"Stranger Care"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
"Stranger Care"
63
Tue, 06-24-2003 - 11:50am
I have seen comments on the board repeatedly about staying home so strangers do not raise children. Does anyone truly believe that working parents dump their children with some stranger and go to work? We just drop the kid at the best looking house and go to work without a care in the world. Does anyone truly believe that working parents are letting strangers raise their children (during those magical working hours of 8-5)?

Every single babysitter I have had for my children have been interviewed. I usually have the first interview and then DH and I interview together. I always drop by unexpectedly and I always have checked the referrals. The person that watches my child while I work is not a stranger. She is a wonderful friend and a valued human being. I just see red whenever I see a comment about "stranger care." Women work for different reasons-insurance, security, retirement, pleasure. None of us have strangers raising our children.

Kristi

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

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Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-24-2003 - 11:56am
Well in all the years I worked I NEVER ever left my kids with strangers. It is a stupid statement for someone to make.

Jenna

Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 06-24-2003 - 12:41pm
I'll 'see' your frustration regarding 'stranger care' and 'raise' you my frustration regarding claims that 'someone else raising my children.'

After nearly 2 months (out of what appears to be a 9-12 month tour) of 'single parenthood' due to military deployment right on the heels of a 12 month stint of 'single parenthood' during a tour of South Korea. . .I've really got to figure out where all these working parents are finding other people to raise their children.

Last I checked, I was raising my children in conjunction with dh and lots of friends and family.

And regarding stranger care. . .when school starts this August I'm going to be moving my son from his original FCC provider (since he was 9 weeks old til now at nearly 2 1/2 years old) to a provider near my home who'll be doing before/after care for my soon to be Kindergartener. We're going to miss the daily influence Ms. R has in our lives. We'll still see her as it's a small town and I'll use her daughter for evening sitting, but we'll miss that daily interaction.

Avatar for mygriffin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 06-24-2003 - 1:51pm
Well, I consider people I don't know to be strangers. And it would take me quite a while, not just a couple of interviews, some referrals and some drop-ins, to convert someone from a stranger to someone with whom I'd leave my kids. (Absolutely no offense to anyone who is more comfortable with doing this than I am.) It's nothing personal against that person. Stranger is not a derrogatory term to me. It's simply a person I'm unfamiliar with.

My perspective may be different for the following reasons, however: 1) I won't pay an agency or service--and we can't afford it, 2) I don't know anyone who could refer even an evening BABYSITTER for my kids (I was the first of my group of friends to have kids and most of my friends live at least 30 minutes away--so no sharing) 3)I don't have the NEED to REALLY look for someone because my parents watch our kids for us, and 4)I may be a little more skeptical because a friend of mine's 7mo passed away at her provider's home (a provider who had watched her older child for years). I don't blame the provider, but it's just something I'd like to avoid if I can.

So while I do have other people watch my kids, they have been family and close friends only. Regardless of who's doing it, I don't think they are raising them, but that they "help" raise them, along with DH and I. I have no problem admitting that we don't do it ALL ourselves.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-24-2003 - 2:12pm
Oh, you'd be amazed at what some people will say in order to get a rise out of someone. You must have missed a great thread several months ago (before this god-awful format change) in which somebody brought up this "letting strangers raise your children" thing. For whatever reason, it collapsed into a hilarious "I can top that" thread, in which all the working parents were claiming to do things like leave their kids on the doorstep of the daycare so they could get to work an hour earlier, and only feed their kids from the drivethru window on the way home from work, and spend all day having their nails and hair done instead of actually working.

It was funny because it's completely ridiculous. Nobody leaves their kids with strangers. People who have daycare providers interview them and get to know them and check their reputations with other people they know. That's just common sense.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-24-2003 - 2:28pm
I am quite sorry I missed that. It is just such a ridiculous comment and one you see repeated all over the board. I want to work so badly that I just drop my children with a stranger and hope for the best (eye roll).

What is wrong with someone outside of your family watching your child? My mother watches the kids sometimes and we also use teenage babysitters and friends. I do not think my children are being damaged by being exposed to non-family members.

Kristi

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-24-2003 - 2:37pm
Due to circumstances I have used stranger care. We were a military family so have not lived by family and there have been times when I have needed someone to watch my kids and did not have the option of a long interview process. So I have just called up a daycare center and scheduled my kids in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Tue, 06-24-2003 - 2:45pm
Confession!!!!! One of my kids is with a stranger RIGHT NOW! Explanation -- We have him enrolled this week and last in a very good daycamp (and if Mom 6.1 is reading, I guess it's erally daycare, because even though it's 9 to 3, I am WORKING while he's there, lol!). I know the camp director, assistant director, and even his counselor because they all go to my church and I've known 'em for years. But two of the other counselors and one parent volunteer, people I have never met, are taking all the 7 year olds (12 of 'em) on a field trip today! Yup! My son is going to visit a cave with people I don't even know! And, oh, darn it... later this summer my 11 year old son will be going off to church camp for a week with strangers as counselors! Horrors! I am no longer a contender for the Mommy Olympics!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2003
Tue, 06-24-2003 - 2:48pm
ITA, we did the same exact thing.

"Every single babysitter I have had for my children have been interviewed. I usually have the first interview and then DH and I interview together. I always drop by unexpectedly and I always have checked the referrals."

And I still "drop in", of course it is easy, she is at my house lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 06-24-2003 - 2:58pm
i think that often the sah perspective is skewed by the sah options. someone who's never used dc is more likely to consider the experience like a superfically similar circumstance. for example, like "preschool," where parents often choose a program without even meeting a "teacher" or after only one or two brief encounters, and where simultaneous drop-offs and pick-ups and short days and sessions don't allow parents and teachers to establish rapport. or like the church or gym nursery where one is lucky if she can say "good to see you!" but often as likely to have to say "are you working here today?" i do think that there is such a thing as using strangers for childcare, but i don't think that it is as common in dc as in other care situations--many of which are used by many sahms.

of course, that doesn't address the belligerent use of the term "stranger care," which is what you are talking about. that is generally an emblem--a tool that is used to try to inflict backhanded injury (or at least insult) because the speaker doesn't have the balls or brains to stand behind a more overt expression of her philosophy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-24-2003 - 4:08pm
What would it take for you to get comfortable with using someone who was previously a "stranger" to watch your children? I guess you'd get comfortable quicker if you had to.

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