Spinoff thread. Gifts how much is too

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2003
Spinoff thread. Gifts how much is too
1403
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 11:47am

much?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Mon, 07-02-2007 - 8:22pm
If you can't afford an open bar in the usual sense, then you should just have wine and beer or even just soft drinks. Imo, whatever you serve, there should be plenty of it, be it food or drink, and there shouldn't be any cost to your guests.
Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 07-02-2007 - 9:14pm

We had champagne and soda and water on the house anything they wanted above that was on a cash basis....just like EVERY wedding I've been to save one. It's not that big a deal frankly.

this is all so funny b/c I never even talked abot my own wedding so much when i was getting married! LOL. And we see so many brides and weddings come through thefunction hall at the theater (we do some onstage weddings which are pretty spectacular too) and I have almost no interest in the whole wedding planning scene -- I'm just very glad it's not part of my job LOL

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Mon, 07-02-2007 - 10:18pm

no, we had the price quoted to us WITHOUT the open bar...that took anywhere from $12-15 off the top of each meal. THEN we added back in a TOTAL of $500 for a tab bar. When it got to that amount we decided to make it a cash bar as we didn't want to spend 4x that on alcohol.

Carole

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Mon, 07-02-2007 - 10:46pm
I think cash bars of any kind are tacky. I wouldn't charge anyone anything to be served in my house, so why would I do that when I'm throwing a party anywhere else? But wedding etiquette has become tremendously distorted in recent years.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2006
Mon, 07-02-2007 - 11:28pm

Really not seeing the big deal here. I've been to all kinds of weddings, from elopements (my own X 2) and a bunch of like minded friends, to informal, to traditional - religious and secular , and also destination, some really beautiful island weddings. They have been from pot luck to unbelievely elegant. e.g black tie. I always had the impression that an invite meant they wanted me there, no matter what I kind of gift I could bring.

There have been open bars, cash bars, no bars (I do have friends that don't drink, but as an Irishman I don't remember what we've got in common. (I jest, please, and I still had fun).

What the heck is wrong in letting the bride and groom set the party rules. If I don't want to be there, I can choose not to attend or send a gift.

I, too, am from NE, though a flatlander, I guess as a longtime RIer. I've been to 100s of weddings, of many different types across many different SES and I'm amazed by this thread. Rich B&G, elegant party, poor B&G, potluck party in home or hall, Mod B&G with parents paying for country club or restaurant, all good parties. I've always gave the same gift.

For one, I've got no expectations. I hope to have some good food, some refreshment (non necessarily alcholic, though that's my preference, paid or unpaid) and wish the happy couple goodwill.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-02-2007 - 11:38pm
So you couldn't read the definition of obligation & understand how it applies?

VickiSiggy.jpg picture by mamalahk

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
Tue, 07-03-2007 - 1:35am

I am not against drinking. I just find it sad that people have to "have a few" to have a good time, relax, etc. I am not comfortable being around people who are not in control of themselves. Nothing is more annoying, IMO, than people laughing too loudly, slurring their speech, and saying inappropriate things. Nothing ruins a party faster than someone drinking too much.

Robin+

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
Tue, 07-03-2007 - 1:40am

I'm sorry. I have a hard time believing that everyone at your reception had someone who hadn't been drinking to drive them home. You stated earlier that your reception involved 5 hours of drinking. Did the bar at your reception stop serving 1 1/2 hours before anyone left?

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2006
Tue, 07-03-2007 - 4:31am

<>

How would anyone know that beforehand?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2006
Tue, 07-03-2007 - 4:48am

My nephew attended a wedding where the bride's parents had come up with a reasonable compromise to the cash bar/open bar issue. They supplied all the liquor themselves and paid for the servers from the wedding/reception site. In the months prior to the wedding, the bride's mother followed all the local liquor store sales and stocked up on an impressive array of top-notch liquor, all while it was on sale. Come the day of the wedding, the bar staff had a hugely and richly outfitted bar from which to serve all the drinks, the bride's mom paid less than $800 total for the drinks served (nearly 400 people) and the reason any of them knew about it was at the end of the wedding the bride's mom invited those left to take any of the unopened liquor home with them. (the opened stuff had to be poured out).

I thought it was a savvy means to walk the line between a cash bar and spending thousands for an open bar.

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