Struggling with Decision
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|Sat, 06-30-2007 - 10:14am|
Quick Intro: DD 19 month old; DH 37 y.o; me: 34 y.o. DH is an attorney. I worked as a Clinical Social Worker until I was six months preg. when the agency I worked for closed. Plan initially was for me to go back to work when DD was about a year. I love staying home with DD and hate the thought of trying to juggle working full time with being a patient, understanding mom that is not exhausted all the time. Many individuals successfully do both but I have many OCD characteristics and it will be difficult for me. Also, the state I live in has been going through MAJOR mental health reform for several years now and finding a stable Clinical SW position is very hard and one that pays enough to really make it worth the sacrifice is nearly impossible.
1. DH recently changed law firms due to corporate downsizing in January and even though over a life time he will likely make more money where he is now he had to take a significant pay cut and is now making less than half what he was making. So, now I financially really need to return to work.
2. I will loose my Clinical license if I do not return within the next year or so and I have invested a lot of time and money while I have been at home with DD to maintain the Continuing Ed. hours needed to maintain my license this long without working.
3. I do want to have my own identity outside of the home. My mom worked out of necessity until about my freshmen year in college when she got disability. Her mother stayed at home with her until she started school and always put my mom first but then expected her to "repay" her when she became an adult and constantly reminded her of all she did for her and then my mom was responsible for taking care of her, calling her daily, always inviting her on our vacations, etc. My mom swore she would not be like my Grandmother but she has become a replica of her and our relationship is a replica of Grandmother's and her's. I am determined to stop this cycle and know that doing so must start now and not just talk about how I won't be like my mom. I LOVE being a SWer and want to make sure I have something else to do when my DD becomes an adult other than lay in bed and think about what she is not doing for me, doing wrong, etc.
Don't know if I have a specific question but needed to vent and do wonder if anyone has any ideas or thoughts. Have thought about part-time but right now need the insurance and income. Also, I need to go on and get some licensure hours that I can go on and get working full time.