In today's economy, how can U stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2004
In today's economy, how can U stay home?
1500
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 2:46pm


I am 33 and am basically now sadly coming to the conclusion that we just can't have kids. I just don't know how people do it. In order to afford our mortgage, my husband and I both have to work full-time. And we bought a home in the least expensive market we could find in proximity to our jobs, so we commute up to four hours a day to make this work.

However, we both agreed, long long ago that we would only have kids if we could raise them ourselves. We just can't in good conscience reconcile the idea of having children and then handing them off to some stranger who is making close to minimum wages to rear them, and who can't possibly care about them as much as we do. And what would be the point? We would miss all their development and "firsts" and wouldn't be a close family, and they would grow up with attachment issues due to rapidly changing daycare staffing. No, if we can't do it the right way, we don't want to do it at all. We feel it's selfish to have them because WE WANT them; we decided long ago only to have them if we felt we could give them a wonderful life filled with love, hope, and opportunity.

So I am getting up there in age now, and I don't see things changing. The only people I see around me having children are people who 1) have family who live close by and can take care of their kids, 2) rich people, or women who marry rich men to be more specific, and 3) people whose families help them out financially.

Is there a chance for two people like us to have a family, when we don't have any of the above advantages? It doesn't seem like it should be THIS impossible! We're both hard workers who make decent money TOGETHER. Separately, it's not enough, but together, it's a good amount.

HOW could we make it happen? I have heard that having children after 34 the risks just go up and up and up, that they may not be healthy...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 3:37pm

<<And yet a few posts ago I was chastised for believing that I, as a parent, should control my child's influences. The whole "domination over your child's life" was someone else's words, judging me for keeping my child away from what I don't think he's ready for, insinuating that I was a control freak because I don't think my 14 month-old is ready for Fred Phelps. >>


I just followed this back a few posts and don't see what you are referring to.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 3:38pm
a survey is not a study, and babytalk magazine is not a scientific resource. you don't need to tell me that there is a great deal of credible information on the topic; you need to learn that it doesn't come from mommy mags, nor does it say what you apprently wish it did.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 3:47pm

<>


Or...how about none of the above?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 3:57pm
regardless, it backs up what the CDC and various other scientific resources have already concluded. ;)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 3:58pm

Do not sweetheart me...when I said adult life, I am talking 18 and over.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 4:00pm
That's not the norm or the majority. Self-weaning can take up to 4 1/2 years, and for it to occur before the age of 1 isn't near as common as for it to occur later on. Are you trying to say that everyone who quits early, that 64% of women, all had babies that just weaned themselves early? Most of them just decided they didn't want it anymore despite the scientific research suggesting weaning should take place anywhere from 2-6 years, that children are designed to nurse that long (why else would their milk teeth take so long to be replaced?), the AAP recommendation of nursing 1 year, the WHO recommendation of nursing 2 years, etc. Is that right? I'm not saying YOURS didn't. I am just saying it is by no means the norm.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2003
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 4:03pm


You really do know that breastfeeding isn't the only reason women get a year off right?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 4:03pm

The only thing I don't have that those people you're talking about have is a college degree, and I don't see how that makes me anymore or less adult than anyone else. I lived on my own for a while before marrying and paid my own way. We were 20 when we bought our first house; most people are older than us when they get their first mortgages. I've had much more experience with adult things than most people my age who are just graduating and just now learning responsibility. I've dealt with adult responsibility for quite a bit, paid bills for quite a bit, and been on my own for quite a while.

I can get exposure to other children by talking to my friends back home, remember my experiences as a child with my parents and my friends' experiences with theirs, reading, reesarching, chatting with other moms, and doing things like, I don't know, talking to women at the park. It may sound naive, but you're the one assuming that I'm naive because I don't think daycare is a good idea for a little baby. Regardless, I'm allowed to form my opinion based on whatever I desire.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 4:04pm
That's the post I'm referring to. The point of my response was to say "Yes, total dominance is my intent right now, and there's nothing wrong with it." I guess sarcasm is new to you guys.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 4:18pm

<<That's not the norm or the majority. Self-weaning can take up to 4 1/2 years, and for it to occur before the age of 1 isn't near as common as for it to occur later on. >>


Say's who?

PumpkinAngel

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