In today's economy, how can U stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2004
In today's economy, how can U stay home?
1500
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 2:46pm


I am 33 and am basically now sadly coming to the conclusion that we just can't have kids. I just don't know how people do it. In order to afford our mortgage, my husband and I both have to work full-time. And we bought a home in the least expensive market we could find in proximity to our jobs, so we commute up to four hours a day to make this work.

However, we both agreed, long long ago that we would only have kids if we could raise them ourselves. We just can't in good conscience reconcile the idea of having children and then handing them off to some stranger who is making close to minimum wages to rear them, and who can't possibly care about them as much as we do. And what would be the point? We would miss all their development and "firsts" and wouldn't be a close family, and they would grow up with attachment issues due to rapidly changing daycare staffing. No, if we can't do it the right way, we don't want to do it at all. We feel it's selfish to have them because WE WANT them; we decided long ago only to have them if we felt we could give them a wonderful life filled with love, hope, and opportunity.

So I am getting up there in age now, and I don't see things changing. The only people I see around me having children are people who 1) have family who live close by and can take care of their kids, 2) rich people, or women who marry rich men to be more specific, and 3) people whose families help them out financially.

Is there a chance for two people like us to have a family, when we don't have any of the above advantages? It doesn't seem like it should be THIS impossible! We're both hard workers who make decent money TOGETHER. Separately, it's not enough, but together, it's a good amount.

HOW could we make it happen? I have heard that having children after 34 the risks just go up and up and up, that they may not be healthy...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 4:19pm

Of course I don't believe that, as isn't the year also offered to the father?


But I think perhaps this is in the wrong place?


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 4:26pm

No, I understood the sarcasm.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 5:40pm

"Why did we stop? Because both boys self weaned and neither were interested in bf'ing beyond those ages."

More likely a temporary nursing strike, as babies historically didn't have access to formula, bottles, or sippy cups the first year of their life. One would be unlikely to wean unless he had found that formula, bottles, and sippy cups provided a nice alternative to nursing.

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/babyselfwean.html

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 6:37pm

Um, why would I accept representations of research that don't meet my standards? Do you accept representations of research that don't meet yours?

Given my limited abilities here if it can't stand up to my scrutiny, it's pretty weak.

And yes, I totally disregard certain types of web sites because I know what they are. Why bother with what you know is a one sided representation when there are plenty of open minded discussions of the research out there and you can read it yourself?

And could you please post some links to those biased pro WM sites you know of? I'd really like to read what a pro WM site would do with some of this research.




Edited 8/29/2006 6:42 pm ET by kbmammm
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2004
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 7:03pm
thanks for the words of encouragement, donna! it's nice to hear preconceptions dismantled (no pun intended on the use of "preconceptions", LOL). thanks for sharing your experience, and CONGRATULATIONS on your ultimate two-time success! ;-) i guess if it's meant to be, it will be, right?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 7:26pm

But you only get the leave pay if you leave your job. Hence they are encouraging women leaving their jobs.

What is the pay gap between men and women in Sweden? I know it's pretty bad in France, another country that pays leaves but I don't know what it is in Sweden.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 7:30pm
I didn't say anything about her kids specifically. I was talking about kids in general.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 7:31pm
While I agree that dcps are a big influence when kids are attending day care, that seems to go away once they're out of day care. Kind of how school influenced us while we were attending but the effect wears off.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 7:33pm

Read my posts. Sorry, but when it comes to human nature, things tend to repeat themselves.

So, why do you think that in spite of human nature to act on beliefs and for parents to translate beliefs to children that we should assume this is not the case in the WOH/SAH arena?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 7:34pm
Well, if they did then they wouldn't be trying to get mom to do one particular thing. They'd be respecting her choice no matter what it is instead of only rewarding her if she makes the right one as determined by the society.

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