Staying at home a choice??

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2007
Staying at home a choice??
2204
Sun, 04-29-2007 - 6:46am

The author of this article thinks most mothers go to work because they want to, not because they have to.

"Most parents from two-parent families today do have a choice when it comes to parental care. They can try and talk themselves into believing they don't, but it really boils down to priorities."

http://backofthebook.ca/living/2007/03/part-time-ophanages-part-2-job-only.html

Does anyone (other than her) really believe this? I don't know of anyone among my friends who works who wouldn't rather be staying at home with their children. But they don't have the choice!

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 9:50pm
I have a friend that her entry way hardwoods are very scratched. Her home is clean. She just doesnt have the money to repair the floor.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 9:50pm
It's so funny because my parents house was immaculate all the time and I don't EVER remember my mom cleaning. She always had time for us so it did not effect her relationship with her children.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 9:52pm
I would rather put a throw carpet on it then. Eventually we will carpet my dd's room as she had indoor/outdoor carpet in there before and the bottom part of the carpet did not fully come up and looks horrible in some places. Luckily it is covered up by furniture but I still don't like looking at it and there is nothing I can do to fix it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 9:56pm

I had to LOL because I have said that kind of thing to people, and I've had an experience like you describe, too. I don't tell people not to come in, but on many occasions I have apologized for my house being a wreck, only to have them kinda roll their eyes at me. It freaks me out when people see my house messy...but in all honesty, that usually means not much more than some toys didn't get put away like they were supposed to. I'm very middle-of-the-road when it comes to housework. I'm not a neat freak by any stretch of the imagination, but I do want my house to be clean and livable. My son, though, is a stuff magnet. He could sit perfectly still, doing nothing, for hours and still manage to be surrounded by an accumulation of clutter by the time it was over. This is a constant battle for us.

So anyhoo, one of the people I'd said that to later invited me to his home...and OMG, I knew then why he'd rolled his eyes at me the way he did. That house was a pigsty. Dirty, and with piles of stuff (not garbage or anything, but pack-ratty stuff) everywhere, to the point I really don't know how anyone could function inside there. I'd never seen anything like it.

It's the kind of experience that changes the old perspective *just* a little.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 10:35pm

Ok, see for awhile I thought that maybe you didnt realize how you came across with some of your ideas.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2006
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 10:45pm

In fact, Hazel has confirmed that you're absolutely right. She's stated flat out that her kids have scratched the floors they have (the daughter with her chair), and yet she claims that she was raised in a clean home that was mindfully kept and keeps one herself.

Hence, scratched floors, by her own posts, cannot be synonymous with slovenly cleaning habits.

Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 10:49pm

"Maybe I know different kinds of people than everyone else here because where I was raised, you establish yourself and have better things as you get older."

How many of your friends are millionaires? I'd bet very few with that philosophy."

Well certainly very few who were self made and before say -- 40. I know quite a few in that category.
Personally I've always been extremely focused on goals; and time sensitive to how quickly I could get there. Having "better things" wasnt something I wanted to wait to have till either my parents (god forbid it happens anytime soon!) passed away, or, I was 30, let alone 40:)

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 6:56am

Yeah, I can see how this could happen. My dh's mom was apparently like this, but the pendulum swing too far in the next generation in his family. My dh is messy and has a real aversion to anyone touching his "stuff," which is pretty clearly a reaction to the way he grew up. I'm not a neatnik, but my dh's standards are way too low for me.

My mil was a sahm until her youngest went to middle school, and she says her one regret about raising her family was that she spent too much time cleaning and not enough time just hanging out with her kids. But she has an entirely different attitude with her grandkids, so in that sense the next generation did benefit. She's really an awesome gradnmother.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 8:03am
I am not trying to be rude. I think it is an excuse to have a "lived in" house. To me "lived in" means you just let the kids destroy everything and don't care. Maybe I am seeing this a different way. I have been to many houses where the parents just sit and watch the kids destroy everything. I don't get it. We work very hard to have the things we do and I don't want them destroyed so people will know that people live in the house. My kids play hard and I understand that. They have a mess but I am trying to teach them to put things away after they are done playing with them.
I also do not have family here to help us. We do everything ourselves. I also do not have an extra room for them to trash. We only have a living room that is our main room to walk into. I can not have tons of toys laying around all the time as you can not walk into the rest of the house like that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 8:37am

I think you're confusing a "lived-in" house with a house that's trashed because the children basically have control. I've been in that kind of house, too, and it's not what I'd considered lived-in at all. A lived-in house is basically clean and well-maintained, but is not expected to be perfect at all times.

And I've learned that an extra coat of poly on hardwood floors really goes a long way toward the scratch-prevention thing.


Pages