Is there a real difference?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Is there a real difference?
172
Mon, 07-27-2009 - 3:56pm
Is there a SAHM "type" and a WOHM "type" of woman, or is the choice more dependent on circumstances? If you are one or the other, are there circumstances you could imagine switching roles, or are you "programmed" to be one or the other? If you are "programmed" who or what do you think is reponsible for your programming?

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Avatar for rollmops2009
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Registered: 02-24-2009
Thu, 08-06-2009 - 4:42am

As I have tried to suggest a few times already, I think the people you hang with belong to a small and quite privileged subset of the population. However, even within such a subset, I have met women who thought they ought to be happy - beautiful kids, beautiful house, enough money etc - yet were not. Hopefully most of them will eventually do something to correct the situation, we don't really disagree. However, it can be a process and not always an easy process, especially if you feel guilty about your unhappiness and perhaps have a DH who works 80 hours a week.

Either way, my original contention was simply that having less rather than more ambition would make it easier to SAH contentedly and happily.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Thu, 08-06-2009 - 9:43am
That's not my experience. Most of the women I know have gone back to work at some point, many, maybe even most, into part-time positions. It's also possible, that unless you know *all* of these women that you speak of extremely well, that they are working part time and you just don't realize it. I know several people who work part time and for years, I assumed they were SAHMs. One of my good friends is a veterinarian. She works two shifts a week from 2-10pm, one of them being on Sundays. She made a comment to me one day about how so many people are surprised to learn that she is a veterinarian and assume she was a SAHM. Since I've made that same mistake about women I know (mothers of my kids' friends), I'm sure it happens a lot. I'm sure many people assume I'm a SAHM when in fact, I work two jobs - one that is one day a week for a few hours while my kids are at school and the other working for a real estate magazine from home - it's all computer work that I do for about two weeks out of every month but usually while the kids are at school or after they go to bed. For people that don't know me, I'm sure it appears that I don't work.
Avatar for mom34101
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 08-06-2009 - 11:05am

I agree that those who have choices are fortunate--those are exactly the people I'm talking about (though I suspect the women I hang out with are a lot less affluent than you assume). These women are much more likely to be happy with their choices. The woman whose dh works 80 hours a week probably doesn't have a real choice about whether she works, and, as I said in my previous post, I suspect she has problems that a job wouldn't fix anyway.

I still disagree with your original contention, unless you limit it to ambition in strictly a getting-ahead career sense. Even then, I know women, older moms like me, who've had pretty serious careers and were as ambitious as anybody in their younger days, yet chose to take some time off with kids and were perfectly happy and content. Few women stay at home for good anymore. But I can see we're not going to reach any agreement here.

Avatar for rollmops2009
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Registered: 02-24-2009
Thu, 08-06-2009 - 11:48am
LOL, I think you may be right about that last bit.
Avatar for mom34101
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 08-06-2009 - 11:57am
At least we agree on something! ;)
Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Thu, 08-06-2009 - 12:09pm
Yes, exactly, lol.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Thu, 08-06-2009 - 1:59pm
I would also imagine that an extremely career-ambitious woman would be better off (career-wise) being childfree by choice.










Edited 8/6/2009 2:02 pm ET by finally.me




Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 08-06-2009 - 3:57pm
Yeah, that makes sense too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
Thu, 08-06-2009 - 5:45pm

Don't have time to read the responses right now.

2010 Siggy
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Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 08-06-2009 - 11:55pm

Some I know very well, other's pretty well....and unless they using the unique definition that is often used here (paying work outside the home, but still claiming to be

PumpkinAngel

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