In today's economy, how can U stay home?
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| Mon, 08-07-2006 - 2:46pm |
I am 33 and am basically now sadly coming to the conclusion that we just can't have kids. I just don't know how people do it. In order to afford our mortgage, my husband and I both have to work full-time. And we bought a home in the least expensive market we could find in proximity to our jobs, so we commute up to four hours a day to make this work.
However, we both agreed, long long ago that we would only have kids if we could raise them ourselves. We just can't in good conscience reconcile the idea of having children and then handing them off to some stranger who is making close to minimum wages to rear them, and who can't possibly care about them as much as we do. And what would be the point? We would miss all their development and "firsts" and wouldn't be a close family, and they would grow up with attachment issues due to rapidly changing daycare staffing. No, if we can't do it the right way, we don't want to do it at all. We feel it's selfish to have them because WE WANT them; we decided long ago only to have them if we felt we could give them a wonderful life filled with love, hope, and opportunity.
So I am getting up there in age now, and I don't see things changing. The only people I see around me having children are people who 1) have family who live close by and can take care of their kids, 2) rich people, or women who marry rich men to be more specific, and 3) people whose families help them out financially.
Is there a chance for two people like us to have a family, when we don't have any of the above advantages? It doesn't seem like it should be THIS impossible! We're both hard workers who make decent money TOGETHER. Separately, it's not enough, but together, it's a good amount.
HOW could we make it happen? I have heard that having children after 34 the risks just go up and up and up, that they may not be healthy...

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Once again, here you are calling my opinion wrong, when I have never stooped so low as to call yours wrong.
Prove that they are biased. Prove that the research is biased because they are biased, not that they are biased because of the research. Prove that the pro-WOH sites are biased because of research, not that the research is biased because of theri bias. How do you KNOW these people formed their opinion, then twisted research to prove it, but that pro-WOH sites do not? Prove it.
And, I highly doubt I am dear to you, so let's not patronize by using terms of endearment that we don't mean.
yes, i'm sure when we get there, i'll take more interest in the subject. as of now, the only reason i'd do it would be for the frugality.
a few of my friends' babies have had a lot of allergy and ear infection problems (one even had to have tubes put in and his speech was delayed because of the hearing problems, and all of them were breastfed. and again, in my family we have no allergies or ear infection problems. so i guess when it comes down to it, i lean pretty strongly towards formula feeding, but i'll definitely read and pay a lot more attention to the subject when we get pregnant!
my genes are like carbon copies of my mom and dad, so i tend to stick with what worked for them, since they (and us, their children) have turned out to be very healthy. why fix what's not broke, ya know? ;-)
Yes, I am calling it wrong because research doesn't support your opoinion. Research has not shown that maternal bonding is based on hours but rather on qualitative measures like maternal sensitivity. Your opinion may be otherwise but research says it's wrong.
Research does not support a link between morality and time spent in day care. Research does not declare a certian number of hours of day care ok and anything more not.
Your opoinion doesn't stand up to the light of day.
Prove it. Show me research that says hours served matter with regard to things like bonding out side of extremes. How about a link between morality and time spent in day care since you tout that one too.
Research does not support hours mattering but rather qualitative attributes. For example, it doesn't matter if mom WOH or SAH WRT how our kids turn out but moms educational attainment does matter regardless of her working status. Hours in day care are not linked to maternal bonding either positively or negatively but maternal sensitivity is. Research supports that quality matters more than quanitity and there is nothing to support that increased quantity can overcome lack of quality. It doesn't matter how many hours a child spends with an uneducated mother, the results will still be less than those for kids who have educated mothers.
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