staying home b/c of special needs kids?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2006
staying home b/c of special needs kids?
41
Wed, 11-11-2009 - 11:10am

Hi, All. I'm a longtime lurker, who has decided to just jump on in. I was wondering what everyone's thoughts were on this topic, as I've never seen it discussed before.


I'm 36 years old, happily married, and a sahm. My daughter just turned seven, my son is four. My little girl is autistic - not borderline, high functioning autism. She is non-verbal for the most part, not

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2009
Wed, 11-11-2009 - 11:28am

I don't know if there's even been a full on debate about sn children and sahping, but there are a number of us who have commented many times that having a sn child is often (not always) a reason that some families decide on having a sahp.


From finances to logistics, sometimes there just aren't any *good* choices to be made, but you make the best of what you have.

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Ducky

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Ducky

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Wed, 11-11-2009 - 12:06pm

Welcome to the board!


As with


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Wed, 11-11-2009 - 12:08pm
I don't have a specific opinion on special needs kids, but my general opinion is and always has been that families should do whatever best fits their circumstances. In your case, it sounds like SAH is the best thing for all of you.
Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Wed, 11-11-2009 - 12:17pm
I posted in one of the other threads about my niece who has Down's and is autistic, non-verbal etc. Although she and her family live in Denmark where the support/social services are excellent, it really was not realistic for both parents to work when she was small and even as she grew. In the last few years (my niece is 17), her mother has finally started working as they try to ease my niece into an institutional setting (which is the only tenable long-term solution for her). But it has not been easy and continues to be a challenge.

~~~~~ o o o ~~~~

“The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs.”

Alphonse de Lamartine, 1790-1869

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2009
Wed, 11-11-2009 - 12:37pm
Wow...what a story. I do not have any experience with sn children but I did want to reach out to you and commend you for the hard work that you do each day. It sounds like you have a support system but surely a parent support group would be an invaluable resource in your circumstances. As your child's caregiver remember to take good care of yourself too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Wed, 11-11-2009 - 4:09pm

I had to think about this one, because my initial reaction is that no it does not change my opinion--my opinion is that each individual family has a unique set of circumstances that make one status or the other a better choice for them at any given time.

After some thought, my opinion is different for a family with a special needs child on some of the related debates that have occurred on this board. In general, I would not say that a child in day care is lacking in the care and attention they need. With a special needs child, "the care and attention they need" is going to be different, and it may be more difficult to find the day care that is able to provide them with what they need. In general, I would not say that a mother's care 24/7 is superior to the care a day care provider offers. With a child whose disability requires an extraordinary amount of love and patience, I think that opinion may change.

It would change my opinion on the issue of whether it is worth foregoing a college fund in order to stay home with children. Depending on what the child's disability is, there may be little need for a college fund, and the one-on-one attention would likely play more of a role in the child's development than I would see one-on-one attention playing in general.

I am sure there are other side debates in which my general opinion would change if the debate was placed in the context of a family with special needs children, I just can't think of them off the top of my head.

With regard to having an opinion on whether parents with special needs children should work or stay home--that is still the parents' call based on all the factors for that particular family. It would be impossible for me to make a call about what is best for someone else's family.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Wed, 11-11-2009 - 6:35pm

Why would you think anyone would claim your solution invalid? It works for you guys, right? (inasmuch as anyone can claim the current healthcare situation in the US "works" for someone who can't afford it).

And if it works for you guys, what more is there?

************

Kitty

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Kitty

"If you can't annoy somebody with what you write, I think there's little point in writing."-- Kingsley Amis, British novelist, 1971 t .

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2007
Wed, 11-11-2009 - 6:51pm

I was wondering if anyone actually was gonna say "Nope, youmust put that SN child in daycare and work."


To the OP: I have 2

              *Praying for my best friend, my Dad*


 &n

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 11-11-2009 - 6:58pm

I presume that families are the best judge of what's possible for them and what's best for them. I think that's probably even more the case when it comes to special needs families, since, as you point out, many people don't really understand what's involved.

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 11-11-2009 - 7:01pm
Maybe she's had the experience of being judged.

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