In the frequently relevant (to so many debates on Ivillage) words of Inigio Montoya from The Princess Bride "You keep using that
"If the family is so easily able to afford a sah, they are probably not middle class. Either upper middle class or off into the rich level."
Honestly, my family is probably closer to poor than middle class, and I assure you, we're miles away from upper middle class, but we really haven't struggled financially with me SAH. I was actually really surprised by that.
"would rather "do without" than have dual working parents."
Can't speak for all nearly poor, one income by choice families, but for us it's something like that, but not quite.
For starters, I can't get over how much money we wasted. Kid or no kid, job or no job, I really wish we'd saved more. There was one year, long before DD was born, I think we may have eaten dinner at home 10-15 times in the whole year. I'm an excellent cook, but with both of us working different schedules, it was just easier that way. Since I'm no longer working there are things we don't really do anymore, like eating out everyday or buying pricey work clothes. It's not so much that we're doing without these things, it's just that the need isn't there anymore.
The other part is doing things differently. Whenever possible, we try to do our own home and car repairs. We do admit when it's not, and call a professional, but I'm shocked at how much we can actually do ourselves. I have to brag a minute about the beautiful glass block shower I built. I also started a garden and grew a lot of our own veggies this summer. Not only did we eat great foods, but DD had a blast. I bought a sewing machine for $20 from a garage sale, and I'm learning to use it. This wasn't actually to save money, so much as because I couldn't find jeans thin enough in the waist, but long enough in the legs for DD, but my mom has a whole room full of fabric she bought cheap and probably won't use that I'm welcome to.
We do some bartering. I repair my mechanic friend's computer, and he does any car repairs we can't do ourselves. DD just started gymnastics, in exchange for making the instructor's daughter's wedding cake. Our tenant is teaching her karate for a rental discount.
I guess there are a handful of things we do without. We drink water instead of buying soda, we quit smoking (upon finding out I was pregnant for me, and after I left work for DH), we walk a lot more to save gas, we eat at home most of the time, and we got rid of cable. Since these are all positive changes, it's really hard to see it as doing without. I guess that's why it doesn't seem like we've struggled or made any big sacrifices for me to SAH.
Oh, I definitely wasn't putting those things out as things only SAHP can do. I was just giving some examples of ways we've modified how we live so that SAH isn't a financial struggle for us. Those weren't really things *we* did before.
"If you can't annoy somebody with what you write, I think there's little point in writing."-- Kingsley Amis, British novelist, 1971 t .
Glad I could help :)
talk insulting,those poor kids who are entering college feeling measured by those whose parents pay full rides and those who do not.
Oh my, I feel so sorry for my poor children who have the full of gamut choices for college or university or anything else they may choose, e.g. trade school or the military, without fear of crippling debt when they finish. Yes, giving them the more choices at the start of their adult lives is such a burden on them -- On what planet?