. I believe that SAH is the best thing for my family at this time. I do not think that anyone who can should SAH. In fact, the end of my SAH term is coming up here in a bit.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2004
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 9:49am

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2004
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 9:53am

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 9:54am
What does that mean? Do you think it's not in the best interests of five year olds to be in classrooms? That if you were deciding, school should start later? Or earlier?

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