In today's economy, how can U stay home?
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| Mon, 08-07-2006 - 2:46pm |
I am 33 and am basically now sadly coming to the conclusion that we just can't have kids. I just don't know how people do it. In order to afford our mortgage, my husband and I both have to work full-time. And we bought a home in the least expensive market we could find in proximity to our jobs, so we commute up to four hours a day to make this work.
However, we both agreed, long long ago that we would only have kids if we could raise them ourselves. We just can't in good conscience reconcile the idea of having children and then handing them off to some stranger who is making close to minimum wages to rear them, and who can't possibly care about them as much as we do. And what would be the point? We would miss all their development and "firsts" and wouldn't be a close family, and they would grow up with attachment issues due to rapidly changing daycare staffing. No, if we can't do it the right way, we don't want to do it at all. We feel it's selfish to have them because WE WANT them; we decided long ago only to have them if we felt we could give them a wonderful life filled with love, hope, and opportunity.
So I am getting up there in age now, and I don't see things changing. The only people I see around me having children are people who 1) have family who live close by and can take care of their kids, 2) rich people, or women who marry rich men to be more specific, and 3) people whose families help them out financially.
Is there a chance for two people like us to have a family, when we don't have any of the above advantages? It doesn't seem like it should be THIS impossible! We're both hard workers who make decent money TOGETHER. Separately, it's not enough, but together, it's a good amount.
HOW could we make it happen? I have heard that having children after 34 the risks just go up and up and up, that they may not be healthy...

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thanks, punkalicorn. who knows what i'll want to do when we get there... i'm mostly just concerned about even getting to that bridge at this point.
my husband and i laugh becuase we've read/heard so many things about breasfeeding, such as that breastfed children are smarter than bottle-fed children. but all of the kids in his (also large) family were breastfed and have learning disabilities, and my whole family was fed Similac, and none of us have learning disabilities. and i have to admit, we're a pretty bright and witty bunch. so i guess i have my own controlled study to look at, where i know all the people involved rather than looking at an anonymouse study.
so unfortunately, this is another one of those areas where studies and statistics do not convince me of anything. real life experience is where i draw most of my decisions from, which is why so many of your posts have been very valuable to me!
i'm not opposed to breastfeeding, whatsoever. to me it's really 6 of 1 or half dozen of the others, so who knows what i'll actually do...
Really? Then how do you explain the fact adoption works? Babies require good care not a particular person providing that care. Adoption works because anyone who is reliable can care for a baby and they will do just fine.
Could you please support your claims with research? You are doing nothing but spouting off here. Several more hours in child care might affect bonding? In whose research study? In whose research study were aa child's morality and affected?
You're just making this up as you go along.
Sabina
Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
Research does show that breastfed babies in general have a higher IQ, although there are other factors such as diet, environment, genetics, even the pregnancy/birthing that contribute to a child's intelligence and mentality. There is no research to suggest breastfeeding can prevent learning disabilities or that formula causes them, only that breastfed babies end up being slightly more intelligent on a while. This is supported by research, but it's all statistics. Every baby will be different, and there are many factors that come into play. :)
I agree that real life experience is the best way to learn. However, I would suggest you talk to other people about their experiences with BFing & FFing, too, just so you can see what the odds are of your life experiences repeating themselves in your children. The main reason I recommend breastfeeding exclusively is because it decreases risk of allergies, ear infections, and other medical problems. It is easier on an infant's stomach,too. Every year you breastfeed, your risk of contracting breast cancer decreases. Breastfeeding certainly helped me lose my baby weight. It is a great bonding experience, and nursing can be very comforting to a baby. There are lots of benefits, all backed by research. However, breastfeeding won't be the only factor in whether you get cancer, lose your weight, or whether the baby has many ear infections. It can, however, be a helping hand in preventing less desirable things and encouraging more desirable things.
The big issue here is frugality, and breastmilk + bottles of expressed milk is much cheaper than buying formula! However, you may get free samples of formula from time to time. I did occasionally supplement with formula, before I knew about all the recalls and whatnot. I never had to buy a can. I just used what was given to me at the hospital and whatnot. So, if you try to use most expressed milk and use formula sparingly, you may get away with not ALWAYS having to pump but still not having to buy any formula.
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