Is there a real difference?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Is there a real difference?
172
Mon, 07-27-2009 - 3:56pm
Is there a SAHM "type" and a WOHM "type" of woman, or is the choice more dependent on circumstances? If you are one or the other, are there circumstances you could imagine switching roles, or are you "programmed" to be one or the other? If you are "programmed" who or what do you think is reponsible for your programming?

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Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 08-05-2009 - 11:24am
Perhaps for someone who stays at home for good, but that is not the statistical norm anymore.
Avatar for rollmops2009
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Registered: 02-24-2009
Wed, 08-05-2009 - 11:37am
Even if you go back to work, you can still be frustrated while home.
Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 08-05-2009 - 11:57am

Edited because now I get what you meant.

Of course, but someone who really has a choice wouldn't sah if she would find it frustrating.




Edited 8/5/2009 12:07 pm ET by mom34101
Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Wed, 08-05-2009 - 12:20pm

Again, I am really not trying to argue that all SAHMs are frustrated or that only SAHMs devoid of any ambition are content, because either argument would be stupid.

However, even in a situation with perfect and unfettered choice (which, again, I think is hard to define) I am not sure that it is always possible to know oneself well enough. Even if you choose something, it may turn out that you are unsuited for that which you chose. I also think that ambition is still suspect for many women, especially for women who are mothers. Forget what "society" thinks. I think that we often convince ourselves that the short people ought to be #1 in our lives, all the time, and that being "good" mothers ought to fulfill us. Then when we find that ain't so, we are reluctant to face reality.

Avatar for mom34101
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 08-05-2009 - 12:45pm

I don't really know what you mean by "perfect or unfettered choice," or why that would be necessary anyway, but if someone makes the wrong choice, it can be corrected. By having a choice I mean that you can afford either and there are no special circumstances that would require one choice or the other (such as a special needs child). If it turns out you don't like sah, you'll likely realize that pretty quickly and go back to work--if you have the choice.

And I'm sure you don't mean it this way, but the whole women don't really know their own minds and are reluctant to face reality thing sounds pretty patronizing to me. I trust that a woman who says she's happy sah really is, just as I trust a women who says she's happy working to know her own mind.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Wed, 08-05-2009 - 12:56pm

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I would guess only if they found working and parenting to be MORE frustrating. Both SAH and WOH have their ways of making us want to tear our hair out occasionally, LOL. Sometimes a person just has to pick their poison.












Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Wed, 08-05-2009 - 2:34pm

I think there are often circumstances that make SAH seem like a good choice, even if you are not "forced" to SAH. Returning to work is not always that simple, but certainly many people do it.

As far as not knowing one's own mind, I don't think it just happens to women. I think plenty of humans go through periods of malaise where they are not quite sure why their lives do not seem to be working for them. At such times, I have noticed, many people tend to become very adamant that the very thing, SAH or a high-powered job or a swinger marriage or whatever, responsible for their misery is a great thing.

Avatar for mom34101
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 08-05-2009 - 3:43pm
Occasionally, for sure! ;) But IME, people have who have choices don't choose what makes them unhappy in the long run.
Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 08-05-2009 - 4:44pm

I guess we just hang out with different people. The women I know who've chosen to sah are pretty happy with it, so they're not experiencing misery, malaise, or lives that don't work. I can think of some who found it wasn't for them, or whose feelings changed as their kids got older, but they've gone back to work or found other outlets now.

It seems to me that somebody who's miserable at home with her kids, has the choice to return to work, but won't do anything to find a job may have other issues that won't necessarily be solved by getting a job.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Wed, 08-05-2009 - 5:16pm
Agreed. :-)











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