In today's economy, how can U stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2004
In today's economy, how can U stay home?
1500
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 2:46pm


I am 33 and am basically now sadly coming to the conclusion that we just can't have kids. I just don't know how people do it. In order to afford our mortgage, my husband and I both have to work full-time. And we bought a home in the least expensive market we could find in proximity to our jobs, so we commute up to four hours a day to make this work.

However, we both agreed, long long ago that we would only have kids if we could raise them ourselves. We just can't in good conscience reconcile the idea of having children and then handing them off to some stranger who is making close to minimum wages to rear them, and who can't possibly care about them as much as we do. And what would be the point? We would miss all their development and "firsts" and wouldn't be a close family, and they would grow up with attachment issues due to rapidly changing daycare staffing. No, if we can't do it the right way, we don't want to do it at all. We feel it's selfish to have them because WE WANT them; we decided long ago only to have them if we felt we could give them a wonderful life filled with love, hope, and opportunity.

So I am getting up there in age now, and I don't see things changing. The only people I see around me having children are people who 1) have family who live close by and can take care of their kids, 2) rich people, or women who marry rich men to be more specific, and 3) people whose families help them out financially.

Is there a chance for two people like us to have a family, when we don't have any of the above advantages? It doesn't seem like it should be THIS impossible! We're both hard workers who make decent money TOGETHER. Separately, it's not enough, but together, it's a good amount.

HOW could we make it happen? I have heard that having children after 34 the risks just go up and up and up, that they may not be healthy...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 6:42pm

I already did take my pick.

Sure, I make this up at along. Because I stated that co-sleeping with an infant that wakes frequently to nurse means more time with that infant than someone with an infant in another room sleeping through the night, I must be making it up as I go along because I repeated that statement again.

Yeah, everything I'm saying, I make up to fit whatever I'm saying at the moment. Like, for example, my 14 month-old, he can't really cliimb! I just made that up. He's not even 14 months old! I made that up, too. I made up the co-sleeping part, too! It's all lies, lies, lies! Happy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 7:35pm

While that is your preference, that doesn't make you right.

What do you achieve with this preference? Total domination over your child's life?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 7:36pm
Actually, there isn't a great deal swinging both ways. There are a few minor differences noted at specific times in development that appear to disappear on their own if left alone. What that tells us is that this is not a decision so sweat over.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 7:38pm

As I thought. You have nothing to back up your statments.

Incredible that you can believe yourself right and openly admit that any data you can come up with won't stand the light of day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 7:40pm

"As I thought. You have nothing to back up your statments.

Incredible that you can believe yourself right and openly admit that any data you can come up with won't stand the light of day."

Sounds EXACTLY the same as you stating that Canada has declared WMs bad.

ROFL

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 7:45pm
Right. Not sending him off to daycare for many hours a day many days a week gives me total domination over my child's life, forever. And oh no. God forbid I, the parent, have control over my child's influences. That's right, I forgot. Parents don't have or need authority in their child's lives these days. *eyeroll* I don't care if you think it's right. I happen to think a lot of society's views these days are total BS, regardless of what everyone else thinks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 7:46pm
I disagree. I've seen as much evidence one way as I have the other, and just as you think the pro-SAH stuff is biased, I think the pro-WOH stuff is biased. Neither of us has any proof of the bias, so it's just a matter of what is logical to us and feels right to each of us.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 7:48pm
I admit that my data won't stand up to the light of day in your eyes or the eyes of the other WOHs here, but it stands up to the light of day for me and for many SAHMs. That you consider it invalid doesn't mean I have nothing to back it up. I don't have to prove anything to you or have your approval of a source before forming or expressing an opinion.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 7:49pm
LOL! Evil Canada!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 8:25pm
Actually, no, I am not. I was, and am, fairly sensitive to my children's reactions to stress and to change. If they were stressed out about too much time away from me, I could tell. My kids, particularly my older one, are not overly stressed by "change" per se.

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