Stay at home NCP SM?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2008
Stay at home NCP SM?
58
Wed, 07-29-2009 - 2:22pm

Hello, I wanted to get some thoughts or ideas from women that stay at home or chose not to because its very likely that I will either work part time or become a full time housewife.


Heres the thing, I have worked my whole life. I have always worked full time and often over time, and some times even more then one job. I got married at 16, divorced by 17 and was living fully on my own and supporting myself as I do not have any family to help me. Many years have passed and I have done pretty well for my self. So work has always been a big part of my life.


Now, I am with, and have been with for some time, a wonderful man who wants to take care of me. He is also capable of doing so pretty well. He has 2 boys that live with their mom, but we often have them for a week here and there, weekends and even a solid month in the summers. We often go do things like going out of state to visit (his)family, vacations etc.


I still pretty much work full time as a store manager and I love my job for the most part. However since I take a considerable amount of time off I feel its not so fair to my employer. Though they have said nothing

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Thu, 07-30-2009 - 3:51pm

"I think my house would be shocked if we ever approached "immaculate", lol. No thanks."

Me too. Staying at home didn't change that either.

I prefer a "lived in" look. Can't relax in an house that is immaculate.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Thu, 07-30-2009 - 3:59pm

I am curious about what people mean when they say they made a meal "from scratch".

For me, it means if we have soup- I made the soup including the broth (chicken or beef - haven't been able to master a decent vegetable broth always is too bitter IMO). In baking, it means baking my own bread- but not milling my own flour. It means not using a box for a birthday cake.

Sometimes my meals are "from scratch" and sometimes not- but they are very rarely made up of processed food.

When my BIL says his sauce is from scratch - it means he grew the tomatoes& basil and oregano and made the sauce. For me it means I open a can of tomato paste and added my own basil, oil etc.

If it is just using real food ingredients- then it is very easy to cook "from scratch" and doesn't have to take a long time.

In our family, sit down meals are just what we do. We did it before kids, after kids - when both of us wohft, when one ftwoh and one ftsah and in between. Work status didn't enter into it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Thu, 07-30-2009 - 4:20pm

A meal made from scratch to me means that I buy or grow (we grow very little, really) all the ingredients and cook them at home. I bake from scratch but once in awhile will buy a premade pie crust. That's not from scratch, that's assembled at home. I don't mill my own flour or refine my own sugar, I use storebought!

I wouldn't say that a spaghetti sauce made with canned ingredients such as tomatoes is from scratch, unless I canned the tomatoes. But I do say stuff is from scratch if I use dried herbs from the store. So I don't know. Everyone has a different definition of homemade, or from scratch, as I've found out from experience.

In my neighborhood, every year at Christmas we have a cookie exchange party. The idea is that you bake two dozen cookies, bring a dozen more to share at the party, and then you can take home two dozen more, so you get a variety of cookies. You can also just come and enjoy the cookies people bring to share without entering the exchange. But the rule is, if you are going to "exchange," they have to be homemade.

So one year this lady brings a plateful of slice and bake cookies, you know the kind with the Christmas tree design sort of baked in? And she takes home a plateful of these lovely hand-decorated, hand rolled cookies. A few people were rolling her eyes at that one. The most elegant, refined lady of the bunch, maybe 70 years old, comes to me after she leaves and says, "I am wondering whether, next year, dear, you might find some way of letting people know we expect a little....how shall I say it....EFFORT....if you wish to exchange cookies?"

Edited to add a close parenthesis, otherwise the whole thing made very little sense!




Edited 7/30/2009 4:28 pm ET by bordwithyou
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 07-30-2009 - 4:26pm

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PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 07-30-2009 - 4:28pm

Agreed, I could never relax in a house that is "immaculate", we are a lived in, lounging type of household.


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 07-30-2009 - 4:32pm

For me it means as close to the source as possible.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Thu, 07-30-2009 - 4:55pm
The tomatoes here have started to ripen - although there is a boatload of green ones on the vines. Actually they are my neighbor's, but he planted 23 plants this year and he shares very well. The deer got most of my bean, so we have had slim pickins. We scored with carrots, onions and basil this year though.
Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Fri, 07-31-2009 - 2:49am
Ditto. When we are pressed for time, we cook something simple and quick, but we still cook a meal using real food, set the table and sit down and eat it together. I even managed to do this when I was quite broke in addition to being pressed for time.
Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Fri, 07-31-2009 - 2:58am

" To you and other women who work full time and do it all at home." I don't think most WOHMs "do it all at home" and I don't see why they should. I have a very old-fashioned dh who can't even use the washing machine, but that means we have had a cleaning lady 1-2 times a week for most of our marriage. She also does laundry and ironing. I am his wife, not his maid. Our solution may be a bit unusual as well as quite expensive at times, but it works for us.

If a woman SAHs because her dh does not do anything at home and it is therefore too stressful for her to have paid work and a FT SAH gig on top of it (which would be completely understandable), then it would not sound to me as if she "chose" to SAH, but rather was forced into it by her dh's lack of participation.

Avatar for mommy2amani
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-31-2009 - 9:10am


I am completely the opposite.