I'm sorry for your family and I hope you can work things out for your mother.
I think I hold the award on this board for once being the deepest in debt ~ almost $100K for school and living on my own ~ so I do know what it means to struggle. You know little about my own struggles and I was not aware of your current troubles. You married younger and you didn't save as much as I had who married much later than you. And you had close to 100 people, I think you mentioned?
I'm not justifying anything, just debating and countering your view that it's over the top for several pockets of the country to have an arbitrary but settled custom of supplying wedding guests with liquor for a few hours.
No, you misunderstand me, what would be over the top is for those folks to transplant that custom HERE (as you found out from your brothers New England wedding!) If it floats your boat knock yourself out, but don't try to tell me I'm cheap b/c I do things the way they're 'done' here.
I had a very very modest wedding, no limos, no sit down meal, one lonely dj, not alot of flowers (married at Christmas so the church was decorated) a donated cake from a family friend, a modest gown, my mom's dress off the rack from JC Penny, you get the drift. it was nice but simple and the important thing as always was the people...that's what always matters.
Thanks for your good thougths on my current situation -- what I have left out of this whole debat b/c I didn't want to seem as though i was fishing for sympathy -- was that my dad was dying when I got married and died the day I got back from my honey moon (he was 50 when I was born and my mom was 40 which is why I have the aging parent issue I have now) -- so the last thing any of us possibly thought was important was a showy wedding -- at that time as always the people were what mattered. My parents never had money, none of us do but we've all been called to careers of some kind of service that make it all worth while -- me in the arts, my brother in law and my parents in education fo the deaf -- I'm making sure however to provide for my future better than my parents did for theirs -- but it's very very hard right now. thanks for your kind words.
Why do you consider it a showy display of wealth? If you know that your friends like to drink and you are inviting them to a a party that YOU are hosting, why not provide them with beverages that you know they like? I don't at all consider it a show of wealth any more than I do providing them with nice dinner. If my budget was that small for a wedding that alcohol cost was going to be an issue, most likely I'd have a much smaller scale reception or find a venue that enabled me to purchase the alcohol myself so that I still could provide food and beverages that I know my guests are going to enjoy.
I do understand that it's different in your experience, but I disagree that those of us who choose to provide open bar to guests are considered showing some awful display of wealth. My parents aren't wealthy - my father worked for the federal government his entire career - but b/c my mother has always been frugal and my father been financially smart, my parents have enjoyed a nice lifestyle. Having an open bar at our wedding was certainly not some disgusting show of wealth.
Again...what I'm saying is that in frugal yankee land we'd probably look at bit askance at it and then we'd probabl shrug and say "oh well their dime...I'll have vodka collins please"
just like you object to being called showy I object to being called cheap and advised that I shoudl have 'scaled back' what was already the worlds' most modest reception or 'inivted less people' when I've said time and time again having the people there was what was important. everyone there knew our means and our situation and no one batted an eye -- nor did I bat an eye at the countless cash bar weddings i"ve attended since.
I'm glad your father got to see you happily married. It probably gave him great comfort. (I know it gave my parents a lot of comfort when I finally got married!)
You know I'm just debating. ;) At times like this, it's good to have a place to go for a little while and forget what's happening at home. Let no man say we ever debate anything important or realistic here!
yeah....although it's probably best he didn't live to see the whole "i'm getting a divorce b/c my husband is an emotionally abusive rageaholic and I've finally admitted I'm a lesbian' phase of my life... LOL!
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Erin
Community Technical Assistant | Community Moderator
iVillage.com
I'm sorry for your family and I hope you can work things out for your mother.
I think I hold the award on this board for once being the deepest in debt ~ almost $100K for school and living on my own ~ so I do know what it means to struggle. You know little about my own struggles and I was not aware of your current troubles. You married younger and you didn't save as much as I had who married much later than you. And you had close to 100 people, I think you mentioned?
I'm not justifying anything, just debating and countering your view that it's over the top for several pockets of the country to have an arbitrary but settled custom of supplying wedding guests with liquor for a few hours.
Erin
Community Technical Assistant | Community Moderator
iVillage.com
Erin
Community Technical Assistant | Community Moderator
iVillage.com
No, you misunderstand me, what would be over the top is for those folks to transplant that custom HERE (as you found out from your brothers New England wedding!) If it floats your boat knock yourself out, but don't try to tell me I'm cheap b/c I do things the way they're 'done' here.
I had a very very modest wedding, no limos, no sit down meal, one lonely dj, not alot of flowers (married at Christmas so the church was decorated) a donated cake from a family friend, a modest gown, my mom's dress off the rack from JC Penny, you get the drift. it was nice but simple and the important thing as always was the people...that's what always matters.
Thanks for your good thougths on my current situation -- what I have left out of this whole debat b/c I didn't want to seem as though i was fishing for sympathy -- was that my dad was dying when I got married and died the day I got back from my honey moon (he was 50 when I was born and my mom was 40 which is why I have the aging parent issue I have now) -- so the last thing any of us possibly thought was important was a showy wedding -- at that time as always the people were what mattered. My parents never had money, none of us do but we've all been called to careers of some kind of service that make it all worth while -- me in the arts, my brother in law and my parents in education fo the deaf -- I'm making sure however to provide for my future better than my parents did for theirs -- but it's very very hard right now. thanks for your kind words.
Yes. We. Did.
Why do you consider it a showy display of wealth? If you know that your friends like to drink and you are inviting them to a a party that YOU are hosting, why not provide them with beverages that you know they like? I don't at all consider it a show of wealth any more than I do providing them with nice dinner. If my budget was that small for a wedding that alcohol cost was going to be an issue, most likely I'd have a much smaller scale reception or find a venue that enabled me to purchase the alcohol myself so that I still could provide food and beverages that I know my guests are going to enjoy.
I do understand that it's different in your experience, but I disagree that those of us who choose to provide open bar to guests are considered showing some awful display of wealth. My parents aren't wealthy - my father worked for the federal government his entire career - but b/c my mother has always been frugal and my father been financially smart, my parents have enjoyed a nice lifestyle. Having an open bar at our wedding was certainly not some disgusting show of wealth.
Again...what I'm saying is that in frugal yankee land we'd probably look at bit askance at it and then we'd probabl shrug and say "oh well their dime...I'll have vodka collins please"
just like you object to being called showy I object to being called cheap and advised that I shoudl have 'scaled back' what was already the worlds' most modest reception or 'inivted less people' when I've said time and time again having the people there was what was important. everyone there knew our means and our situation and no one batted an eye -- nor did I bat an eye at the countless cash bar weddings i"ve attended since.
Yes. We. Did.
I'm glad your father got to see you happily married. It probably gave him great comfort. (I know it gave my parents a lot of comfort when I finally got married!)
You know I'm just debating. ;) At times like this, it's good to have a place to go for a little while and forget what's happening at home. Let no man say we ever debate anything important or realistic here!
{{Hugs}}
yeah....although it's probably best he didn't live to see the whole "i'm getting a divorce b/c my husband is an emotionally abusive rageaholic and I've finally admitted I'm a lesbian' phase of my life... LOL!
Yes. We. Did.
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