There are already enough children in the world.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2002
There are already enough children in the world.
473
Thu, 09-19-2013 - 3:59pm

Here's an article where 5 women explain why they chose not to have any children.  http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/5-women-explain-why-chose-not-kids-165300500.html

Did you ever think about not having children?  Like some of the women, would you have had more time to enjoy your husband?  Would you be divorced? Wink  Basically, why did you have children instead of not having children?

If you don't have time for the whole article, some of the reasons included 1.) having a fulfilling life already, 2.) growing up with dysfunctional parents or other close relatives/friends who were miserable because they had kids, 3.) getting to sleep in late, travel the world, not spend the money on kids, 4.) a biggie ~ not feeling the maternal impulse.

Would you life be as happy/fun/fulfilled if you hadn't had children?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
sometimes I couldn't do both because of those pesky laws of physics that don't allow a person to be more than one place at a time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998

mortyswife wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px"> am less fun because someone's got to be the grown-up. I am not going to be inclined to want to stay out until midnight if I know I'll be driving my kid into work at 4;30 am. Up until recently there was always a tendency to put the brakes on spending , etc because we had two kids to educate and that's expensive. I traded a lot of evenings relaxing on the deck with my husband for listening to first-graders read aloud or third-graders recite multiplication tables. I turned down a trip to Egypt when the kids were little because of the remote chance that something would happen and they'd be early orphaned.</span></p><p><span style="font-size:13px">Sorry to hear that. I have done almost all of those things WITH kids. I do see the less money thing though lol. You CAN be fun AND have kids.</span></p>

How do you figure that you have done almost all of that?  

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2013
Sat, 09-21-2013 - 9:25am

I am not sure why pure fact sounds like melodrama, but yes, we have already had more free time/fun time for ourselves as the boys have grown older. I have very much enjoyed raising the boys, and have gotten to do different things and some very fun things because of their interests, but I am not one to lie and say it was all rainbows and unicorns when sometimes it was exhausting, difficult, and boring.

As my kids get older and stay up later, I think it is easier to have more alone time at night with each other. Going out IS easier together when they get older but it is not unheard of when they are younger. 

It sounds like you never really tried to do fun things WITH kids so you found it more a drudgery.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998

bordwithyou wrote:
I didn't say I was "no fun." I said I was "less fun." It is less fun to listen to a first grader read for thirty minutes a night than it is to sit on the deck with a glass of wine and gaze adoringly into my spouse's eyes. Some evenings, duty came before desire. So lively that you didn't have to make any compromises that way, but that has nothing to do with me and my situation.

We've made compromises along the way with having kids.  Even though, like you, we have traveled with them since they were very little, it's not the same as traveling without kids.  And I'm sure like you, the compromises were made without any issue but that doesn't change the fact that there were compromises made.

PumpkinAngel

Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Sat, 09-21-2013 - 9:27am
Rainbows and sunshine is an outlook I possess. It's no surprise you would find that exhausting and difficult, so is friendship to you.

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2013
Sat, 09-21-2013 - 9:28am

"sometimes I couldn't do both because of those pesky laws of physics that don't allow a person to be more than one place at a time."

"It is less fun to listen to a first grader read for thirty minutes a night than it is to sit on the deck with a glass of wine and gaze adoringly into my spouse's eyes."

How late was your first grader up reading? What did you do after that, that you couldn't have spent the rest of the evening with your dh?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Sat, 09-21-2013 - 9:29am
My kids will tell you that they have had great childhoods; lots of gray experiences. You are right, for at least eighteen years their needs come first, and a lot of time their "wants" come first, too. There has been a lot of joy along the way and I wouldn't do anything differently in terms of the balance we achieved between kid/adult trips, opportunities, and activities. That does not change the fact that for me, it is less fun to spend a Saturday morning sitting at a supermarket table with my kid selling Boy Scout popcorn than it would be to spend that time antiquing or gardening or something like that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2013
Sat, 09-21-2013 - 9:30am

How do you figure that you have done almost all of that?  

1. Last night I went to bed at midnight and was up at 5:15 to get my dd to swim practice.

2. I have done many things with my dh after my kids read a book to me.

3. I have been on 2 vacations without them. I didn't think of the possibility of them being orphaned to hold me back and say I can't go because I have kids.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998

mortyswife wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px">I am not sure why pure fact sounds like melodrama, but yes, <strong>we have already had more free time/fun time for ourselves as the boys have grown older.</strong> I have very much enjoyed raising the boys, and have gotten to do different things and some very fun things because of their interests, but I am not one to lie and say it was all rainbows and unicorns when sometimes it was exhausting, difficult, and boring.</span></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:13px">As my kids get older and stay up later, I think it is easier to have more alone time at night with each other. Going out IS easier together when they get older but it is not unheard of when they are younger. </span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:13px">It sounds like you never really tried to do fun things WITH kids so you found it more a drudgery.</span></strong></p>

I don't know how one can read Bord's posts over the years and glean that little piece of nonsense.  All the travel alone would be filled with fun things with her kids as has been described over the years.  

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998

jamblessedthree wrote:
Rainbows and sunshine is an outlook I possess. It's no surprise you would find that exhausting and difficult, so is friendship to you.

Honesty is not always easy, true.

PumpkinAngel

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