In today's economy, how can U stay home?
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| Mon, 08-07-2006 - 2:46pm |
I am 33 and am basically now sadly coming to the conclusion that we just can't have kids. I just don't know how people do it. In order to afford our mortgage, my husband and I both have to work full-time. And we bought a home in the least expensive market we could find in proximity to our jobs, so we commute up to four hours a day to make this work.
However, we both agreed, long long ago that we would only have kids if we could raise them ourselves. We just can't in good conscience reconcile the idea of having children and then handing them off to some stranger who is making close to minimum wages to rear them, and who can't possibly care about them as much as we do. And what would be the point? We would miss all their development and "firsts" and wouldn't be a close family, and they would grow up with attachment issues due to rapidly changing daycare staffing. No, if we can't do it the right way, we don't want to do it at all. We feel it's selfish to have them because WE WANT them; we decided long ago only to have them if we felt we could give them a wonderful life filled with love, hope, and opportunity.
So I am getting up there in age now, and I don't see things changing. The only people I see around me having children are people who 1) have family who live close by and can take care of their kids, 2) rich people, or women who marry rich men to be more specific, and 3) people whose families help them out financially.
Is there a chance for two people like us to have a family, when we don't have any of the above advantages? It doesn't seem like it should be THIS impossible! We're both hard workers who make decent money TOGETHER. Separately, it's not enough, but together, it's a good amount.
HOW could we make it happen? I have heard that having children after 34 the risks just go up and up and up, that they may not be healthy...

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Kids usually have no issues with that they are used to and they will have a reaction to changes in what they are used to. That shouldn't be mistaken for a threshold of hours to spend in day care. Once given time to get used to a new routine, it becomes the preferred routine.
You are confusing children's resistance to change with a threshold in hours for day care.
My kids hours in day care have changed both ways over the years. With each change, I saw a reaction but give it a few weeks and there was none.
And this ties into your previous post in what way?
My point is that babies are not born to bond to one particular person. That adoption works shows that clearly. They are born to bond but they will bond with any caregiver who is consistently there for them.
For snapshots in time, it goes both ways but in the long run, neither choice is superior. The fact it goes both ways shows that which we choose is not an issue. So does the fact that in the end you won't be able to tell the difference between our kids.
How can you support SAH as THE way when you admit research goes both ways?
While it does, I have yet to see anytyhing that is significant enough to change one's working status over. The few differences they do find seem to disappear on their own over time which indicates that maternal working status simply is not anything to be concerned with with regard to how our kids turn out.
ROTFLMAO. Do you make this up as you go along to fit whatever it is you want to say at the moment??? '
Either sleep time counts or it doesn't. Take your pick.
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