In today's economy, how can U stay home?
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| Mon, 08-07-2006 - 2:46pm |
I am 33 and am basically now sadly coming to the conclusion that we just can't have kids. I just don't know how people do it. In order to afford our mortgage, my husband and I both have to work full-time. And we bought a home in the least expensive market we could find in proximity to our jobs, so we commute up to four hours a day to make this work.
However, we both agreed, long long ago that we would only have kids if we could raise them ourselves. We just can't in good conscience reconcile the idea of having children and then handing them off to some stranger who is making close to minimum wages to rear them, and who can't possibly care about them as much as we do. And what would be the point? We would miss all their development and "firsts" and wouldn't be a close family, and they would grow up with attachment issues due to rapidly changing daycare staffing. No, if we can't do it the right way, we don't want to do it at all. We feel it's selfish to have them because WE WANT them; we decided long ago only to have them if we felt we could give them a wonderful life filled with love, hope, and opportunity.
So I am getting up there in age now, and I don't see things changing. The only people I see around me having children are people who 1) have family who live close by and can take care of their kids, 2) rich people, or women who marry rich men to be more specific, and 3) people whose families help them out financially.
Is there a chance for two people like us to have a family, when we don't have any of the above advantages? It doesn't seem like it should be THIS impossible! We're both hard workers who make decent money TOGETHER. Separately, it's not enough, but together, it's a good amount.
HOW could we make it happen? I have heard that having children after 34 the risks just go up and up and up, that they may not be healthy...

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Even if you count just waking hours, you're talking 60 hours a week in day care just for the dcp to be even with the parents. Given that it's not even legal here to leave a child in day care that long, that ain't happening either.
Even if a child did spend more time with a dcp than her parents, the fact that the dcp goes away when school starts but the parent don't comes into play. Where will the dcp's influence be when they are no longer in the picture?
When all is said and done, parents end up the people to put in the most hours even if day care is used to an extreme. However, this isn't an hours game. Quality matters more than quantity. Time spent in substandard care (parental or day care) will harm no doubt but if care is good, you're not really going to see one care situation trumping another.
It is possible for people to develop special relationships with special people without spending much time with them. I have a special bond with my aunt in spite of not seeing her much. She and I just click.
well given what a sharp cookie YOU have turned out to be, i am all the more likely to formula feed if that's what your mom did. LOL!
and just for laughs: my husband ALWAYS says that! "knowing is haf the battle."
Sabina
Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
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