There are already enough children in the world.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2002
There are already enough children in the world.
473
Thu, 09-19-2013 - 3:59pm

Here's an article where 5 women explain why they chose not to have any children.  http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/5-women-explain-why-chose-not-kids-165300500.html

Did you ever think about not having children?  Like some of the women, would you have had more time to enjoy your husband?  Would you be divorced? Wink  Basically, why did you have children instead of not having children?

If you don't have time for the whole article, some of the reasons included 1.) having a fulfilling life already, 2.) growing up with dysfunctional parents or other close relatives/friends who were miserable because they had kids, 3.) getting to sleep in late, travel the world, not spend the money on kids, 4.) a biggie ~ not feeling the maternal impulse.

Would you life be as happy/fun/fulfilled if you hadn't had children?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2002
Sat, 09-21-2013 - 10:36am

mortyswife wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px">I do not know where anyone got the idea that I did not and do not do fun things with my kids just because I admit that there is some drudgery involved in parenting.</span></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:13px">No you said YOU were less fun because you had kids.</span></strong></p>

Yes, that's what Bord said, and that's fine.  From Bord's responses over the many, many years we've all spent here, I believe the latter to be true; I don't know the source for the lack of fun, but I do believe her with regard to the end result.

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Registered: 09-01-2002
Sat, 09-21-2013 - 10:39am

mortyswife wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px">I thought about the possibility of my kids being early orphaned because at the time we were offered the trip to Egypt, American tourists were being murdered there. It didn't stem worth the risk to me at the time.</span></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:13px">What a leap. NOTHING happens anyplace else?</span></strong></p>

And the murdering of a tourist had nothing to do with saving oneself for one's kids.  There are simply times even child-free tourists simply don't travel to a country, at other times it is safe.  The security has nothing to do with children back home and I worry for the children of self-proclaimed martyrs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Sat, 09-21-2013 - 10:45am
My children are fine, Thardy. By hanks for your concern. Although I have to tell you I'm pretty sure that if Jamblessed or Morty gad made the same decision, I'm pretty sure you'd be on here applauding their common sense. I don't know why you feel the need to constantly deride me, everything from questioning my parenting skills to my academic credentials, but I hope it is filling some need for you and you are somehow happier because of it. I would prefer a normal, honest conversation, but it does seem that's not in the works.
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Registered: 09-01-2002
Sat, 09-21-2013 - 10:47am

bordwithyou wrote:
No, it was not every weekend I was doing "less fun" kid stuff. And remember I didn't say life was "no fun." I said "less fun," Even if you do "less fun" stuff one weekend a year with kids than you would do without, that is still "less." That is the way math works,

Actually, that's not how math works.  That's how creative writing works.  Getting back to the non-fiction, when a parent responds to the article that "[I] don't think [I] would be quite as happy/fulfilled if I'd never become a mother, but I might be more "fun." that's simple math.  That's a lifetime of being less fun than she otherwise would have. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2002
Sat, 09-21-2013 - 10:50am

bordwithyou wrote:
Yes, I tend to be "less fun" when I am doing boring things or exhausting things than when I am feeling stimulated and relaxed. I don't think that is unusual in human beings. That is the way biology works.

More creative writing.  A lot of mothers don't define being with their children as "doing boring things or exhausting things."  I sure don't.  My husband doesn't.  In fact, I don't know of anyone in real life who's come up with that definition.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2002
Sat, 09-21-2013 - 10:52am

mortyswife wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px">No, it was not every weekend I was doing "less fun" kid stuff. And remember I didn't say life was "no fun." I said "less fun," Even if you do "less fun" stuff one weekend a year with kids than you would do without, that is still "less." That is the way math works,</span></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:x-small"><span>You need to find the fun in everything. Yes, I didn't find it fun to get up at 5:15 this morning but then I went back to bed lol. I wouldn't consider myself, as a whole, LESS fun though. </span></span></strong></p>

Did you have 2 dogs barking too!?  Ugh.  I hope you fell back asleep for your fun day today. 

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Registered: 09-01-2002
Sat, 09-21-2013 - 10:54am

mortyswife wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px">I'm not sure that I believe one or two...but on number 3?  </span><span style="font-size:13px">You don't realize there is a big difference between taking a cruise and traveling to Egypt?</span></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:13px">Oh I am sorry, didn't realize GOING OUT OF THE COUNTRY was such a big difference.</span></strong></p>

It's not, lol!  If someone gives you 2 free tickets to one of the cheap cruise ships notorious for bad plumbing with a Greek crew known for abandoning ship at the slightest test, you simply don't take the tickets!  And since I know you, you would certainly never blame your kids.  I would blame the wholly inconsiderate donor ~ with "friends" like that.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2002
Sat, 09-21-2013 - 10:55am

bordwithyou wrote:
I think in making any decision, you weigh risks and benefits. When the State Department is urging Americans not to travel to a particular area, the risk of going to that place is higher than normal. The possible benefits of the trip would not have been worth the risk to me. It seemed rather irresponsible at the time. It still does.

So it had nothing to do with your having children.

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Registered: 09-01-2002
Sat, 09-21-2013 - 10:56am

mortyswife wrote:
<blockquote><div style="font-weight:bold"><em>mortyswife</em> wrote:</div>&lt;p style="font-size:13px"&gt;You were out until midnight last night? &lt;strong&gt;11pm, went to bed at 12&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p style="font-size:13px"&gt;You had a glass a wine on the porch? &lt;strong&gt;Yep&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p style="font-size:13px"&gt;You are comparing a cruise to a trip to Egypt?  &lt;strong&gt;It is a trip WITHOUT kids OUT of the country.&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;</blockquote><p style="font-size:13px"></p><p style="font-size:13px">I'm not sure that I believe one or two...but on number 3?  You don't realize there is a big difference between taking a cruise and traveling to Egypt?</p><p style="font-size:13px"><strong>What don't you believe about 1 or 2? 1. We went to a high school football game last night. I usually go to bed between 11-12 every night anyway. 2. My dh and I always sit on the porch at night after the kids are in bed. Do you find that odd? </strong></p>

Lovely!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Sat, 09-21-2013 - 10:59am
Yes, it is simple math. Having children had made me less spontaneous, more risk averse, and less "fun" than I otherwise would have been this last twenty years. More of an ant, less of a grasshopper. I am not sure that is a bad thing, as I said, someone had to be a grown-up. And ultimately, I do not believe that being more "fun" would be more fulfilling at the end of it all. I do not believe the purpose of life on earth is to have as much fun, or be as much fun, as is humanly possible. So, I'm good.

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