Is there a real difference?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Is there a real difference?
172
Mon, 07-27-2009 - 3:56pm
Is there a SAHM "type" and a WOHM "type" of woman, or is the choice more dependent on circumstances? If you are one or the other, are there circumstances you could imagine switching roles, or are you "programmed" to be one or the other? If you are "programmed" who or what do you think is reponsible for your programming?

Pages

Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Fri, 07-31-2009 - 2:45am

I have known many frustrated SAHMs, starting with my mother and my grandmother. I have also known some who were not frustrated, thus my comment.

Also, I really think that being a well-paid professional who chooses to take a few years at home while the kids are small, adequately funded by the income of a well-paid professional spouse, is a situation that very few people find themselves in. Very likely many of your friends and acquaintances are like you and so it seems like a common thing to you. But I don't think it is.

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 08-04-2009 - 12:58am
Then we're back to your first hypothesis being a narrow definition of ambition after all. No real disagreement there.
Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 08-04-2009 - 1:10am

Most of my friends who have chosen to sah are educated people with spouses who can adequately support them, although they live modest lifestyles, as does my family. But if it's about frustrated ambition, I don't see how that would really matter.

I don't think it's a common thing for someone to choose to sah and then be unhappy--at least not in this day and age.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2007
Tue, 08-04-2009 - 2:42am
I think it depends on each person. I have never been naturally maternal. I also never wanted to depend on a man for anything. The role of SAHM that my mother had, is not one that I ever wanted growing up. She had a hard job. She took care of a big house, that was spotless, my sister and I, my dad, and all of the animals we had. She made every meal from scratch. We did not own a dishwasher and there were never dirty dishes in the sink. She baked and canned vegetables and managed the money. I know she did more work than my dad. So, I wanted to be like my dad. I never wanted to be like my mom. As I grew up I realized that marriage and the whole deal wasn't my goal in life. I wanted to be independent. Now that I'm a mom, I have put the priority on my son, but I can't imagine doing everything my mom did. I would be miserable. I had a hard time just with my maternity leave. Perhaps if I were wealthy and I could afford a nanny, I could not work, but I would still have to do things in the community. I would never be able to be with ds 24/7. I would not be able to have the relationship that I have with him if I did.
Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Tue, 08-04-2009 - 7:40am
Not really, but it is not worth bickering over.
Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Tue, 08-04-2009 - 7:46am

It matters because being educated and reasonably affluent gives you choices and more outlets for your ambitious side.

Being an unfulfilled SAHM may not be as common as it was in my mother's or grandmother's generation, but I think it is still more common than you seem to think it is.

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 08-04-2009 - 12:38pm

If ambition is purely career ambition, it doesn't help a bit. If ambition is defined more broadly, then I agree that being reasonably affluent helps.

But you're misunderstanding me. I didn't say there weren't any unfulfilled sahms. I said I thought it was not typical among women who *choose* to sah. If you really have a choice, you're not likely to choose something that frustrates you.

I think you're also missing that most women don't sah forever anymore. It's much easier to take a couple of years off than it is to give up your career entirely.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 08-04-2009 - 2:29pm

All the sahms that I know, haven't gone back to work yet....they became sahms with the birth of their first or

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Tue, 08-04-2009 - 4:34pm
It fits my experience. I have seen many sahps go back to work when their children entered elementary schools. Others were at home for only a few years while their children went through a particularly trying period. Just as I have seen many previous wohps since birth, have a sahp during the Elementary years and others during the JH/HS years. I have also seen a few have a sahp the whole time. It really varies around here.
Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Wed, 08-05-2009 - 3:55am
No, I noticed the "choose" part of the equation, but I think it is a slippery slope.

Pages