Is there a real difference?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Is there a real difference?
172
Mon, 07-27-2009 - 3:56pm
Is there a SAHM "type" and a WOHM "type" of woman, or is the choice more dependent on circumstances? If you are one or the other, are there circumstances you could imagine switching roles, or are you "programmed" to be one or the other? If you are "programmed" who or what do you think is reponsible for your programming?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2009
Mon, 07-27-2009 - 4:24pm

I used to think that there was a SAHM amd WOHM personality but I no longer do.

I think that we all have many layers of personailty and they cross over the SAH/WOH line.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2009
Mon, 07-27-2009 - 5:50pm

I don't think there is a "type" that could be defined for either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Mon, 07-27-2009 - 11:50pm

I could be a SAHM; all I ever would have needed was a partner who made a living wage :) There'd likely have been a 'learning curve' while I adapted to a different lifestyle (the staying at home end and finding ways to occupy the day productively), but I have no reason to think I would NOT adapt to it. Don't even see that I would dislike it. Bet there would be aspects about it that I liked even better than WOHM (such as the commute!), just like there would be things about working that I would miss a lot.

I see it as very similar to the pros and cons of working days compared to working nights. For the most part, I MUCH MUCH MUCH prefer working nights over days, but I *do* miss the workweek ending at 5pm. On the other hand when I had to go back to days for a while after starting work here, I REALLY REALLY REALLY missed my Mondays. I *like* Mondays on night shift.

Today, for instance, I spent 3 hours sewing, did my workout, went to the grocery store, took my new cat to the vet, went to Costco, stopped by the gas station and got all the waste baskets in the house emptied. and was in bed before noon. It's nice to be able to run all these errands when most everyone else is at work, even if it's still technically *my* weekend.

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Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Tue, 07-28-2009 - 3:00am

I think most people try to do what they think is best for themselves, their families etc working within the circumstances that obtain. As long as a woman (in this case) feels she has some control and choice in the situation, either option can probably work for her. When there is a feeling that she is "stuck" doing either, it can easily end up being an unhappy situation, even if objectively it ought to work just fine.

The problem for me with SAH is having to let go of ambition or else channel the ambition into the kid/kids and the running of the house. The latter I find to be unhealthy, my grandma being an instructive example, so I prefer to engage that side of myself outside the home and family. However, traditional paid work is not the only healthy outlet for ambition, and there is probably a great deal of grey there. For example, the "SAHM" who also runs her local church as a volunteer, or the "SAHM" who writes or paints fairly seriously.

Being ambitious is a personality trait that varies a great deal, for men and women, and I do think it is easier to be a SAHP if you are less rather than more ambitious or are really good at finding non-traditional outlets.




Edited 7/28/2009 4:46 am ET by rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Tue, 07-28-2009 - 7:32am

"I do think it is easier to be a SAHP if you are less rather than more ambitious or are really good at finding non-traditional outlets."

It may be regional. Around here, there are more than enough ambitious things a sahp can do if they so choose.

I think parenthood is harder for the ambitious career oriented parent regardless of work status as they now have one more thing that competes for their time. I know a few who quit to be sahps because they couldn't do everything (at their job) that they did before children. They channel that energy to slightly smaller projects/endeavors at home or in the community.

Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Tue, 07-28-2009 - 8:56am

I think it does vary what is available to do and what works with the family style. It is also to some extent an SES question, I think. If you live in a fairly upscale place and can afford nannies and sitters, for example, it is a very different thing than living in the sticks and making ends meet.

By "ambitious" I was not so much thinking in the sense of "making it" in a career. Nobody could accuse me of having anything that would qualify as a career, but I do feel a need to make a mark and do certain things, which I find most easy to do in a work context.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2006
Tue, 07-28-2009 - 11:52am

I don't know that there

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Tue, 07-28-2009 - 2:10pm
I agree. I think we, as humans, are fairly adaptable creatures. There is often a learning curve though.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2009
Tue, 07-28-2009 - 2:26pm

I don't know that there is -- I used to think so - but I like most things in life some people are solidly on either end of the spectrum with the majority sort of flexing in the middle.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 07-28-2009 - 2:31pm

I don't think there is a "type", no....because I have seen irl very different types of people doing either, I think it's more of a circumstance choice, at least based on my experiences.


PumpkinAngel

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