In today's economy, how can U stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2004
In today's economy, how can U stay home?
1500
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 2:46pm


I am 33 and am basically now sadly coming to the conclusion that we just can't have kids. I just don't know how people do it. In order to afford our mortgage, my husband and I both have to work full-time. And we bought a home in the least expensive market we could find in proximity to our jobs, so we commute up to four hours a day to make this work.

However, we both agreed, long long ago that we would only have kids if we could raise them ourselves. We just can't in good conscience reconcile the idea of having children and then handing them off to some stranger who is making close to minimum wages to rear them, and who can't possibly care about them as much as we do. And what would be the point? We would miss all their development and "firsts" and wouldn't be a close family, and they would grow up with attachment issues due to rapidly changing daycare staffing. No, if we can't do it the right way, we don't want to do it at all. We feel it's selfish to have them because WE WANT them; we decided long ago only to have them if we felt we could give them a wonderful life filled with love, hope, and opportunity.

So I am getting up there in age now, and I don't see things changing. The only people I see around me having children are people who 1) have family who live close by and can take care of their kids, 2) rich people, or women who marry rich men to be more specific, and 3) people whose families help them out financially.

Is there a chance for two people like us to have a family, when we don't have any of the above advantages? It doesn't seem like it should be THIS impossible! We're both hard workers who make decent money TOGETHER. Separately, it's not enough, but together, it's a good amount.

HOW could we make it happen? I have heard that having children after 34 the risks just go up and up and up, that they may not be healthy...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 10:52pm
What pro WOHM groups are presenting biased data? Or do you just dismiss anything that is pro WOHM as biased?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 10:55pm

I've given my reasoning for that and no one has come up with a counter argument other than "Ain't so".

Don't you think societies put their money where their beliefs are? Don't you think the kinds of things society will pay for are telling as to their beliefs? Societies don't decide to spend large amounts of money making something happen unless they believe it's the right thing to do. So what does it say when a society will pay moms not to return to work until their babies are whatever arbitrary age they've chosen if it doesn't say they think working during this time is something to be avoided?

Do they give the same funds to moms who stay in the work force? If not, why not if it's not intended to be an enticement to SAH. I'm sure WM's could use the money to pay for excellent day care which would be a benefit for their children.




Edited 8/28/2006 10:57 pm ET by kbmammm
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 10:59pm

LOL. Perhaps you should look at your data in the light of day then. I have no special light. If it can't stand up to my scrutiny, it's very weak. I'm not an expert in debunking twisted data by any means.

I take it you're getting all of your data from pro SAH sites. I'd suggest you look at all of the data not just what they post there that furturs their cause. Being manipulated isn't a good thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 11:02pm
Tell me this. My children have been in full time day care since they were 10 and 9 weeks old. What ill effects should I be seeing because I put them in day care too soon? I see two well adjusted children (of course I am their mother and they are perfect, lol) What am I missing that went wrong because they went to day care so young?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 11:20pm

"Do they give the same funds to moms who stay in the work force?"

Uh, no. That is why its called maternity leave.

Do you give disability pay to people who are not disabled through work? (not counting those who fraud the system)

All I can offer is that I haven't met a single person in canada who thinks we're being pressured to SAH. It seems only an outsider who knows nothing how life is like up here, and knos nothing of the specifics of our programs, thinks we hate working mothers. Go email our government and ask about their evil plan

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 11:21pm

"I've given my reasoning for that..."

You have offered an assumption and NO proof whatsoever.
You THINK that the government doesn't like working moms. You do not KNOW it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 11:23pm
Right, if it doesn't meat your standards, it's weak and invalid. You get to decide whether or not something is valid enough for me to base my opinion on it. Gotcha. And where are you getting all your data from, NOT pro-WOH sites...? How do you know they are manipulating the data and only posting what meets their cause? I actually did post a study that mentioned the benefits of daycare and of staying at home, told everything they found. But I guess it was biased because it listed the benefits of staying home as well as the benefits of daycare, right? Haha. Do I need your permission to have a religion, too, or just an opinion about this topic?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 11:25pm
You shouldn't necessarily be seeing anything, because daycare doesn't have adverse effects on every child. Saying that it can isn't the same as saying that it will beyond a shadow of a doubt. In any case I already mentioned the ill effects daycare can cause. How many times are you going to ask me? If you missed the post, too bad; I'm not repeating myself anymore.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 11:35pm
Why would they give the same funds to moms who stay in the work force? Obviously, those moms don't need it, since they are earning money. That's like saying we should give unemployment benefits to people who are employed. It's there if they want it. Everyone gets a shot at it. I imagine the reason they provide such a long leave isn't to encourage women to quit their jobs and stay at home but to facilitate a breastfeeding relationship and to help the mother and child bond in the first year. Breastfeeding can be a challenge, even for those who don't work and are sah trying to nurse. Imagine dealing with a baby with latch problems, then when you finally get it right, you have to teach them to go from bottle to breast, too. Most women simply give up and quit, because they find it so difficult to maintain their supply while working and to overcome the obstacles that can go along with breastfeeding in general as well as pumping, such as mastitis. Who wants to keep breastfeeidng when they have to work while they have mastitis? I'd be all for such a program here in the US, if it would result in more moms breastfeeding.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2006
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 1:31am
I love your post. And I agree that I have heard and read a lot that SAH is better for the child too. Not saying that it is or it isn't. There is no actual proof that woh shows the child that education and careers are better and motivates them more. My DH is a hard worker has a great career and guess what his mom was a SAHM. But I am sure there are more examples than that for both sah and woh. I think whatever "you" Choose is going to be right for your child. As long as you love them and teach them the values etc then no matter what you do your child will turn out ok. I think your right that depending on who takes the survey will depend on your outcome as well.

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